Vicious Calm
by Catilleon
Summary: Nagi Uzumaki had always sought companionship. Kyubi no Yoko had always sought a strange cute girlfriend who likes ramen and enjoys destruction as much as him. This will doubtfully end well.Kyubi/femNaru.
1. Prologue

**Vicious Calm**

**Prologue**

I'm having mild writers block with my other stories at the moment (though I am about a quarter of the way through the next chapter of Junior Class so that will probably be updated next) as such I have to decided to write something that I've been meaning to put down for a while now.

Let's get the warnings out of the way first this story is fem naruto, meaning that in this continuity naruto was born female. Secondly the Kyubi in this story won't be the big bad destructive fuz ball we all know and love. He'll still be destructive but the personality of him, and all the Biju, will differ greatly from canon. Thirdly this story is romance and humour and will feature Kyubi/femNaru as the predominant pairing. If any of this fact bothers you click that good old back button now.

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Still here? Excellent. Well enjoy the story.

* * *

In the Elemental Nations there is one force that surpasses all others, the Biju. These tailed beasts that once roamed the land, now locked away for protection or for power. Many know of these demons but very few people truly know about them. Many civilians believe these monsters to have crawled out from deep within Yami intent on ravaging the world. Most nins know that Biju are powerful charka constructs given form and purpose through each one's own warped conscious. Fewer nin know that the Biju are capable of being controlled. Even fewer know that they already have been, on many an occasion. Almost none know where the Biju truly came from.

Knowledge on the Biju, true knowledge on the Biju is hard to come by and those that do know are usually unwilling to part with it due to the world changing possibilities that it can bring. It is knowledge obtained through the deadly combination of strength and insanity.

There is though one piece of knowledge that only a very small minority of the world will ever know.

This minority are known are Jinchuriku and the knowledge they and they alone know is the true personality of the Biju.

The minds behind the monstrous forms.

The driving force behind uncountable acts of destruction.

Only the Jinchuriki have ever witnessed firsthand what it is like to talk and live with a Biju. Unlike most they are not unwilling to share this knowledge with those who would ask. It is simply the fact that no one has ever really asked before.

If though someone was to bring the Jinchuriki together and ask just what the Biju where like. All nine Jinchuriku likely would all tell the same thing.

They're a family of idiots.

The Ichibi, known also as Shukaku, a cute little nick name for the youngest One Tailed Biju running on an infant's mentality. A mad destructive infant. Much like any infant Shukaku is a nigh uncontrollable influence pushing insanity on to those who would attempt to contain him. He also likes taking naps in teapots... don't ask.

Nibi no Bakeneko the den mother of the family, third oldest and most dangerous when another Biju is threatened but rather hypocritical in that she is prone to enforcing her will through brutal beatings.

Sanbi no Kyodaigame a hard headed and stubborn pre-teen. For him the greatest enjoyment in the world is wallowing in water and has, on more than one occasion, destroyed entire settlements and islands because they tried to attack him when he went swimming.

Yonbi no Saru ancient and wise he is the oldest of the Biju and the acting grandfather. Sadly he is increasingly senile and prone to waffling on about everything and nothing. More often nothing.

Gobi no Irukauma he is a strange chimera creature and the appointed second eldest son. Analytical and easily distracted from important things by the so called 'wonders or the world'. Prone to missing the forest for the trees, as it were.

Rokubi no Namekuji is a womanizer of literally legendary levels. Unlike the other biju he changes his form almost constantly and has been many of the great lovers of legend. To those that know him personally he little more than a pervert of legendary levels and frequently beaten.

Nanabi no Kabutomushi she is a vicious and twisted sister. She is a sadist that spreads pain in electrical shocks far too frequently. Though this is far from a useful habit for someone who currently resides in a village of waterfalls, often her sadistic tendencies get out of hand fast.

Hachibi no Kyogyu he is a stern father bearing an aura of benevolence, not to mention an infinitely useful source of advice for the younger Biju. A great fan of classical music if he has faulted it is in his pride, particularly concerning his horns.

Kyubi no Yoko the most powerful of the Biju, in terms of raw strength, in battle his blue fire burns hotter than the sun and the myriad of techniques granted to him by his pyro nature make him a true meister of destruction. Tossing tails worth of charka into doomsday techniques to vaporise his enemies to carbon and nothingness. As for his mentality... a hopeless romantic of a sixteen year old such as the one who is currently morning his love life in a bar in Tanzaku Quarters. Oh wait... that is him. How useful.

* * *

"It's hopeless. I mean seriously I've been alive since damn near the dawn of the ninja age... I think it's all kind of hazy that far back. Anyway, _hic_, I've been alive all that time and do you know how many girlfriends I've have." Bemoaned a red headed teen around him were dozens of empty rum bottles.

"...Two hundred thousand?" Replied the black haired man sitting next to him his glass of sake particularly untouched, a tone of boredom slipped into an emotionless voice. The man was trying hard to ignore the parts of the conversation that seemed to have repeated itself six times by now. Which added up to the majority of the conservation. Instead he worked on figuring out how the boy had gotten such high proof rum this far east.

"None!" The teen replied in a way that made you think that he never bothered to listen to the answer. "Oh I've been close, some serenading or some hundred dates here and there over the centuries but nothing serious. Nothing that even resembles a loving relationship. I want to be able to come home to a cute girlfriend who's already got dinner ready and a bath running... not to mention..." The red head seemed to finish his train of thought as his face became bathed in crimson and a small bead of blood flowed from his nose. Odd as his body, being a chakra construct, has no need of blood.

The black haired man shook his head, 'I wasn't even aware that that particular cliché had been invented yet.'

Some might find the pair of drinkers a strange combination. The kind of combination that would make for a strange to understand friendship. Even the two drinkers themselves didn't know what such a friendship would be like as the two had never before met up until two hours ago when the tall black haired man had sat himself next to the increasingly sloshed sixteen year old.

The boy in question was quite a strange sight really. Though he considered himself sixteen he could easily pass for older, hence why the bartended didn't ask for ID, a lean and fit body were hidden under black jeans and a white button up shirt. To most he would probably be seen as a high school student, recently graduated and celebrating. That was until they picked up on the heavy aura of despair coupled with the fact the apparent high schooler had put down enough bottles of rum to be moving into, and by now probably past, the double digits.

Even under the heavy influence of alcohol his face had the kind of looks that made it more suited to expressions that trod that fine line between happy prankster and evil sadist. His face was clean shaven and rather handsome, though nowhere near the levels of the bishounens he commonly took pleasure in breaking the noses of. Deep blood red hair spiked backwards down to his neck, aside from two bangs which hung lazily over either of his crimson eyes and down to the tips of his mouth. When coupled with a smile that showed off his sharp fox like teeth though, it was a rather unnerving sight.

As the black haired men shook his head he suddenly had a thought. "Out of curiosity, just what would your idea of a perfect woman be?"

The teen broke out of his, clearly dirty minded, stupor. "That's a really good question. Let's see... well she had to be cute of course."

"Of course."

"A bit on the short side, I like small and cute things you see, but a looker too. Y'know... decent curves. Personality big too though. Don't go thinking I'm a perve or anything that's Rokuname-niisan's job. First and foremost the girl's got to be strong, capable of holding her own against Ichishu-gaki at least. Smart but doesn't really show it off, someone who's playful and kind of... weird at the same time."

"Weird?" The black haired man raised a dark eyebrow quizzically.

The red headed teen. "Yeah well I'm not really normal myself and I sort of prefer people with a bit of abnormality to them. Keeps things interesting you know. What else. Must like ramen."

"...Ramen. Really?"

"I love that brothy noodley goodness... it's something of a hidden shame that I don't care enough to hide."

"I see..."

"Yeah. Oh! My perfect girl's got to be able to cook of course and clean."

"That's a bit sexist."

"Well I can't have my 'coming home to dinner etc.' fantasy if the girl can't cook. I suppose I want someone independent but at the same time completely in love with me." The teen sighed. "Ahhhhhhhh... I'm never gone to find someone like that again."

"Wait... again? Something... uh, someone like that actually exists."

"Well actually she was my last container. Girl by the name of... Kushina Uzumaki. Really nice, aside from the love me completely part she pretty much fit all my requirements."

"Why didn't you get her then?"

"Well we only knew each other for a few months when she was like... eight. So a bit young at the time and seeing as how I was being let out for the first time in a hundred or so years I wasn't willing to wait for her to grow. Probably would have made for a hell of a woman though. She was really nice too... she let me out of the seal on the promise that I keep in my human form for the next hundred years and not cause any trouble."

"You kept the promise of a little girl." The black haired man looked confused when he had come looking for the boy that claimed to be the Kyubi no Yoko this is not what he expected. Insane romantic he could deal with but a demon that keeps a little girl's promise _not_ to wreak destruction and havoc upon the land.

"Bah! I'll have you know that kitsune's always keep their promise."

"You're not technically a kitsune you're an energy being."

"...Eh well. Okay, I can't say no to a cute girl. Even if she is well below my age bracket. Real shame what happened to her clan though even if they were pricks that kept sealing me away I had some fun times with them." Once again the teen sighed as he took a swig of his rapidly diminishing rum supply. "Next to finding a girlfriend the utter and complete destruction of whoever destroyed Uzu is on my life goals list. Still at least Kushina survived I heard she ended up in Konoha, nice place though some of its clans need a Pyro Claw up their collective ass, I remember hearing from a wind Kami that that Yondaime Hokage fell for her."

The teen was far so sloshed to notice that the dark eyes of his drinking companion had changed to a crimson red at the mention of the Leaf Village. To the black haired man's credit he got his emotions under control before the tomoes appeared swirling in his iris.

"I've got to admit," the teen continued, "I've always liked the Minato guy. For one he's got great taste in women. He he he... urphh... wow. This stuff is affecting me way harder than I thought. Must be a bad night for me, usually I can get down fifteen bottles without much problem. I should probably start going back to my hotel room." Sadly the teen's efforts to raise himself from the bar stool resulting in him nearly collapsing on the floor.

The black haired man stuck a hand down to the red head. "Here I'll help you get back to your home."

Grabbing his hand the teen grinned, his sharp teeth making the smile appear far more disconcerting that he would have hoped. "Thanks man. You know, you're one of the best drinking buddies I've had in a long time. Seriously most of the time when I introduce myself as Kyubbi no Yoko they either laugh or start backing away slowly before breaking into a run. You're my best friend... uh... what was your name again?"

The black haired man looked down to the teen. "Uchiha Madara. Now if you would be so kind as to look into my eyes." The last thing the human formed Kyubbi no Yoko saw before his mind was consumed by blackness was a set of deep red eyes each with three swirling tomoes.

* * *

"Urghhh. What the hell? Man that was... uhhh." Moaned a red haired teen as he rolled over and moved into a cross legged position. Even in his mind scrambled state the teen picked up on the sound of splashing water as he did so.

Not willing to rely on his blurred sense of vision in what was clearly a low light environment the teen raised his right hand and threw it down experimentally. He sighed at the inevitable splash.

"Don't tell me I got drunk and woke up in another sewer. Bloody subconscious and it's obsession with water and darkness. I am the master of fire damnit!" Sighing at the twisted workings of his own mind the teen started working his hands over his own body in a well practiced post-hangover ritual.

"Clothing? Still there. Damn it. Possessions? Still non-existent. Money? Must have blown it all last night, odd I distilled that rum myself so what the hell did I spend it on. Whatever. Uhhh what am I forgetting. Limbs? Attached, excellent! All things considered not a bad hangover. Clothing's a shame but seeing as how I'm in a sewer and not a warm bed laced with female scent... it's probably for the best." As the teen straightened his back the Kyubi he released bursts of his demonic chakra through his faux blood stream. Unlike most of his Biju brethren who only copied psychical appearance Kyubi no Yoko was fond of the idea of having children and thus, in order to achieve that had, ensured to construct his human form down to a level of detail that would honestly disturb you.

As his blood literally boiled from the effects of his Pyro nature chakra, in turn boiling the alcohol in his system and releasing it through small cuts he had clawed on his arms, an effective hangover cure for sure but one which would kill any normal human, the fox boy reaching deep into his mind to relive whatever night it was he missed. No matter how drunk a Biju gets their chakra bodies made sure that any damage was healed almost instantly. Due to the fact that Kyubbi went through the trouble of replicated an entire human body, even if he didn't understand a bit of it, it was no difficult matter to enter his own conscious via a bastardised Yamanaka jutsu. For good or ill he never forgot the event which lead to a morning after as such he was surprised to find the memories for last night coming up... blank.

"What the hell." Opening his eyes after seeing the sheer darkness of the blank spots at least had the advantage of helping his eyes adjust. Rewarding him with the sight of massive gilded cage bars held together by a paper seal that radiated oppression. In that moment small snatches of the night came to him.

A black swirl over red iris. The feeling of small pricks of fire, lightning, wind, earth and water bouncing off the scarlet coat of his nine tailed form. The familiar face of a kind red head now bloody. The tear stained sky blue eyes of one of the few humans he respected in the moments before the same eyes were filled with the cold of death. He remembered the visage of the Shinigami, a terrifying sight even to the strongest of the Biju. The feeling off his nine tailed body being boiled down to pure chakra and twisted into the confines of a seal. Most of all he remembering the feeling of pure rage driving the actions of his body. His mind watching on unable to understand what was happening.

Ripples began to rapidly form in the water of his new Jinchuriku's mindscape as tears flowed freely from his crimson eyes.

"I fucking hate Sharigan."

* * *

A girl was in pain. It was a common pain to her. Like most people would considered stubbing their toe or pricking their finger a common pain. Only this small six year old blonde girl was the posser of a great tolerance to pain as such what most would considered a common pain barely registered. No to her common pain was something more. Like a brutal beating.

Usually they started small. A senile old lady screaming about the Kyubi no Yoko was an oddly common set off. Though it was a word that held no real significance to the young and barely educated girl it was one she heard often. It was a word that the child came to associate with a cold feeling in her stomach. While the beatings started small, usually starting with a thrown piece of garbage, they almost always escalated.

It wasn't as though the civilians that flocked to the little girl's screams had to knowledge to do damage to anyone capable of defending themself but they weren't dealing with a ninja they weren't even dealing with a teenager. It could almost be considered impressive that the girl had it in her muscle memory the proper position to absorb the blows and lessen the pain. There was only so much the girl could do against a growing mob of fully grown adults driven by misplaced hatred and grief stricken bouts of temporary insanity. At least that last one was the most common defence the civilians used when Anbu arrived.

Sometimes they came quick. Sometimes not. Either way the girl rarely got glimpses of her saviours before passing out. Though the dog faced mask of her most common saviour was burned into the child's unconscious mind. Then she would awaken in a hospital bed looking up at the crying face of her Jiji. It had all become disturbingly routine for the whiskered blonde girl. This one though was different, this time there were ninjas.

Really they were a couple of pathetic Genin level but, once again, they had made a six year old girl their target. Not to mention this two particular Genin were unnaturally skilled in the use of Killing Intent. Even a girl like Nagi Uzumaki wasn't prepared for the onslaught of images of her own death. She attempted to fight back with images of her beloved Jiji. Causing the two to combine.

Images of her Jiji watching her die.

Images of her Jiji dying.

Images of her Jiji being the one who killed her.

Images of her Jiji laughing as he twisted the knife.

In an attempt to save her sanity her subconscious mind threw the blonde into her own mindscape. Just in time to save the blonde the image of one of the genin withdrawing a kunai.

How ironic that this dark moment would be the same one which would bring a girl, who maintained her innocence against all rational possibility, into a meeting with one who would eventually be a brilliant blue bonfire of joy in her life.

We many never have an actual explanation for why the Uzumaki's mindscape is that of cold dark sewer but one thing is for sure. It is a shocking place for a child to show up after a beating involving violent ninja techniques. The situation was made all the more confusing as the girl's strong will was already working on surprising the memory of the ordeal. Most children would sit and cry for their mummys. Nagi didn't have that luxury, thus she decided to walk.

The hallway like sewer only had two directions to travel each stretching ever onwards to oblivion. Much to the girl's surprise it was the familiar but seemingly misplaced cold feeling in her gut that made her decide which direction to go in.

* * *

The walk was short yet the uneventfulness made it seem much longer than it was. On the bright side it gave Nagi's emotions time to settle having so far passes from maddening terror to confusion to fear to the buzz of a new place to now where she was rather bored.

Nagi was starting to wonder if this was that hell people were always saying they'd send her. Then again from the way they made it sound hell was supposed to endless suffering. This was just endless boredom. Had the girl been in a more philosophical frame of mind she could have argued that to a girl of endless energy such as herself endless boredom would be considered endless suffering. Even if she was ever in that frame of mind all thought were lost as she came across the big bars.

It was strange that the first thing the girl thought was that it seemed much darker on the other side of the bars. Then again that was how she recognised that she was outside the cage rather than trapped inside. Well that and the paper seal placed over the split in the bars.

The young girl spent a few minutes attempting to read the funny looking kanji and squiggles. They actually looked kind of fun and she was wondering why people didn't normally write like this, everything seemed so much clearer. Truly the wonders of being the last of the Uzumaki clan.

Eventually though her eyes adjusted to the darkness on the other side of the bars and saw the figure lying down in the water.

"H-hello." Spoke the girl her usually cheery tone having escaped her for the moment. The figure flinched like a man being snuck up on in a library. In his surprise the figure sat up allowing Nagi to see him more clearly. The first thing she saw, after noting him to indeed be male, was that his eyes were red and puffy. The next thing she saw was that his eye colour wasn't totally due to crying. His eyes were actually red colour.

The girl had no explanation for why her face felt warmer when they locked eyes.

"Kushina..." The boy spoke with the dryness of a voice that hadn't been used in a while. "... or fem Minato."

The girl definitely didn't have an explanation for that. In fact she felt a bit insulted to be called unfamiliar names. She was her own person. Naturally she felt the need to say it.

"I don't know who Kushina or Minato are but I'll have you know my name's Nagi Uzumaki. Believe it!" The young blonde particularly screamed at the unfamiliar red headed teen.

"... I see, expect Minato to use his own child." The red head crocked out with a face void of emotion. At least until he started crying.

"Hey wait. Why are you crying I sorry I didn't like those other two names I'm sure they were really great people." This just made the teen cry harder. "Please... please don't cry." Pleaded the young girl felt her own eyes getting teary. For a girl in whose life happiness was a rare commodity at times she found joy in those moments when others were happy. Like when that pink haired girl met that blonde girl. Or that father and daughter at the ramen stand she always wanted to visit but could never suck up the courage. Even when those older children at that academy place got picked up by their parents and hadn't seen her.

Suddenly the girl had an idea.

* * *

The Kyubi was crying as the full weight of who he was sealed in hit him. While he may not have known her for long he always kept track of the kind red haired women and her blonde lover by exploiting the various object dwelling gods known as Kami that littered the land. As such he found he felt guilty to not know of her being pregnant. At the same time it made so much sense, he knew a lot of the Yondaime Hokage's character and the only one capable of safely containing his own demonic chakra in the heat of battle would be one whose umbilical cord was freshly cut.

He still remembered little of that night but it was fairly obvious who this child was and who had killed her parent's before she even knew them.

Kyubi had killed before many times but that doesn't mean he was free of a conscious he simply had one that was warped enough to accept the deaths and move on. This though he found far more difficult to simply accept this situation and move on.

He thought of the girl running away when she learned who, or more, what he was. For some reason it was an image he really didn't want to see.

In his own self loathing he only just noticed that the blonde girl had climbing through the bars and was walking to where he was seated.

"What? Where are you-" All of the Kyubi's sputtering were quickly cut off when he felt a small and warm pair of arm around his mid section.

"I've always seen people doing this when a child's crying. They always seem better when they're happy. Please don't cry. People always look better when they're happy."

Kyubi didn't reply. He simply returned the hug. It was only when he noticed the patch of salty wetness on his shirt where the young girl's face was buried that he realised this hug wasn't only for him.

The pair remained there for a long time, two people starved for attention enjoying each other's warm. Nagi shifted up into the teens lap. Kyubi had started to stroke the young girl's silky blonde hair. Neither did it consciously. Neither regretted the action.

"...So." The blonde said her voice was muffled by the teen's white dress shirt but it still sounded rather tired. "Can you tell me your name?" Kyubi flinched. Nagi noticed this and hugged tighter as though the teen was about to run away. For some reason it made Kyubi feel like it would be all right to tell her.

"Kyubi no Yoko. The cause of all your misfortune." He could feel the girl's large blue eyes intently focused on him after this statement. His initial courage diminished somewhat.

"This doesn't feel like misfortune." The girl replied with a lazy smile and buried her face back into the teen's shirt.

For a minute Kyubi stopped stroking Nagi's hair and quickly brushed her cheek. Feeling the slight impression of three lines.

"Definitely more Kushina then."

"Do you have a real name?" Nagi's words came slowly and contently.

"Kyuyo. My family calls me Kyuyo."

"Mmmmm. Kyuyo-kun." Nagi mumbled tiredly before falling asleep.

Kyuyo went back to stroking her hair.

Later he would realise that was the first time he smiled in six years. It was also the first time he felt content in a much much longer time.

* * *

"Nurse-san!" In Room 315 of Konoha Hospital a Kanata Hoshi a 21 year old trainee nurse looked up at the room's door in shock from her place beside a young blond child's side.

"H-hokage-sama!" Kanata was only a new nurse at Konoha Hospital. It was the reason why she was sent to deal with the 'demon bitch'. Luckily for Nagi Kanata was actually rather caring and devoted to her job, despite being so young, as such took good care of the blonde despite what burden the child caries. A burden that, unknown to Kanata, the child was actually learning about at this very minute.

On the downside being new she was rather un-used to the entirety of the job requirements. As such seeing the village's venerated leader arrived at the door of a room that most, with the exception of a couple of doctors, had so far avoided like its inhabitant was suffering from the black plague came as a bit of a shocker.

"How is she?" The Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi, was rather quick to pick up on the nurse's discomfort and assumed a calmer tone. Though in the urgency of the situation it felt like putting the lid on a blender filled with nitro-glycerine.

Kanata swallowed nervously but managed to speak. "N-Nagi-chan had suffered from several lacerations, a broken arm in addition to numerous bruising. The highest risk of physical harm at the time was from internal bleeding due to trauma to the internal organs."

"How much remains?"

"After the Kyubi's chakra healed her you mean. Rather little. There was an unusually large burst of chakra that repaired the majority of damage quickly." Sarutobi narrowed his eyes, Nagi's Jinchuriku status enabled an inhuman healing rate but he had never heard of her healing this fast.

"Has the seal been damaged?"(1)

Kanata shrunk back under the village Leader's glare. "N-n-not to my knowledge. The chakra was a merely a burst not a continuous stream. What ever happened it's done now."

Sarutobi thought about that for a moment. The nurse did have a point. Still he'd make sure to have Jiraiya check the seal next time he was in the village. Konoha really needed more seal masters. Actually, a lot of villages needed more seal masters. No wonder Uzu was so rich when it was still around.

For now though there were more problems. "About the... reason Kakashi was able to find her."

"Her screaming. There were signs that specially moulded Killing Intent used."

Sarutobi felt his rage boiling under his skin. Ninja are hardly the saints they attempt to project but... using Killing Intent on a six year old! He had thought that Konoha had better standards. "Who are the ninjas that did this?"

To his credit Sarutobi kept a large amount of his own Killing Intent under control. Though the amount that did escape had a good portion of the hospital literally shaking at the knees. Kanata included though to her credit she was still able to answer. "Y-you'll have to wait until the hospital gets back to me with the dental records. Inu-san wasn't very clean in the use of his lightning jutsus."

Sarutobi didn't even notice the sadist grin on his face. It only lasted a moment before his face became serious again.

"When we will know if there is any lasting psychological damage?"

"I-I actually don' think that will be much of a problem."

Sarutobi looked at her in disbelief. The nurse simply walked over the Nagi and removed the sheets covering her face. Sarutobi only stared in shock at the smile.

It wasn't even the cold twisted smile of a killer it was the warm happy smile that Sarutobi had been seeing less and less of on his faux-granddaughters face.

"I guess she's having a really good dream."

The Hokage smiled. While he couldn't remove the strange nagging feeling at the back of his head that this was the sign of something impossibly problematic he couldn't bring himself to care. Nagi was happy.

* * *

End Notes- Truth be told I've been wanting to write for a while but it turned out a lot different than I thought it would (got kinda dark in the middle there). For a while my original inspiration comes from a line in a fic, it was so long back I can't remember the name, where I believe Kyubi was encouraging Naruto to get laid so he could get the feedback said something along the lines of 'if only my container was female then I could have groomed her to be my lover'. The fic wasn't a fem naru in any way and the comment was just an off handed way for some laughs but it got my thinking (most people know better than to make me do that) and the seed for this fic was set. It's mutated a lot from the original design but I quite like it. It will be humour for the most part and probably some teeth rotting moments of sweetness at times. It will be Kyubi/femNaru for the most part but I'm planning some femNaru/Harem hetero and maybe some yuri for shits and giggles.

Anyway some of you may be interested in names. In this fic the Biju pretty much use a portmanteau system for their names. Kyubi no Yoko = Kyu + Yo = Kyuyo. The names will be as follows:

Ichibi no Shukaku = Ichi + Shu = Ichisu (Most the Biju will refer to him as Shukaku as an affectionate term. Kyuyo doesn't like him so it will be Ichisu-gaki from him)

Nibi no Bakeneko = Ni + Ba= Niba

Sanbi no Kyodaigame = San + Kyo = Sankyo

Yonbi no Saru = Yon + Sa= Yonsa

Gobi no Irukauma = Go + Iru = Goiru

Rokubi no Namekuji = Roku + Name = Rokuname

Nanabi no Kabutomushi = Nana + Kabu = Nanakabu

Hachibi no Kyogyu = Hachi + Kyo = Hachikyo

Kyubi no Yoko = Kyuyo (you know this one)

I don't know if these names mean anything and I neither do I care nor does it matter. As for fem Naruto's name in this fic is a bit of homage to a favourite manga of mine. Namely Nagi Sanzen'in from Hayate the Combat Butler. As for what the name means... eh I'll let wiki explain-

From Wikipedia- List of Hayate the Combat Butler Characters-  
"Nagi" (凪, _Nagi_**?**) means "windless, calm", which seems to be the contrast to Hayate, "gust of wind." However, according to Nagi in a 4-koma on the cover of Volume 13, she was named as such because her mother "wished that she'd mow down ("nagi" (薙**?**)) everything in this world."

Besides Nagi herself is a short blonde girl so I think it works. It's also where the fic's name comes from though I thinking of changing it later. I'm not really happy with this one so I'm open to suggestions.

Well that's how it goes. I'll be holiday's officially after next Tuesday. Two more exams and a graduation and I'll be a High School Graduate. Mwa ha ha ha ha! I should probably be studying now… oh well.

I've started reading some new mangas by the way, Ratman: The Smallest Hero and Hetalia: Axis Powers. I've been reading to look up Hetalia for a while now but I've been a bit apprehensive due to the sheer amount of references between it and Yaoi I've heard. It actually pretty good though I'll doubt I will be looking up Fandom for it anytime soon. The other one Ratman is something I came across accidently in a comic store. It's a bit of a superhero parody. Really fun but trying to find scanlations for it is proving to be an absolute bitch.

On a side note did you know that chakra is in Microsoft Word's dictionary? I thought it was interesting.

Anway Jamata!

* * *

(1)- Fixed up a bit of a miss wording here. Thanks to Tzeentchian Techpriest for pointing it out.


	2. Chapter 1

**Vicious Calm**

**Chapter 1- Six Years with a Sadist Fox**

8 reviews, 808 hits, 22 favourites and 52 alerts at last count. Overall I really pleased with the reaction to this fic.

Also a side note, I realised recently that I set the rating of this to M... it's supposed to be T. Gomen. At one point this fic will probably reach M (in my opinion M is reserved for fics with sex scenes and intricately described acts of the old ultra violence (damn you Clockwork Orange!)) and while there will be violence, fighting and Kyuyo's random acts of immolation in this fic (read action) I won't be describing the complexities of a charred corpse (for one that's a lot of work). If anyone's looking for lemons well... I'm thinking of giving it a shot just to see if I can write one but if I do it won't be until post-Shippunden (teen sex is no water off my back but twelves year old's getting it on isn't something I'll be writing anytime soon). Anyway when and **if** this story gets to that point I'll just change the rating and warn the readers beforehand. Until enjoy the story for what it is.

If though you are feeling a little sadistic I have written a side story for this based off Chief Warlock of the Brothers of Darkness, Lord of the Thirteen Hells, Master of the Bones, Emperor of the Black, Lord of the Undead and of course Lord of the Dance Richard, everybody's favourite violent and psychotic undead warlock from the webcomic Looking For Group. More specifically his song 'Slaughter your World'. The sane need not apply.

Well that's out of the way I should be getting on with the story.

**Did you forget about us? You twit.**

By the Gods of Chaos! What are following me?

**We're your mind idiot.**

_Can't get rid of us. :3_

Leave me alone. Last chapter of Evil Academy Junior Class that you two appeared got absolutely no reviews.

**So what? You blame us? We weren't even relevant to the story. Most readers skip the author's note anyway. Cleary you're at fault.**

I'll admit it wasn't the most exciting chapter but someone could have at least given a poor review. Makes me sure people actually give a damn however minor or vindictive.

**Do you have anything better to do with your time rather than writing this crap?**

No. Not particularly.

**So what does it matter if people care or not.**

Thanks for that. This has been really mood lifting. Let's just start the story. Childness disclaimer.

_Cat-chan owns shit all. Yay for Cat-chan! :D_

* * *

It had been a year since the young Nagi Uzumaki met her new friend. She had learnt a lot from him.

He had told her a lot of the world outside of Konoha having travelled the world far and wide. From the deserts of Suna to the beaches of Wave Country. The canals and lagoons of Kiri and even the best dango and sake shops of Tanzuka Town. Even as far as the steam and metal fabrications of the world outside the Elemental Countries (1).

Then he had told her how to talk to the Kami as well as the proper method of giving them offerings in exchange for using them as a formidable intelligence network as he did. The Kami or the Gods which dwell in all things (2), or as Nagi was want to call them at the time, the 'weird ghost things that played hide and seek in trees'. Truthfully it shocked even the Kyubi when she asked to join in the hide and seek game. Then again it wasn't nearly as shocking as the fact that a six year old girl was better at hide and seek than immortal spirits with no corporal body.

Suffice to the say the Kami of Konoha forests really like her. Unknown to the girl this resulted in a large increase in the number of Konoha's less reputable ninja's being spirited away (read led off a cliff).

Kyuyo had also told her about the Biju. Though it was less about the acts of destruction generally committed whilst under the influence of Uchiha control, while attempting to flee that Sleeping Pill no Jutsu the Senju use or simply during the act of attempting to seal the Hachibi when he had just woken up.

Rather Nagi was told about the dark secrets of the manifestations of destruction. Like how Hachikyo-chichi cried for two weeks after the now Yondaime Raikage cut off one of his horns, it would be several years until his current Jinchuriku told the ox/octopus/ushi-oni demon that he could just reconstruct the horn. At which point Hachikyo knocked the wannabe-rapper out of his own mindscape screaming 'IT WOULDN'T BE THE SAME!' and sulked in his cage for a month.

Or the time Kyuyo had tried to turn Ichishu-gaki's sand body to glass with powerful gout of his Invisible Flame. Unfortunately for the young fox Niba's nose smelled the build of Methanol gas and mauled him before he could expel the flame from his mouth. Which had the side effect of making the red head swallow the super heated fire and send it backwards into his lungs.

Thankfully the self proclaimed Meister of Flames was fire proof by nature but for the next few weeks the teen couldn't breathe without tasting something akin to the Naga Jolokia pepper. More commonly also known as the Ghost chilli. It would be an experience never matched until a fateful encounter with the Curry of Life shop in River Country. Since then the mighty Kyubi no Yoko avoids spicy food like they were the bringer of death.

Kyubi had taught his young blonde Jinchuriku a lot over the first year. In addition to the esoteric knowledge of the supernatural world Kyuyo had taught Nagi how to read and write, the skills of increasing her speed with Chakra and running up walls, to boost her muscle strength by flooding it with his own demonic Chakra, how to steal without leaving any evidence but of all the things one stood above all that was when Kyuyo told Nagi about her parents.

He didn't tell her at first of course. Kyuyo told himself he wanted to be sure but really it wasn't that difficult for him to trace back her genetic structure back to the source DNA in other words the girl's parents. In reality he wanted to make sure the girl would be able to handle the information. The Yondaime was really one of the few humans Kyuyo respected and he didn't want the man's only child to grow up hating the man.

But in the end Kyuyo reasoned that the lonely orphan girl, whose only friends was an old, constantly busy, Hokage, her personal nurse who she rarely saw outside of the hospital and a demonic chakra construct, deserved to known of her parents at the least.

So on her seventh birthday where Nagi had locked herself in her apartment eating a homemade cake which, though haphazardly decorated, proved rather well made considering the eggs where about a day off being vomit inducing. Kyuyo pulled Nagi into her mindscape and told her about her parents.

She cried for about an hour. Unlike what Kyuyo had expected they weren't tears of sadness, at least not all of them, but instead where the tears of happiness of a life-long orphan knowing of her parents. What had surprised the immortal demon the most though was when Nagi had found out that it was her own father who sealed Kyuyo in her. Rather she seemed determined to prove to the rest of the villagers that her father's faith was founded... that and the young girl refused to believe that her Kyuyo-kun was dangerous in any way, shape or form.

Kyuyo wasn't sure whether her views where the result of naivety or maturity beyond her years but it resulted in Kyuyo coming to one conclusion. If Nagi was going to be intent on proving herself to the village than he would make sure she had the life she deserved in the process.

For that though Kyuyo would have to get out of this damn seal.

This is how we got to point where Nagi was kneeling on the ground in Konoha's forest outskirts. Being watched by a few small Kami as she looked at the tattoo like burn adorning the place between her collarbones.

"Ready for this Kyuyo-kun?" Asked to the girl jailor to her unwilling prisoner.

"Fine Nagi-chan." Answered the red haired Biju. He was sitting on top of a small rock platform in the middle of his sodden prison, the result of Nagi's attempts to change the interior of her mindscape. It was a work in progress.

"Alright! Let's do this." Nagi slowed her breathing like Kyuyo had taught her. Closing her eyes she placed both hands over the mark that Kyuyo's chakra had burned into her skin. It had been a painful process but if this work she would take any pain.

Inside the girl's mindscape the red haired teen had assumed a similar meditative state of breathing. His legs were crossed in his usual western sitting position. Hands resting on his legs as if the demon was praying with his fingers interlocked. Like Nagi his eyes were closed, unlike Nagi it wasn't blackness which he saw but rather Nagi's field of vision (despite her own eyes being closed at the moment).

It had been three months since Nagi's birthday and since then Kyuyo had been studying the seal intently. It was lucky that he had good eyes because twelve feet was about as close as he could get before it started to feel like his individual cells were being stabbed with searing hot needles.

Even after a month of this Kyuyo had only come to the conclusion that Minato was better at this than he thought. How strange that it was his daughter who would eventually find the solution.

When you think about it the idea wasn't really all that surprising. As a descendent of the Uzumaki clan as well as the Yondaime Hokage sealing was in her blood. Even if she didn't understand it at the age of seven sealing made more sense to her than the Japanese language. It wasn't a bloodline so much as genetic memory that passed down the knowledge of sealing even if the clan structure dissolved as long as those with Uzumaki blood existed the talent and knowledge wouldn't die. It was due to this that she realised that a lot of seal, in her own words 'didn't connect'.

It took a while for Kyuyo to realise what that meant. When he did it was damn confusing. Basically the seal was superfluous. At least the majority of the seal was superfluous. Kyuyo may not have known why he was sealed but he knew it was done quickly. Mistakes were to be expected. In fact mistakes were what he was looking for. This wasn't a mistake though.

The seal worked damn near flawlessly. The seemingly pointless additions were not part of the seal at all rather they were only made to look like it was. When Kyuyo looked at the additions separately he realised it was actually instructions. Instructions for a Jutsu.

It took two months to properly decipher and learn the Jutsu. Once the seals were set the actual Jutsu process was rather easy but relying on two important factors. One the Jinchirku was performing the ceremony of their own free will, meaning they had to be in the right state of mind and thus physically and mentally in control of themself, and two was that the Biju was perfectly calm, no rage, no excitement, no emotion full stop.

Everything was set.

"Soul Summoning!" Nagi's voice rang out across the clearing as the burn tattoo glowed white over her tanned skin. Thick tendrils of crimson chakra flowed outwards from the seal on her navel. The chakra wrapped around her forming four crude tails behind her.

When it seemed like the chakra build up would be too much for the seven year old the chakra started to move away from her body as if it was alive. The further the chakra cloak moved away from the girl the more it started to look like the human form of a certain nine tailed demon fox.

Eventually all but a few tendrils of chakra connected the blonde girl and the mass of chakra human shaped for all but the four tails connected to the construct's back. Simultaneously the white glow of the seal stopped and the remaining streams of chakra snapped. After that happened the construct and the blonde girl, now longer having the chakra to hold them together, tumbled in opposite directions having succumb to the force of gravity.

As Nagi attempted picked herself up, no simple matter as the unfamiliar displacement of chakra made her quite woozy, she was met with a hand. Taking the hand she looked up into the face of Kyuyo.

"That went well. Eh?" Kyuyo said and the teen pulled the seven year old to her feet.

Jinchuriku and Biju shared eerily similar foxy grins before breaking out in laughter.

Soul Summoning is a technique originally designed to manifest the demons of one's mind and unleashes them upon a ninja's enemy. It is an ancient technique and due to the dangers present with summoning dangerous monsters from one's own mindscape few users survived to pass on the technique. It is said that the last remaining knowledge of the technique was lost with the destruction of the original birth place of the technique. Uzushiogakure.

Once though when knowledge of the technique was still in circulation a Jinchuriku used it summon his Biju. The Jinchuriku had discovering that even if the Biju is removed carefully the Jinchuriku will still die. It was actually due to a down side of the healing factor that the Jinchuriku's immune system became reliant on it. When the Biju is removed the immune system no longer able to handle itself without the Biju's demonic chakra and so the Jinchuriku will die soon after no matter the precautions taken. In using the Soul Summoning technique he could summon the Biju's consciousness while still leaving chakra in his body by regulating the amount of tails worth of chakra giving when the technique is first used. The weakness is that in this incomplete form the Biju are unable to replenish any chakra they use; either with Jutsus or the small but continuous drain that existing took, without returning to the seal and to the main reservoir of power that was left behind within it.

Though limited the technique gained the Jinchuriku some regard, sadly the Third Shinobi War was declared shortly after the two perfected the technique and the Jinchuriku fell in battle due to the betrayal of his comrades. The Biju survived but from now on Nanabi no Kabutomushi had little trust trust any human outside of her subsequent Jinchurike.

Kyuyo knew nothing of the background behind the technique. He simply knew of the lost Jutsu that allowed a Biju to take strolls outside of their prison as well as the limitations behind it. The point was the same regardless though Kyubi no Yoko could now walk the streets of Konoha.

The city would probably never know how it would turn out if these events never happened but now that they did the consequences would undoubtedly be disastrous.

* * *

"It's not fair." Neji Hyuga struck the training post with an open palm. "Fate isn't fair though is it?"

It had been a month since the now infamous Hyuga Kidnapping. It had also been three weeks since the less publicised sacrifice of Hiashi Hyuga's twin brother Hizashi. In those three weeks Hizashi's son Neji Hyuga had barely left his room.

Despite repeated attempts by his younger cousin he hadn't talked with anyone it wasn't until that afternoon that Neji had his first show of real emotion. Sadly that emotion was smacking Hinata Hyuga across the face. In the back of his mind he knew there wasn't really any reason for it, Hinata had only been trying to help him open up. In the front of his mind he didn't care. The branch family suffers all the time why shouldn't the main family get hurt. Even the innocent ones.

Since then Neji avoided the entirety of the family, both main and branch, though for different reasons. The main family members were intent on activating the curse seal whenever they saw him. The branch family wanted to congratulate him on hitting the clan heir something which combined with Neji's back mind thoughts served to only make him sick.

As such the budding ninja had retreated to a secluded training section of the Hyuga clan compound and trained late into the night.

Currently the moon had settled itself into its highest point in the sky. Only auxiliary lamps remained lit in the compound meaning that the clan members had retired for the night and also that Neji had to train by the light of a singular candle.

The wooden training post he used was shattered and splintered. Splinters which seemed to have all gone into Neji's now raw and bloody hands. The recently orphaned boy barely noticed.

He was so involved in his training that he didn't even notice the patter of feet on roof tiles. He did notice when the individual slipped on the tiles, still slick from last night's rain, and fell behind Neji with a crunch.

In an act that was half way between honed reactions and the act of jumping after being scared by a sudden sound in a quite environment. The result wasn't really graceful by any means but it did get the job done, i.e. the two fingers of a juken strike hovering centimetres from the intruder's jugular vein.

Blue-grey eyes met sky blue for a few tense minutes. Neither daring to move even an inch. One was waiting for the slightest sign of a fight in the intruder. The other was thinking the boy's eyes looked weird.

Eventually the one with sky blue eyes spoke. "Why are your eyes like that?"

Negi blinked twice. "Like what?"

"You know all... white."

"..."

"..."

"I'm a Hyuga."

"Good for you, but that doesn't answer my question."

"... It means I posses the kekkai genkai the Byakugan."

"Cool. What does the Byakagin do?"

"Byakugan! The All Seeing White Eye."

"Well I get the white eye part, though they have a sort of blue-grey hint to them, but they can't see everything. You only have two." The matter of fact way that the blonde girl said it actually made Neji have to think for a few moments about his answer.

"The Byakugan posses a 360 degree range of vision. With it I can see in all directions at once." Neji replied with only a hint of smugness.

The small blonde intruder rose to hand to her chin in a thinking position, placing the black sports bad she was carrying on the ground. "Ah! But then you would just be seeing the inside of your head most of the time. Hmmm, that would be kind of cool." Replied the young girl.

Neji almost gaped. "I would not be seeing the inside of my head because the Byakugan can see through solid objects. Understand!"

"Oh..." Suddenly the girl, her hand still on her chin in the thinking position, suddenly turned a deep red. "Pervert!" The girl screamed and jumped backwards covering her chest with her hands.

Neji was in shock. Looking quickly back at the house to make sure the girl's scream hadn't awoken anyone. He had already hit one girl today being found with a young girl screaming 'pervert' late at night was not going to help.

"What the hell are you talking about you blonde midget." Having made certain that no lights had turned on suddenly the brown haired Hyuga levelled his glare with the girl. She glared right back.

"Your eyes. You're looking through my clothes right now aren't you?"

It was Neji's turn to turn crimson. A little known fact was that the naturally pale skin of Hyuga's meant that when they blushed. They blushed hard.

"I-I-I would never use the Byakugan like that. It's a proud ninja technique meant for looking at an opponent's chakra circulatory system. I would never use it for... for that." Neji ended his rant rather quietly. His face still flushed.

The blonde glared at the pupiless eyes of the blushing boy for a few moments before smiling a grin that, for some reason, only served to make the poor boy blush harder. "Okay I'll believe you but if I ever catch looking through a woman's clothes well..." The blonde's foxy grin turned darkly sadistic "... I'll just have to castrate you. M'kay."

"...kay."

"I'm Nagi Uzumaki by the way. Believe it!" Nagi said raising her hand for Neji to shake.

"... Neji Hyuga." Neji replied shaking the younger girl's hand.

Nagi drew her hand back with a smile but frowned when she realised the amount of blood that now covered her hand.

"Taking the training far aren't we." Nagi said looking at her hand. "So what happened?"

Neji's face assumed a hard scowl as he remembered the events that brought him here. Feeling the need to hit something Neji turned back to the training post.

Ignoring the blonde girl in the process.

"You know it's rude to ignore a question."

Neji continued to ignore the girl thinking she would leave. Strangely it had yet to cross his mind what a seven year old was doing running across the roofs of the Hyuga compound late at night in the first place or what she was doing with a clearly suspicious sports bag. Then again Nagi does have a disarming personality.

"I'm not going to leave unless you tell me what's going on."

Neji continued to ignore her. If he had known Nagi Uzumaki previously he might have realised the dangers of making the girl frustrated. Alas.

"Very well, you sir have forced my hand."

Behind him Neji heard the sound of her sports bag being unzipped but, in a move surprising no-one, he ignored it. Poor bastard.

Neji's aromatic faculties were assaulted by the stench of rotted fish and sour milk. Gagging and clutching his mouth and nose in desperate bid to block the noxious gas Neji retreated to the side wall of the training field.

"_Good to see that I have your attention Neji-baka._"

Neji looked over to the source of the blonde's voice wondering as to the reason her voice was so distorted. When he saw her he realised that the large black gas mask over her face was probably the cause of the distortion.

The black sports bag hung off one shoulder. Unzipped it revealed a collection of haphazardly constructed devices much like the one that now lay by the training post.

Stink bombs.

"_Now are you going to talk?_" Asked the gas-mask wearing stink bomber.

The Hyuga attempted to glare back at the small girl with the famous Deathgaze no Jutsu.

Nagi just cocked her head to the side.

Alas it appeared the famous Deathgaze no Jutsu didn't really have the same effect when the eyes of its target were covered by reflective glass.

Neji sighed and relented on the promise that the blonde remove her mask as it was honestly really creepy.

The two were up till two in the morning as Neji discussing the events of the kidnapping, what happened to his father and what happened earlier. It would have taken less time but Nagi had an odd way of asking questions that drew his story off in tangents. What it even stranger was that it made him reveal information he had told to no one. Like his anxiety about the mother that he never really knew.

At the end he felt somewhat lighter at least until Nagi hit him in the face and he blacked out.

Neji groaned having woken up sometime later on something small and soft.

"That was for your cousin in case you didn't get it." Nagi said in a sing song voice.

"Yeah I figured." Neji replied in a strange voice as he rubbed his nose.

"She really didn't deserve what you did."

"... I know."

"Good, cause you need to work out what you're going to do from here."

"I'm sorry?"

"Are you going to wallow in despair or are you going to grow up to be a man your father would be proud off."

Neji didn't have an answer for that. Not that Nagi expected him to.

"I'm going to have to get going now so would you mind getting up."

Neji was about to ask him what she meant before he noticed where his head was actually resting. Her lap.

The boy shot up faster than a bullet. Not that he knew what a bullet was but the point was the same.

Nagi giggled and picked up bag. Neji hadn't seen her zip it up but she seemed to have packed away her gas-mask which was probably a good sign.

"I'll see you later." With that she was up the wall, across the roof and away from the Hyuga compound. From reasons he didn't understand Neji didn't like seeing her leave.

A week later a meeting between the Hyuga clan heads would be assaulted by a collection of highly potent stink bombs. After word of the event got out a small group of Branch members became witness to the highly disturbing sight of Neji Hyuga rolling on the ground in laughter.

That night Neji saw the blonde she-prankster again as she returned to the scene of the crime. Neji had the suspicion that she did so simply because she could.

That night they had another late night conversation though this time the topics were more mundane and didn't result in Neji getting hit at the end. He got a small hit about half way through, but not at the end.

The two would have three more of these late night conversations over the next month. At the end of this third conversation Neji had a strange thought.

'Nagi's rather cute when she's tired.'

It all went downhill from there.

* * *

"Are you sure this is going to work." Kyuyo said his hands were clasped together in a battle position.

"Don't worry about it" A nine year old Nagi said her eyes narrowed in concentration. Her arms were held out front in a battle position. "Now come on hit me with all you got. Unless you don't think you're man enough."

Mumbling quietly to himself that he wasn't really a man Kyuyo gathered oxygen in his mouth and sparked it. A huge tongue of sapphire blue fire spit out from Kyubi's mouth consuming his blonde friend.

Kyuyo covered his eyes with his hands not wanting to see what had happened. A few seconds later Kyuyo let out a deep sigh of relief as he heard the familiar laughter of a young girl.

Removing the hand from his eyes he saw the strange sight of a petite blonde girl laughing as she stood in the middle of a blue raging inferno without any negative effects on her health. The sapphire flames licked her flesh, hair and clothes and yet didn't leave as much as a singe on her.

Nagi smiled rather pleased with herself. "I told you this Aura thing would work." Looking down at her orange sundress she added. "Though it's good you know how to make clothing fire retardant."

If one looked closely at the young girl's skin they would notice an almost imperceptible layer of orangey red chakra. This was her Aura. Unlike a chakra cloak used by most Jinchuriki the Aura was a combination of Kyuyo's demonic chakra and Nagi's own resulting in what was approximately a tail worth of chakra completely under the girl's control. As opposed to having to borrow it from Kyuyo. Making it far more versatile due to the fact that the chakra was much easier to control. Replicating the fire-proofing Kyuyo was so proud of was only the first step.

"Nagi I assure you that I have utter faith in your abilities but did we really have to test a technique like this with a giant fireball. Couldn't we have done something that wouldn't have result in you being extra crispy if the technique failed?"

"You know what they say. Go hot or go home." Nagi said before grinning slyly. "Besides Kyuyo-kun I thought you liked torching people."

Kyuyo pouted in indignation. "I only like torching people I don't like and I don't not like you." Kyuyo placed his hand on his forehead. Doubles negatives always gave him a headache.

Nagi just laughed. "All right let's test out my next trick." Still standing unfazed in the blazing hot inferno Nagi raised her right arm. Half closing her eyes in concentration Nagi focused her Aura into one point on her forearm. Immediately her chakra spiked as the Aura started to bubble like boiling water narrowing her eyes further the charka began to bubble and snake upwards.

In a few seconds the chakra had formed into a large maple red coloured appendage. This technique was based off the red claws of chakra that Kyuyo was capable of forming (3). Though Nagi's Chakra Arms were a different shade of red and possessed only three fingers and a thumb. Giving them more of a cartoonish feel.

Smiling to herself Nagi stretched her arm out in the direction of a loose log resting at the side of the clearing. Following her mental instructions the arm reached out and gripped the log. The heat of the Aura, due to the inclusion of Kyuyo's Pyro natured chakra, sizzled the log a bit but other than that the wood was left relatively undamaged.

Increasing the flow of chakra into her Aura the arm puffed in size a bit and lifted the large log effortlessly.

Nagi looked like someone had just given her a bar of gold coated in sugar. "Hey. I did it. I did it. Are looking Kyuyo?"

Kyuyo smiled as the girl acted like the child she was. Not that he would say that out loud. The problem with teaching someone to boost their strength of demonic levels meant their punches tended to hurt demons. A lot.

The tender moment was short lived however as the log the arm suddenly combusted. In her excitement the girl forgot to properly regulate the balance of chakras in her Aura. Causing the levels of Pyro natured chakra to swell heating the Aura somewhere in the levels of Kyuyo's superheated blue fireballs.

In laymen's terms. Big wooden log go 'fwooosh'!

Kyuyo sighed and breathing in drawing the heat from the log fire, and the inferno Nagi was still comfortably standing in while he was at it, into his mouth to diffuse. As he was doing so he wondered briefly whether his self made artificial body could have a heart attack because if it could. Nagi would undoubtedly be the cause of it.

Once the fires were out Nagi scratched the back of her head in embarrassment. "Still a little work to do, huh."

"Yeah." Kyuyo replied and turned around. "Let's go to the park. You start Ninja Academy in a few weeks so you might as well enjoy your free time while you have it."

"Aww, but I want to train more. I bet I can get the log lifting right this time. You know without the combustion." Nagi pouted.

"If so you're going to need a new log." Kyuyo said pointed to the smouldering remains of the giant hunk of wood. "Now then. Park. Now!" Kyuyo added dangerously.

"What if I say no?" Nagi said with a grin, ever the little shit stirrer.

Kyuyo only responded with his own grin that showed off his sharp teeth.

* * *

Sakura Haruno wasn't having the best day. In fact her entire week was pretty bad.

It had all started with her best friend Ino Yamanaka. In fact she had discovered that most of the things she did started with Ino. That right there was the problem. She was becoming less of a person and more of a pink haired puppy that just followed Ino around. Thus she had decided to go out on her own. Become her own person. She would do that via competition with her best friend. Which is how the girl had come to be pursuing the cool and good looking Sasuke Uchiha.

That been last week and in all honesty she hadn't been doing so well. For one the pink haired girl underestimated the sheer amount of girl's that were trying to win over the Uchiha. Just attempting to get close to moon over the raven haired boy involved running a painful gauntlet of pre-teen fangirls. As far as fangirls went it was the pre-teen ones that always bit the hardest.

The girl was close to just giving up and apologising to her blonde friend after the first five days. Thankfully her mother had heard of her daughter's quest to win the Uchiha's heart and offered words of encouragement.

Admittedly the way her mother had afterwards had started cackling manically was a bit weird. Something about the finances of the Uchiha's. The young Haruno had yet to learn what the word 'finances' meant so she just ignored it.

Still she was starting to get depressed at her failures and had come to the park to sulk. It had been an interesting walk actually as various villagers had been talking about the blonde demon being carried away by a red haired man that must have been an undercover Anbu.

Sakura wasn't sure about any demons but she did see a small girl being carried in the arms, or more over the shoulder, of a red headed teen. The blonde girl seemed to be red faced and screaming at the teenager who only smiled calmly. The girl certainly didn't look like any demon. If anything the teen with his deep red eyes was probably him more the demon if anything. Still Konoha was a strange village at times. Better to just move past it.

Eventually she made it to Konoha's central park. Buying an ice cream from one of the park vendors the pink haired nine year old walked over to a shady spot on a bench beneath the trees.

It was a bit early in the year to watch the Cherry Blossom trees, an event that she always enjoyed, but Konoha Central Park was beautiful enough to be enjoyed at any point in the year. A fact which made many people come here when they needed time to think. Thus this part of the park, which had heavier tree coverage, had a very relaxed atmosphere and anyone who came here to play would be quickly chased off by those who had yet to fully unwind.

Though what Sakura didn't know is that typical social norms didn't apply to one hyperactive blonde girl.

"What cha' doing."

Sakura shrieked and very nearly dropped her ice cream. It was only due to a red coloured hand to steady the cone that the girl didn't drop her frozen treat.

Wait, red hand!

Sakura looked around quickly only to find no trace of any red appendages. Calming her clearly hysterical mind down Sakura looked over to where the voice had come from and was treated to the sight of a small blonde girl wearing an orange sundress and bearing three whisker marks on each of her cheeks. Weirder was that she was on her hands and knees at the other end of the seat staring at her like a dog. It would have been cuter if she didn't notice the blonde making eyes at her ice cream

There was something familiar about the girl but rather than dwelling on it Sakura pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind and gave the girl a polite smile. "Hello. Is there anything I can do for you?"

The girl cocked her head to the side like it was a weird question. Sakura twitched as she repressed the urge to grab the much smaller girl and scream 'KAWAII!'.

"I was just wondering what was up. You seemed depressed." The blonde girl eventually said. Sakura was actually surprised at the sincerity of her voice. It made her fumble at little.

"I... uh... I was just thinking about life you know."

"Oh and what happened in life to make you have to think about it?"

Sakura was getting a little annoyed with the third degree. "Don't you ever just think about life for the joy of it?"

Without skipping a beat the blonde girl flipping her legs around and plonked down in the normal sitting position before answering confidently. "Nope."

Sakura was about the say something before the blonde elaborated.

"I mean what's the point of mulling over things. Better to just do now and regret later. Right"

The blonde finished with a foxy smile which, once again, made Sakura twitch as she once again had to repress her KAWAII urge.

Still Sakura had to smile herself. "I can't really tell if those words are naive or wisdom beyond your six years."

The blonde blinked. "I'm nine."

Sakura was actually shocked at this. "Wow you're really short."

"I'm not short!" The blonde shouted and Sakura laughed. Little did the two know this would be the start of a debilitating and highly comical complex. On the level of another short blonde.

In another dimension an alchemist wearing a crimson clock and possessing only two actual limbs sneezed.

"Are you coming brother?" Asked a hulking suit of armour walking in front of the alchemist.

"Yeah yeah." The alchemist rubbed his nose and hurried along mumbling something about stupid authors and lame cut away jokes.

But that's that a story for another time.

"So what's your name?" Sakura asked the blonde who was mumbling about pink haired giants or some such nonsense.

When she was asked the question the blonde did a full one eighty personality change and went from mumbling veiled threats to smiling sweetly. "Nagi Uzumaki at your service." Adding a mock bow.

Sakura though realised why the girl looked familiar. Nagi Uzumaki was a girl that her mother constantly told her to stay away from. She said the girl was dangerous.

Though when Sakura looked at the blonde girl giving an exaggerated bow she couldn't help but think her mother was... well a bit full of shit. Besides if there was one thing the pinkette could use now it was a friend.

"Sakura Haruno." Sakura said placing her hand on the blonde's head. "Pleasure to meet you Nagi-chan."

* * *

"So is that him?" Nagi said from her place behind the bush.

"Yeah." Sakura replied dreamily. It had been approximately two weeks since the pinkette and the blonde had become friends. When Sakura's mother had found out she had become angry in a way that both confused, and frightened her a little, but a bit of well timed sniffling and teary eyes had calmed her mother down.

Since that time Sakura had become somewhat protective of Nagi for all her eccentricities and bouts of mental instability.

The two had been going to the same park where they had meet for ice cream when Nagi spotted a large crowd of pre-teen girls. Realising it was the fan girl mob Sakura grabbed Nagi's hand and ran behind a nearby bush. Though she wasn't really sure why.

After calming the blonde, who was having some kind of nam flashback about the last time she had seen the ravenous fan girl mob. Sakura didn't know being trampled by three dozen pre teens felt like and that was something she was really glad for. Sakura took the opportunity to show off her crush to her new blonde friend.

"He could do with smiling more." Nagi wasn't very impressed. Sakura didn't really take well to her crush being insulted but she soon realised that it was probably better that Nagi didn't like Sasuke. She didn't want to lose another, ironically blonde, friend over her crush.

"Still he's cute isn't he?" Sakura said returning from her thoughts.

Nagi half shrugged. "To each their own I suppose. Kyuyo-kun's cuter if your ask me." Somewhere deep in Nagi's subconscious a red haired demon of unimaginable power blushed like a Hyuga.

"Kyuyo-kun? Who's that?" Sakura was actually genuinely curious she didn't even know Nagi was interested in boys. That Hinata Hyuga she had seen blushing and spying on Nagi raised some odd questions.

Never the less Nagi waved off the question. "I'll tell you later. So anyway are you going to talk to him?"

"Uh... well I don't know. You don't think he'd be annoyed would you?"

"Never known if you don't try." Nagi answered with a shrug and a smile.

"What about the mob?"

Nagi smile grew wider and eviller. "Leave them to me. It's payback time." With that the blonde slipped away leaving Sakura to wonder what was going to happen.

A few minutes later she found out.

"Hey Sasuke!" The fan girls, and to a lesser extent the last Uchiha, looked over to see Nagi Uzumaki waving from on top of the park's fountain. An innocent smile on her face. The fan girls narrowed their eyes at this blonde who was using a familiar tone with the Uchiha. "I heard a rumour that the reason you're so moody is because you brother buggered off before you could confess to him."

The entire park was silent. Then the fan girls rioted. Nagi laughed and ran away the fan girls trailing behind her.

In a few seconds Sasuke was left alone in the park his fan girls having left to give chase to the blonde his eyes ever so slightly wider than usual, which for those talented in deciphering Uchihaese translated to 'wtf'. Shaking his head he started walking to the library like he had intended.

Which is why when a blushing pink haired girl showed up, blocking his path, the Uchiha could barely repress a groan of annoyance.

"Uh... I was wondering if you'd like to go get an ice cream... um... S-sasuke-kun." Sakura said drawing upon all her inner reserves of confidence.

The Uchiha didn't even bother to repress his sigh this time. "Why don't you make yourself useful and chase after the blonde weirdo." Was all the Uchiha said as he walked past the shocked pinkette.

"...Sha-SHANNARO!"

* * *

"Hey Sakura-chan." Nagi waved to her pink haired friend not even panting after a two block sprint as she lead the ravenous fan girl mob right into a collection of paint bomb nests. Konoha's resident Jinchuriku mentally chuckled at the memory.

Her smiled faded though when she noticed the aura of anger swarmed around the young pinkette.

"S-sakura-chan."

Sakura snapped her head around at the sound of the voice, but smiled at the sight of the blonde. Though her eyes still held the dangerous intensity of rage and fire.

"Nagi-chan. Come on let's get ice cream." Grabbing the shocked blonde's hand, rather hard, Sakura walked towards to the nearest ice cream street vendor.

"Um, Sakura-chan what happened with Sasuke."

Sakura stopped mid stride and turned back to Nagi. Her face a terrifying sadist smile. "Don't worry about it. We don't ever have to talk about that piece of shit, duck butt haired teme again." Sakura turned back around and continued walking.

"... okay."

**"Nagi-chan do you think we should ask about all the blood on her hands."**

'I don't think that's a very good idea Kyuyo-kun.'

**"...Yeah you're probably right."**

* * *

"Daddy."

Aguno Haruno looked up from his news paper at his only daughter and smiled. While mentally giving a sigh of relief. "What is it honey?" He was actually very happy that his daughter was talking again. That had been the first thing his daughter had said in three days after coming home from hanging out with that Uzumaki girl. When his wife had seen Sakura when her eyes downcast and her fists bloody the first thing she had done was ask what had the Uzumaki girl had done to her.

Killing Intent, he believed that was what ninjas called it, was what Sakura had released. Though the flaming eyes of rage were probably enough to shock his wife into inaction. After checking that the blood on her hands was indeed someone else's he sent Sakura off to read a book and attempted to snap his wife back into reality.

A day later his wife while they were making dinner had asked Sakura how her crush on the Uchiha was going. How his nine year old daughter managed to crush the metal platter like it was cardboard he honestly didn't know. To be honest he was a little proud if utterly terrified.

Somehow the fact that she was talking again gave him hope that everything would go back to normal.

"Dad can I attend the Ninja academy."

So much for that theory.

"W-why would you want to attend the ninja academy? Don't you know how dangerous being a ninja can be?"

"Yes."

"Then why-"

"There's someone I want to protect. So I have to be strong."

Aguno was about to deny his daughter's request before he saw the determination in his daughters eyes.

"All right Sakura. I'll contact the academy tomorrow."

Sakura smiled and hugged her dad before running out of the room before he changed his mind.

Aguno sighed. "Damn I'm weak." Never the less you could see the hint of a smile on his lips before he obscured it with the paper.

* * *

"I still don't see why you like this guy so much." Kyuyo, in his Soul Summoned form, said to his blonde companion.

"Oji's an awesome ninja. 'Side's your just saying that because you and Ani always fight." Nagi answered. Held in her arms was a sealing scroll the size of Kyuyo's forearm.

"With good reason!" Kyuyo said pointing his finger dramatically. "Bandage mouth and frost boy are corrupting you."

"I thought you were corrupting me." Nagi said with slitted eyes.

"Exactly! They're taking over my job!" Kyuyo shouted before crossing his arms in a pout.

"Oh. Don't worry you'll always be my favourite fox." Nagi said patting his arm. If she could reach she probably would have scratched him behind his ears. "Now come on I don't want to miss Oji's training. You know how difficult it is from him and Ani to visit with their job as travelling mercenaries."

As Nagi ran forward to the hidden clearing near the edge of Konoha's forest where her Oji would be waiting Kyuyo briefly wondered if he should tell her just what kind of mercenaries the man who had practically adopted her when she was seven and the boy who considered her an adorable little sister.

"Nah. It'll be funnier to watch when it all blows up in their faces." He said out loud before teleporting to the clearing in a swirl of yellow fire.

* * *

"Tenten-san you have not told us why it is important to go to the Ninja Academy." Rock Lee asked his teammate the weapon's mistress.

"Because Lee. Someone's trying to usurp my position. I can't let that happen." Tenten growled back her fists clenched in anger.

Maito Gai mentally sighed. His female student had been like this for three days now and no one knew why. Everything he or Lee asked, Neji as usual was caught up in his own little world, one day he would make for a truly hip rival for now it was just a pain to teach, they were simply given some incomprehensible answer usually involving some variation of the words 'blonde', 'midget', 'whisker faced' and whatever number of profanities she felt like at the time. Maito had a bad feeling of what was going to happen today.

"Could you at least tell us what position is being usurped?" Neji asked getting a little impatient with this entire exercise. Though inwardly he was very grateful for something else than a pointless D-Rank mission or Gai-sensei's insane idea of training. The training was so harsh that Neji didn't even have time to stal- er... discreetly follow from a respectful distance his small blonde.

"What position! My position as the Number One Troublesome Kunoichi of course!"

The three Shinobis of Team Gai blinked. Well the two green covered Shinobis blinked. The Hyuga of Team Gai paled, though with that complexion you wouldn't notice it, as he suddenly had a very good idea of where this was going.

Tenten just ignored them and kept walking to the Ninja Academy.

It wasn't until they got to the Academy gates that Tenten was finally convinced to elaborate. In other words when she finally got tired of being pestered by Gai and his little green clone.

Tenten gritted her teeth and sighed in exasperation. "Fine! Just shut up. As you may have gotten the impression I'm not the traditional idea of a Kunoichi."

'Nooooo.' The three Shinobi thought in unison.

"Anyway while I was still in the Ninja Academy I got stuck in those useless Kunoichi classes. I mean what is the use of learning flower arranging and I swear to Izanami Gai-sensei if you give me that piece of shit textbook answer I'm going to use you as target practice!"

Wisely Gai closed his mouth mid lecture.

"So naturally I got a little bored in these classes and wanted out. But our Kunoichi sensei said every Kunoichi needed to know this so I had to resort to extreme measures. That is how I became the the Number One Troublesome Kunoichi of all time. But now! Now some blonde midget girl not only takes over my position she actually gets transferred to the Shinobi classes. It's an outrage!" Tenten screamed before stomping off to the grounds where the Academy Students would probably be having lunch.

Maito Gai scratched his head. "Who could actually cause so much trouble they'd get kicked out of Kunoichi classes."

"Would it require Youthful or Unyouthful spirit Gai-sensei!"

"I'm not sure. This bears further investigation come my youthful student!"

"Yes Gai-sensei!"

As Green Beast and Green Beast in training ran off after his female teammate Neji removed a picture from a hidden pocket in his beige jacket. The picture in question was a small photo of him and a certain petite blonde. Originally the picture was one third larger but Neji had cut out the portion of the photo which contained the blonde's pink haired friend who looked like she was working out the optimal place in his spine to stick those poisoned senbon of hers. He was about to walk away from the inevitable mess that this would cause. When a familiar voice echoed over the Ninja Academy.

"Do you see what happens when you mess with the next Hokage!"

Tenten was looking around the back of the Ninja Academy when the declaration of Hokagedom was shouted from the rooftop of the ninja academy.

Looking up she saw the walls of the Ninja Academy covered in graffiti of various colours, shapes and a multitude of spirals. On top of the roof was her three day old Arch-nemesis, Nagi Uzumaki.

She was just as short as the Weapon Mistress had heard, barely reaching five foot. Her skin was tanned with the distinctive whisker marks on her cheeks. Her hair was a bright sun kissed blonde that spiked up before falling down under its own weight causing it to flow down to her neck where a pair of goggles was worn. Bangs were held out of sky blue eyes with a pair of red hairclips.

A set of dark navy jeans was worn under an orange sundress which hung down to just above her knees. Only the collarless black flak jacket over her chest gave an indication to her ninja goals though the style was different from the usual chunin jackets. If the descriptions Tenten had heard were to be believed on the back of her flak jacket would be a red spiral, like those worn on the shoulder of chunin and jonin uniforms, for reasons not everyone seemed to remember anymore, and a scroll strapped to her lower back.

Truly the girl was the very vision of a diabolical usurper mastermind.

Tenten was in a strange state of mind.

"Hey! Nagi Uzumaki!" Tenten shouted causing Nagi, and the several chunin teachers attempted to extract her from the roof, to raise their heads and look in her direction. Smirking as she had caught her prey she removed a kunai. Don't ask where some things are better left unknown.

At least that's what she thought. In fact only the chunin teachers were looking at her. Nagi was looking somewhere else.

"Nagi Uzumaki I challenge y-"

"Neji!" Nagi said as she jumped off the other side of the roof.

Tenten blinked as her enemy ran in completely the opposite direction. Shaking her head she ran over to the front of the Academy where Nagi had gone. Gai and Lee following her.

Most of the academy students did the intelligent thing and returned to their lunch. Only a pink haired girl and a dark blue haired girl slipped out to the academy's front inconspicuously.

Tenten reached the front of the Academy in a few second and returned to the battle position she was in previously.

"Nagi Uzumaki I challenge y-"

"So how's life be treating you Neji-baka."

"No-no problems. My sensei's being weird as usual. Such is fate."

"Neji. Don't you remember what I said?"

Neji gulped. "Every time I say fate you hit me with your sword."

"Yep. Now stay still." Nagi grinned darkly as she pulled the scroll on her back from his straps.

"STOP IGNORING ME DAMNIT!"

Nagi stopped removing her scroll and looked at the new comer. "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm-"

"This is my teammate Tenten Nagi-chan." Neji answered for Tenten.

Attempting to gain control of the conversation Tenten patted her chest. "That's right I'm Team Gai's wea-"

"Oh are you the weapon mistress."

"I said stop interrupting me! Wait, how did you know that?"

Nagi smiled now standing close enough to gaze intently into Tenten's eyes. Not even Gai and Lee, who were watching from the sidelines sharing a bucket of pop corn between them, noticed when the blonde had moved.

"Neji-baka told me a lot about his team. Most of it was complaining but he did say you could hit the centre of a target from half a K away." Nagi's eyes sparkled with admiration. Tenten scratched her head in embarrassment having already forgotten would she was supposed to be doing here.

"Well I don't like to brag." Her three male teammates snorted at this. "But yeah, in fact I can even hit a moving target."

"Can you show me?" Nagi asked hopefully.

"Uh... I suppose I could but... do you have a target."

Nagi grinned like the fox she had befriended. "Neji still needs to get his _fated_ punishment."

In that second Tenten saw a lot of herself in the young blonde. Which is probably why she said this. "Can you call me nee-san?"

"Sure." Nagi said smiling.

That was the story of how Konoha's Jinchuriku and Konoha's Weapon's Mistress met. As well as the cause of a recurring nightmare for Neji Hyuga.

* * *

"So, you excited!" Sakura asked her blonde friend as they walked to the academy side by side. She was dressed in her normal red and white dress with biker shorts underneath. Her hair cut short because it was quote 'easier to manage'. Though the fact she had cut her, previously, long hair short after the rumour that Sasuke liked long hair started circulating showed that her animosity towards the Uchiha hadn't diminished. Hanging from her shoulder was the large grey satchel she always carried with her since her decision to follow the path of a poison expert.

Unsurprisingly the satchel was filled with toxins and poisons, everything from fatal to merely vomit inducing, her chemistry equipment as well as several antidotes and bandages in case anyone she didn't want to, got poisoned. That rarely happened though.

Having also found talent in medical jutsu she had designated herself the team healer for when she and Nagi got on a team. Or at the very least having to heal whoever it was that didn't put them on a team after her poisons had run their course.

"Naturally you better pass after I skipped all those past exams so we could graduate together." Nagi answered with a smirk. Already dreaming of that wicked looking black machete her Oji had promised her when she graduated. Not to mention all the ramen she would eat courtesy of Iruka-sensei's wallet.

Sakura scoffed. "Me. You better hope they let you past with those weird Aura Clones of yours." The cherry blossom head pointed out. Nagi just smiled cockily.

"When they see the superiority of my Aura Clones they'll probably promote me to chunin right there."

"Are these the same clones that make it feel like I'm punching jelly whenever I hit them?"

Nagi pouted. "Where's Hinata-chan anyway."

Sakura thought about the recent and shy addition to their group. Though honestly she hadn't been so much added as she had been dragged out from behind the tree when Nagi had finally spotted her after Izanagi knows how many years. Judging from the way the Hyuga blushed like a cherry she probably would have been able to die happy.

Sakura really had to ask the shy girl about her sexuality one of these days and why she had decided on a girl who wouldn't even notice if a mob of guys showed up on her doorstep brandishing chocolates and roses.

She actually had a bet going with Hinata's little sister, Hanabi, about when this would happen and how Nagi would respond.

Sakura also had a bet going with the waitress at Nagi's favourite ramen shop about when Hanabi would start trying to jump Nagi. Seriously the blonde was like Hyuga catnip.

"Let's see if I know Hinata she's probably...Ah. Over there." Sakura said pointed behind the tree they were walked past. "Why do you still hide behind trees anyway?"

Hinata shrugged. "I find it calming."

Sakura shook her head about the fact that she could never get normal friends. Nagi just laughed.

"Let's just get going before we're late for graduation exams. They're not going to let us run late when we actually become ninja."

Somewhere a certain cyclopean shinobi sneezed.

* * *

What do think?

**Now you're asking for our opinion. What happened to Mr. Leave-me-alone.**

Don't misunderstand I still want you gone. I just thought you could be useful before you leave.

**...**

_Lol. Pwned. __

Indeed. Well anyway that was a very long chapter and I am incredibly glad it's done.

**Yeah what was with the length? What was it 9000 words. Last chapter was 5000 including the rambling you call Author's Notes.**

I aim for word lengths but I tend to write in scenes. This chapter was pretty much just humour and setting the scene and canon changes. Next chapter will start right where this left off.

_And to mess with Neji? )_

And to mess with Neji.

**Just get to some action next chapter. Readers want to see blood.**

Really I got the impression most were Romance and Humour fans. For one that is what this fic is listed under.

**All right fine. I want to see some blood! Keeps this drivel interesting.**

If you guys aren't going to leave could you at least get someone helpful?

_Aren't I helpful? ?_

No! **No!**

_Wah! :( _[Childness Runs off crying]

I almost feel bad.

**I don't.**

I figured. Well then read and review. Jamata!

* * *

(1)- I have been reading way too many Steampunk novels. Hmmm. I wonder when my copy of Monster Blood Tatoo Book 3 is supposed to show up.

(2)- Kami is the Japanese word for spirits, natural forces or essence in the Shinto faith. Literally it can translate as God or Deity but many scholars argue that this causes misunderstanding as people may believe it refers to a single God. In some cases these Kamis are personified as Izanagi-no-Mikoto and Izanami-no-Mikoto (the father and mother of the Japanese pantheon of deities). The Kami's in this sense refer to the more common cases concerning the phenomenon of natural emanation, the spirits dwelling in trees, or forces of nature. In a way they like nature spirits or even simply an aspect of spirituality as there portrayed in this. For the purposes of this fic the Kami appear similar to the Gods in Princess Mononoke

I have a serious pet peeve over what Naruto FanFiction has done to the Japanese Mythology. Particularly those that refer to Yami as a dark god of sorts. Let's get this straight Yami is the underworld and is ruled over by Izanami-no-Mikoto the Japanese goddesses of death. The only time Yami is referred to as a god, or really goddesses, is in Hindu beliefs or in Tibetan beliefs where she is the goddess of the underworld (Naraka) and the consort of Lord of the Underworld Yama.

Sorry about that but I went to an odd catholic high school. Less focus on praying. More focus on writing ten page reports on a bible passage... or the history of the Torah... or the popular on the purpose of charity as compared to a survey. I'm really glad High Schools over with.

(3)- If you want to know what I'm talking about look up Chakra arms in Narutopedia. Or just go here- .com/wiki/Chakra_Arms


	3. Chapter 2

**Vicious Calm**

**Chapter 2- The Dangers of a Short Blonde**

Chapter 3 woot!

**Been reading Megatokyo again have you.**

Just a tad.

**If it's not fanfiction its webcomics with you isn't it.**

Pretty much at least fanfiction doesn't eat up my internet cap as much. Well anyway I've been getting great response for this fic...

**Unlike your I Belong To Nobody story.**

Don't remind me [Sigh] well anyway I've finally gotten around to updating this so I hope everyone enjoys this.

**Didn't one reviewer tell you to calm down? I see you've totally ignored their advice.**

Wait are you talking about! I'm calm. I'm totally calm. I am the pinnacle of all that is cool, calm and collected!

**... You done?**

Oh yeah. Childness disclaimer!

_Cat-chan doesn't own Naruto |_|_

**Hell he barely owns the idea for this fic.**

One day I'm going to work out where the line that inspired this whole thing came from.

* * *

"Nagi. You're up." Shikamaru commented; yawning as he did so, as the lazy newly appointed ninja, identified by the shiny hitai-ate that was wrapped around his leg, walked out of the double doors of the testing room.

In response the small blonde jumped up from where she and her friends were seated. Also 'jumped up' wasn't an exaggeration. The blonde quite literally jumped onto the next row in front or her and bounded over to the double doors of the testing room, managing to trample on more than a few fingers in the process.

The class, which had previously been chatting loudly, became eerily quiet once the blonde went into the room. Every time the blonde menace had taken any kind of practical test, and some written tests, it always ended up with the fire alarms going off. No one expected this one to be any different. For the most part people were preparing to run to the nearest exit once they saw any sign of smoke. Hell, even Hinata and Sakura were ready to bolt if need be. The two girls may love their friend but they also loved life and dying in a fiery explosion was not the way either wanted to die.

A few more daring students like Kiba and Shikamaru (actually Shikamaru wasn't being so daring he was just too lazy to walk back to his desk and lied down next to the door) had their ears to the door attempting to listen to what was happening.

This was what they heard.

"All right Nagi-chan, please perform the bunshin jutsu." Said the kindly voice of Iruka Umino.

"Yes sir!" Sounded the chirpy voice of Nagi. Somehow you could imagine she was giving a salute even though no one could actually see her.

"Heh, this should be good." Chuckled what must have been the voice of Mizuki.

THUMP!

"My eye!"

"I apologise for Mizuki-teme. Please continue."

Nagi didn't answer. At least not with words. Kiba and the others waited for the CHING sound of a jutsu activating and braced themselves for the inevitably explosive that would follow.

Instead they heard something which sounded a lot like boiling water.

"Whoa."

"What the hell is that?" Mizuki yelled with the accompanying sound of hands slamming against a table. There was the squeak of a chair being pushed back and the scuffle of footsteps. Only Kiba, with the advantage of his enhanced canine hearing, managed to hear the following noise which sounded like someone had recorded the sound of a lump of jelly being flicked and distorted the hell out of it. "What a useless jutsu. What's the point of a clone with the consistency of jello?" Once again the distorted jelly sound reached Kiba's ears.

"Teme don't touch it you id-"

"AARGHH!" There was a thump as something fell to the floor.

"Told you. Well, I think that last bit alone was enough to earn this. Congratulations Nagi you are now an official ninja of Konoha."

Kiba recoiled away from the door as Nagi's happy screams hit his ultrasonic hearing. Unfortunately he didn't recoil fast enough or far enough as was smashed in the side of the head as the double doors were swung open a moment later.

Out from the doors skipped a joyous Nagi, her shiny new hitai-ate wrapped around her neck in a similar manner to the way Hinata had hers, not noticing that she trampled over Kiba as he lay recovering on the floor.

"If anyone sees Kiba tell him he's up. Now then I have to go get the nearest medic-nin." Nagi said happily walking to the classroom's exit.

"No need to hurry." Iruka called out from inside the testing room.

"All I know is pain." Mizuki said weakly.

"That does not mean you to need to whine about it. Hurry up Kiba."

"Urghh." Was the ninken user's only reply.

* * *

"Good to see our class is still as much a rabble as it ever was ninjas or not." Nagi said looking down at the mess of week old ninja Genin chattering away like a flock of birds.

It had been seven days of rest, or training if you were in to the whole survival through life as a ninja thing, since the exam and all the genin had come back to the Ninja Academy one last time to receive their team assignments. Nagi though, she was just glad to see Hinata again. For some reason the Hyuga Heiress had been strangely absent this past week both during lunch and their weekly sparring session. The blonde had asked Sakura about it but the pinkette had simply replied 'praying'. Nagi had no idea what she meant but with Kyuyo hounding her to hang out with him for the week. The Kyuubi no Yoko had treated the week off as a mini-Spring Break of sorts, so naturally he and Nagi spent their free time breaking various things, the blonde didn't have much time to think about it.

For those who are interested Hinata was praying to whatever divine and/or unholy gods that would listen in order to get her into Nagi's team. Sadly, or fortunately depending on your point of view, the Hyuga had not succeeded in communing with any. Well actually that's not really true. There was that conversation with Dark Prince of Pleasure, Passion and Decadence Slaneesh (1) but the details for that are better left undiscussed. However, she definitely did succeed in scaring her sister.

"At least they're not nervous." Hinata commented though she was more focused on the, sadly very common sight, of Sakura and Ino; forehead to forehead glaring dangerously at each other. The two girls may not have been rivals of love for a long time but with Sakura's constant attempts to harass the last Uchiha they still weren't on the best of terms.

Some of you may actually be wondering just what the pink haired girl could do to the fireball wielding heir of the Uchiha clan. Simply put not all poisons are fatal. Some have less fatal and far more painful effects. Since his second run in with the pinkette, which went about as well as their first meeting, Sasuke had been affected by paralysis, projectile vomiting, bowel pains, rashes, fevers, loss of limb control and... well you get the picture. Sakura and all the wonders of science capable of being made in an extensive chemistry set had put him through quite a lot.

All things considered Sakura is an actually fairly nice person. Polite, patient and understanding to her friends, family and ever random passersby. On the other hand though are the people she loathes, this hand tends to involve a great deal of pain and poisons.

Unsurprisingly the raven haired boy flinched whenever he saw her playing with a senbon or a test tube. Hell once he passed the girl smelling a bunch of flowers and wondered what kind of toxin she was going to get from them.

[If you're curious she got the Oleandrin present in, and the toxin which is responsible for much for the dangers of, the Oleander plant. One of the most poisonous plants in the world capable of causing both gastrointestinal and cardiac effects, its sap can cause skin irritation and severe eye inflammation. It grows well in warm subtropical regions is drought tolerant and used as an ornamental plant in landscapes, parks and along roadsides. It is particularly dangerous to young children and is commonly grown in school yards (2). It is one of the most poisonous of the commonly grown garden plants. Knowledge is fun. Back to the story.]

"Let me pass Forehead."

"Why leave? We're just getting started Ino-pig."

Hinata shook her head; it was times like this that reminded her that she was the normal one of their group. With that scary thought in her head she turned to talk to Nagi.

"What should we do while we wait Nagi-kun (3)." If this were a cartoon Hinata would be seeing a dotted outline of the blonde blinking on and off hovering over the place the said hyperactive blonde had just been recently standing. In other words Nagi had buggered off.

"What are you doing dobe?"

The students in the room turned around at the sound of Sasuke's voice. Sakura and Hinata both paled at the sight of Nagi crouched on top of Sasuke's desk glaring into his eyes.

If there was one thing almost everyone knew Nagi for it was trouble. A smaller and closer selection of people knew her for three things in particular. Trouble, destruction and terrible pain. Not necessarily always in that order, of course. It was a well know fact the most of situations which had Sasuke and Sakura locking horns tended to involve Nagi Uzumaki in some way or another.

Even when she wasn't in the same room Nagi caused trouble.

For the first year her personality had resulted in most people treating the four and a half foot blonde ninja like a joke. The girl would doze off in history class with almost clockwork regularity, she couldn't create a bunshin to save her life (or, judging from the recent exam incident, couldn't create a bunshin that didn't hurt you immensely), she constantly got in trouble for pranks and her first attempt at kawarimi had resulted in the girl disappearing for three hours after replacing herself with an empty sake cup. Eventually she was found in a seedy bar playing, and winning, at cards with several suspected yakuza members. To be fair though the sleeping in class issue did get Nagi her sleeping buddy Shikamaru so as far as she was concerned it all went well.

It wasn't until the beginning of the second year when this started to change. Mizuki, who was filling in for a sick Iruka, had started the year with a free for all battle royale. Nagi's opponent had to be taken to the hospital suffering second degree burns and multiple lacerations from various bursts of scorching hot air and a five foot long zanbatou sword respectively.

Even Iruka, the teacher who knew her best, was still trying to work out how she was even able to lift a foot wide sword taller than herself. Not to mention who in the world taught her to wield it so effectively. Kenjutsu wielders were rare in the hidden leaf village and zabatou users where almost unheard of outside of Kirigakure.

When asked about it Nagi just replied. 'My Oji taught me.' The weird thing was that the way she said it gave the impression that she wasn't trying to be cryptic.

Since that day the young girl had developed a new reputation, one far beyond that of a joke. Her reputation was pure fear. The girl was quite clearly unhinged; there was no other possible explanation, at least not in the minds of the students... and many of the teachers. No one could be so skilled at causing pain and yet wear a smile like that without being mad. It was then, when people started paying attention to the blonde girl, that they noticed her, for lack of a better term, guardians. The same people who treated the crazy blonde like she was the manifestation of all that was good and pure in this world. In addition they also held the position as the ones who would mercilessly beat anyone who looked at Nagi funny.

Few people were foolish enough to mess with the blonde child. Even the teachers thought twice about it after a particularly messy incident involving both Iruka and his now ex-best friend Mizuki.

Sadly however the last Uchiha had a very bad habit of putting his foot in his mouth.

"Get out of the way midget." Those who still bore the memories of a five foot long sword paled and passed out. Nagi's eyes began to blaze.

"Midget!You son of a-"

It was then that it happened. An event that would be remembered till everyone in that classroom at the time had shifted off this mortal coil.

One of the students, who had passed out at the thought of what happened to the last person they knew who called attention to Nagi's size and lack thereof, i.e. him, had just woke up groggily and attempted to stand up. He didn't make it, but in his attempt he knocked the desk directly behind him. The same desk that Nagi was currently crouched upon.

This made her lose her footing and fall forward, right into the path of Sasuke Uchiha's lips. Time seemed to slow down as the raven haired boy and blonde girl's lips slowly closed the distance.

Ino, and other nameless assorted fangirls, prepared to scream at the sheer thought of losing _Sasuke-kun's _first kiss to a girl widely recognised as crazy and, less openly, homosexual.

Hinata gasped at the thought of losing Nagi-kun's first kiss to the teme. Well... she did for about a second before blushing at this thought and began to shake her head. Poor girl's quite confused.

Nearly all male students in the class passed out once more.

Shikamaru continued to snore in the back row.

As for Sakura her eyes went red in uncontained rage at the scene before her, as she rushed forward readying a senbon drenched with the toxin for a particularly virulent strain of stomach flu. Fully intent on shoving the poisonous needle as far down the Uchiha's throat as was **in**humanly possible.

She wouldn't make it in time however as in a few more slow motion seconds the blonde and raven faces' would touch.

At that moment Sasuke's fringe of dark hair burst into flames and time restored to its natural flow.

"Arggghh!" Sasuke cried out as he attempted to quell the flames currently giving his forehead first degree burns.

Nagi, whose honed sense of danger had triggered, caused her to move her body away in a complex and painful looking pattern of bends and flips. She looked up from the floor where she had landed. Blinking she sent a thought to her mindscape.

'Was that really necessary?'

"**Yes. Yes it was." **Answered the chakra entity sitting in her mindscape who was feeling rather pleased with himself.

* * *

"Team 7 will be Uchiha Sasuke..."

A legion of fangirls held their collective breaths.

"... Uzumaki Nagi..."

Nagi yawned like a kitten as she woke up from her cat nap. Judging from the way she looked around it was very likely that she had no idea what was going on. Her personal inner demon and pink haired counterpart reacted a little more violently releasing just enough Killing Intent to send chills down the raven head's spine without anyone else noticing.

"...and finally, Haruno Sakura."

Nagi yayed, Sakura laughed manically, Hinata 'aww'ed sadly apparently the unholy blessing of her new Dark Prince of perversion Slaneesh weren't quite enough, Sasuke fainted and there was a sound like a million fangirls cried out and were suddenly silenced.

"Hinata don't juken the other students."

"Ehhh... Gomen?"

* * *

"Soooo... what do you think our Jounin sensei's going to be like?" Nagi asked oblivious to, or perhaps it was the fact that she simply didn't care about, the sparks of hostility flying between her two new teammates.

Both Uchiha and pinkette were equally unable to disguise their dislike of each other... the fact that Sakura had drawn on Sasuke's face while he had been passed out probably didn't help this matter. Neither did the fact that the new, and highly volatile, team had been left in the classroom waiting for over two and a half hours.

Every other team had already been picked up. Even Iruka had left out of boredom. Not his boredom mind you. In actual fact it was Nagi and Sakura's boredom and it involved Iruka's morning cup of coffee and a powerful but slow acting laxative.

Nagi sighed in a 'I'm bored' way leaning back on her chair as she did so to avoid being clipped by the chair Sakura had thrown at everyone's favourite Uchiha-teme.

'Hey Kyuyo-kun you know anything to do?' She inwardly asked.

"**Hmmmm, wanna play eye spy?"**

'...Seriously. That's the best you can come up with.'

"**It's that or play 'dodge the flying projectiles' with pinkette and Sasuke superior-pants."**

'That it's! That is the last time we are EVER watching Spongebob.'

"**Awwwww."**

'...'

"**..."**

'Fine, we'll play eye spy. Kyuyo-kun you go first.'

"**I spy with my little eye... you know come to think of it if I did have one eye that was smaller than the other it would constitute a serious medical condition but-"**

'_Kyuyo-kun_'

"**B. B! Don't aim for the face."**

'Is it... banister?'

"**Nope."**

'Baroque.'

"**Shockingly no."**

'Let's see. Is it...'

"**Book!"**

'Don't tell me I could have guessed th-'

WHAMP!

The thick textbook slid slowly, almost comically, off the small blonde's face. Once it had fully fallen off instead of the cute thinking expression Nagi had worn previously there was a hardened glare of anger. Her eyes were actually seemed to glow red. Odd seeing as how she had no talent for genjutsu.

"Who?" She asked. Nagi's voice was both eerily calm and brimming with unconcealed rage at the same time.

Both the pinkette and the Uchiha pointed at each other simultaneously.

Nagi looked both up and down painfully slowly before chuckling darkly. "Me thinks it's time to play a game." Nagi said removing the scroll from its place at the back of her flak jacket.

* * *

'Damn. I don't want to do this.' Kakashi of the Sharigan thought as he stood outside the academy classroom his hand hovering over the door. 'I know I have to. I mean it's not like I trust anyone else to look after Sensei's daughter. Plus the training of the last Uchiha could be very interesting. As for the last one... hmmm, should have done more research. Oh well. What's the worst that could happen?'

His father never did teach Kakashi the meaning behind the idea of famous last words.

Automatically assuming a bored expression and a slouched stance (years of training right there) Kakashi opened the door.

TWACK!

While outwardly unaffected. Inwardly Kakashi was freaking the hell out!

He had every right to be mind you. After all a kunai had embedded itself in the frame of the door he had just walked into. Meer inches from his face.

'Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkk.' Kakashi thought though his facial expression didn't change in the slightest. Well maybe he flinched slightly, after all the kunai did manage to cut off a few locks of his sliver gravity defying hair with its trajectory.

Turning very slowly the Jounin saw that the entire classroom had been trashed.

Tables and chairs were overturned, burnt and scorched, cut in half and, in one case, slowly melting into a pool of thick bubbling black treacle like liquid.

Not to mention the foot deep lacerations cut into the blackboard.

In the middle of the classroom, sitting on the only row of intact tables and chairs in the entire classroom, were seated Kakashi's brand new students. All of which were trying, and in the case of Sasuke and Sakura at least, failing, to look completely innocent.

Unknown to him within Nagi's mindscape a teenaged demon fox had assumed a similar position on his Comedic Insta-Desk and was whistling innocently.

Nagi looked over to the sliver haired man that had just walked through the door. "What?"

"..." and "..." was all that Sasuke and Sakura said respectively.

"So you're Team 7. My first impression is... nothing that should be said in the presence of children. Meet me on the roof in five minutes." With that Kakashi shunshined away just in time to avoid the fireball, kunai hail and the jar of an exploding powder all simultaneously launched at his last position.

* * *

The three new shinobi, well two of them were kunoichi but you wouldn't think that if you were fighting against them, arrived at the meeting place after about five and a half minutes (at least half of this time was spent navigating the extremely hazardous classroom environment). While each of the three new ninja arrived at the same time Nagi was the only one who was actually acting cheerful despite (or because of) the recent apocalyptic battle. Sakura was occupied with glaring intently at Sasuke just waiting for a chance to finish what she had started. While Sasuke, who looked like he had wrestled a grizzly bear before swimming to the Land of Waves and back again, had to turn his head at an odd angle to avoid catching sight of Sakura's death glare.

"Glad to see you all made it here without causing anymore property damage. I'm sure it must have been very hard for you all." Sakura turned for a split second to send her pitch black glare in Kakashi's direction. Making the Jounin shinobi flinch a bit before the pinkette reset her glare back on its original target. To Kakashi's credit he didn't squeak girlishly, like Sasuke did when the glare was turned back onto him. He was even able to return to his current speech. "In order to get acquainted with one another let's all introduce ourselves. Tell us your likes, dislikes and dreams for the future." Kakashi finished with a sly eye smile. Which allowed the masked man to both express his emotions, and meant that there was no danger of accidently catching Sakura's eyes and have her stare into his soul.

Call him a traditionalist but Kakashi preferred his soul untainted by whatever particular brand of darkness Sakura had made a pact with. Which was odd considering that Hinata had been the one conversing with the Dark Prince of perversion.

Sakura however seemed to have turned to a sense of professionalism. "Why don't you go first sensei?" Sakura said smiling sweetly. 'The more information I have on sensei the easier it will be to blackmail him.' Well she is a ninja so actually that statement would be considered professional for the newly appointed assassin cum spy cum solider cum regulated mercenary profession.

"Ah, very well." Kakashi said lazily. So far his experience told him to scream 'devil woman' and jump off the building and flee for the safety and sanctity of his soul and surrounding body parts. But alas, the cyclopean shinobi ignored his gut. A dumb move perhaps but outside of ninja skills Kakashi was never the fastest of learners. "My name is Hatake Kakashi. I have many likes and dislikes. My dreams for the future are... none of your business. Thank you."

'All we got was his name.' Sasuke and Sakura thought (Nagi heard but she was far too occupied with a pretty black butterfly that was flying past her to give any responses at the moment). All the while Sakura gave a definitive pout.

"No need to worry Sakura-chan. A shot of truth serum and sensei will be singing like a little masked birdy." Nagi said cheerfully (the butterfly apparently gone), patting her pink haired friend on the back as she did so. Kakashi's forehead sweated outwardly while inwardly he was having a minor panic attack.

"Y-yeah I guess your right Nagi-chan." Sakura responded with a sweet smile. If not for the subject matter Kakashi would have thought the moment rather touching. As it was his minor panic attack turned into quickly a more serious one.

"You can go first Sakura." Kakashi said hoping that she would turn out to actually be a fairly normal and sweet girl as well as that any and all of the events up till now was simply a part of some fairly large misunderstanding.

Sakura smiled kindly. 'So far so good.' Kakashi thought.

"Haruno Sakura. My likes are..." The girl looked over to her blonde friend, who was watching her legs swing back and forth as they failed to reach the ground from the seat. She giggled and smiled sweetly. "My dislikes are..." Looking over to her raven haired arch-nemesis, at least in her mind, in Sasuke's mind he was more like the victim of a violent maniac. Sakura smiled wickedly as she fiddled with a senbon needle held between her fingers. "My dream is to become a skilled poisons master like my idol Chiyo of Sunagakure." 'And to find out the identity of Kyuyo?' Sakura added mentally referring to the never-ending mystery of Nagi's never present, yet apparently existent (though the pinkette occasionally had her doubts about this) oldest and dearest friend. A title which Sakura tried to contest regularly.

Even if it meant the occasional assassination.

"Okay... let's move on to the brooding Uchiha." In a mild act of desperation to move the conversation away from its current topic Kakashi pointed to Sasuke who looked quite pale as he attempted, in vain, to ignore the two girls (a term which he used very loosely).

On hearing his name Sasuke managed a respond. Although the fact that Sasuke had neglected to remove his intertwined fingers from his mouth meant that the words came out muffled rather than dramatic.

"Uchiha Sasuke. I like very few things and dislike many... these two especially." Sasuke tilted his head in the direction of Sakura and Nagi. Sakura bristled at this comment while Nagi looked unconcerned. Whether the blonde was just being innocent or that her mind was too busy spinning the gears of some elaborate revenge plot, Kakashi could not tell. "I have one dream however... it's more like an ambition. That is I am going to kill a certain man and revive my clan."

"Wait a minute," Nagi said interrupting both the moody drama and Sakura's own plan to do the same, "how are you going to do that. I thought it was impossible."

Sasuke sneered behind his hands and glared at the small girl. "You think it's impossible? I can become stronger that man and-"

"Not that! Silly, I meant reviving your clan."

"What?" Sasuke said all traces of his previous anger replaced with confusion. A similar thought was shared by Sakura and Kakashi. After all shouldn't reviving the Uchiha clan be the simpler of the two objectives. At the very least it was the most straightforward to complete. Insert Part A into Slot B and repeat. And repeat. And repeat with as many different suitors as the council was willing to send.

Nagi seemed convinced otherwise though. "Yeah, I don't get it. I mean I've got nothing against your tastes but two men can't have a baby it's both scientifically and biologically impossible!" Nagi pulled a book from behind her back. Once again best not to ask where she was keeping it. "Trust me I've done plenty of research on this. I even found this nice old lady at the library who gave me some books that go into how babies are made in serious detail. I've gone through everyone and they all feature a man and a woman. Well... some involve multiple men and/or women. But definitely at least one man and one woman are needed."

It took a few seconds for the three to decipher what the blonde had just said. When they did... Sakura burst out laughing.

She actually fell to the ground.

Kakashi for his part started to edge closer to Nagi to try and get a good look at the book she had. Purely out of concern as the girl's sensei of course. When he did manage to catch a glance Kakashi suddenly became very glad that the black fabric of his mask covered his nose. It was some pretty explicit material.

Sasuke... well Sasuke flipped. "I'M NOT GAY!"

"Kyuyo-kun said you would deny. But don't worry despite our differences in the past we're teammates now and as teammates I'll help you come to terms with your feelings."

'Kyuyo.' Sasuke thought clutching his hands in barely contained anger. Apparently the Avenger had another name to add to his little black book.

He never actually noticed that Nagi hadn't stopped talking. "... according to Chapter Six the first thing you will need is lubricant." Probably for the best he wasn't listening then.

"Well I think that's enough. We'll talk later for now let's get started with the introduction you've all been waiting for!" Nagi declared jumping on top of her seat. Kakashi had the brief thought that even if he sat down right now he would still tower over the girl. Wisely he kept this thought to himself. "My name is Nagi Uzumaki. I like my friends Sakura-chan, Hinata-chan, Tenten-nii, Neji-kun and of course Kyuyo-kun, Ojiji, Oji, Ani-san, Teuchi-san, Ayame-san and the ramen that they cook," At this Nagi started to drool. Something which appalled Sasuke and made Sakura giggle. Kakashi didn't notice that he was smiling to himself; glad that his sensei's daughter had so many friends and family (he of cause would have to look into this 'uncle' and 'brother' of hers as he had never heard her call anyone that before). "I also like giant swords, explosions, watching things burn, training until I pass out... oh and I like cats, especially ones that could be trained to maul."

Kakashi would also make sure to eradicate whoever was responsible for corrupting his sensei's daughter.

Nagi was just reminded that she'd have to pick up sword polish and cat food on the way home for her graduation presents.

"I dislike the three minutes it takes for instant ramen to cook; I also dislike the fact that any of my ingenious attempts to remedy this has resulted in me having to get a new apartment..."

"If it's any consolation I thought the orange glow from the burning wreckage was quite pretty to look at as it arched across the black sky. Good times" Sakura stated.

'Would have been better if the black sky was actually due to it being late at night and not because of the sun being blotted out by all of the smoke.' Kakashi thought remember the incident.

"... I dislike people who try to control Kyuyo-kun (if anyone had paid close enough attention they would have noticed the way Nagi's eyes flicked quickly to Sasuke Uchiha then over to the mountain carving of the Shodaime Hokage), I also don't like people who cut down trees and don't think about who they hurt and finally I despise anyone who think that they don't have to work to get strong. As for my dream..." Nagi smirked. "What else? I'm going to be Hokage!"

Kakashi smirked, though it was concealed by his face mask, he had to admire her spirit. But wondered if this spirit was all that Nagi had going.

"Well then, now that we are all acquainted with each other it's time for the final test."

"Cool are we going to destroy stuff in the test." Nagi yelled still standing on her concrete seat with her eyes glittering far more than should be considered healthy.

Not the reaction that Kakashi was expected but compared to the uncaring look on Sasuke and the 'so-so' look on Sakura. He'd take what he could get.

"I'm sure you'll get plenty of opportunities to destroy till your heart's content Nagi." Kakashi said with another eye smile and sweat drop. "Meet me at 7:00am on Training Ground 3 and don't eat breakfast. You'll just make yourselves sick." Kakashi smiled once again. This time with no sign of worry and promising nothing but terrible things to come. The next second he had shunshined away leaving the three possibly temporary Genins silent for a moment.

"Sooo... I'm thinking eggs Benedict for breakfast." Said Nagi excitedly.

"I was going to have some sausages and bacon Nagi-chan. You know a nice big greasy breakfast."

Sasuke just sighed.

* * *

"So who exactly am I replacing?" The student teacher shinobi asked Iruka Umino.

"Mizuki, he was my old assistant teacher." Iruka answered simply with a smile as he escorted the newly minted ninja teacher through the halls of the Ninja Academy. "You'll be responsible for a lot of the same duties as a normal teacher. Grading papers, copying various documents, taking the roll and preparing equipment for the practical exams. Just be careful when breaking up fights." Iruka warned though now that his three favourite and also most dangerous students had graduated he might be able to make it through a week without having to visit the medic-nin about burn ointment or having an antidote administered.

"Just out of curiosity what happened to Mizuki." The student teacher asked expecting some story about heroically dying in battle or something. It was only his training that allowed him to notice the way Iruka seemed to miss a step.

"Mizuki? Some unfortunate events occurred and he was... forced into retirement." Iruka answered, somehow coming off as slightly menacing while scratching the back of his neck timidly.

The student teacher shivered. No one in the teacher ninja world ever just 'retired'. No doubt retirement for Mizuki involved a trip to Morino Ibiki.

"Well anyways," Iruka continued quickly, shrugging off the growing oppressive atmosphere as he did so. "Here's the classroom you'll be teaching in."

Walking up to a sliding door Iruka opened the door...

... to find the psychical manifestation of utter chaos. All but a single row of desks in the middle of the classroom looked like a cyclone had been through... assuming that cyclone was made out of fire and extremely sharp objects.

The student teacher looked over to Iruka whose face was set in a silent scream. "You know when I was in the ninja academy we took better care of our classrooms." Iruka turned to the student teacher slowly and with malice. "Too soon?"

"NAGI! SAKURA! HINATA!"

* * *

"I wasn't even involved this time, Sir." Hinata Hyuga said lowering her cup of tea.

"Um, Hinata. What are you talking about?" Kurenai said looking strangely at her new potential Genin student. Across from her Kiba and Shino sat looking equally confused and somewhat disturbed (at least I think Shino was looking confused it really is difficult to tell) the strange rant about something called a Slaneesh during her introduction was bad enough.

"Oh gomen. I just had to finish the punch line." Hinata said blushing as she pushed her two index fingers together.

'Usually ninjas don't start losing it until they reach the rank of a Chunin,' Kurenai thought, 'this doesn't bode very well.' "Anyway as I was saying everyone meet at Training Ground 42 for your final Genin test."

Kiba and Shino just nodded still looking at their female teammate. Kiba was far too confused to remember to yell about having to do another test.

Hinata smiled and went back to drinking her tea. 'I wonder what Nagi-kun's doing.' From the dark madness of the warp a dark and twisted voice whispered inside her head. 'I doubt that she's doing that my Prince. For one thing Nagi-kun doesn't like bananas. Nice thought though.'

"Shino why do you think Hinata drooling?" Kiba whispered to his bug wielding teammate.

"I don't want to know." Shino answered his usual monotone mixed slightly with something that could almost be considered fear.

* * *

"Taiga!" Nagi said as she kicked the door of her apartment open. Her arms were full of shopping bags containing sword polish, cat food and multiple cups of instant ramen. She proceeded to dump the items onto the kitchen counter as soon as she possible could.

The blonde removed two objects from one of the brown paper bags. A small can of cat food which she began to shake the processed meat out of its tin and onto a plate. As well as a cup of miso ramen which she immediately opened and filled with boiling water.

"Taiga!" Nagi yelled out over her apartment. Since the complex she lives in was all but empty the blonde did not worry about annoying the neighbours. Even if she had neighbours it was doubtful she would have cared anyway. In fact that's how she lost them in the first place.

"Come on where are you girl." Nagi called once again as she looked for the aforementioned Taiga. At that moment she heard a soft lapping and chewing sound directly behind her.

Turning slowly around like a protagonist in a horror film Nagi cried out when she saw...

... her miso ramen being eaten by a dark brown cat with light brown tiger like strips down its head and back.

"Taiga! How could you betray me like that!" Nagi cried out as she fell to the ground in an exaggerated gesture of hurt. "Oh well." Picking her head up Nagi scratched the cat she had gotten as a graduation present from Kyuyo (4). In all honesty a ramen eating cat was by far the coolest present she had ever gotten.

Not to say the black steel machete she got from Oji and the orange kimono from Ani weren't also excellent present. But Taiga was already pre-trained to claw out peoples' various soft spots and with Nagi's training Taiga was well on her way to being a skilled mauler. No one Nagi asked was really sure what the technical term for a ninja cat was but fairly soon she'd have one.

Only one problem remained. "What am I supposed to do with this?" Nagi wondered as she held the plate of cat food up. Nagi looked up from the plate of cat food to the cup of ramen being eaten by Taiga. She looked back at the cat food. Ramen. Cat food. Ramen. Cat food. Ramen. Cat food.

Using two fingers she picked up a hunk of the processed meat.

In all of Nagi's twelve years... well actually this still wasn't the stupidest thing she has ever done.

"Bleeerrghhh!"

Still it was high on the list.

Spitting out the grotesque faux-food Nagi tossed the remainder of the cat food, plate and all, into the bin and grabbed a few cups of beef and miso to get the horrible taste out.

That was the last day Nagi ever brought cat food. Although now she did have to purchase twice as much ramen.

Taiga shook her head at her new owner. She always had the weirdest luck in owners still Nagi proved entertaining and didn't try to crush her daily. Plus ramen wasn't half bad so she certainly had to thank Kyubi for liberating her.

* * *

"Our apologies Hokage-sama but we couldn't locate Tora the cat... again." Maito Gai said solemnly before crying out that he would run one hundred laps around Konoha for this failure. Naturally Lee followed suit and the two had soon run out of the Hokage's office leaving Neji and Tenten who, assuming that this meant that the missions were over for today, parted ways for lunch.

This left the Hokage Sarutobi Hiruzen alone with his thoughts and paperwork. "That makes five teams who have failed to even see Tora let alone catch her. Perhaps Tora has finally left Konoha. Truly the end of an era... now we'll need a new way to mess with new Genin." Sarutobi sighed. The Hokaga did not envy whichever Chunin he would send in his place to inform the daimyo's wife about the situation.

He wondered if he would be able to blame the devil cat's disappearance on a foreign ninja. That should divert Madam Shijimi's attention away from him for the time being.

A burst of killing intent from the Hokage's apparently psychic secretary quickly silenced that train of thought almost immediately.

Damn woman never let him start any international incidents to save his own ass not once.

* * *

**You made Hinata into a follower of Slaneesh... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!**

A lot of things. It was originally just going to be a one line joke but it just sort of snowballed.

**What state of mind where you in when you wrote this?**

It was either late at night or a few minutes off really early in the morning. I wasn't really paying attention.

**Do you actually like Slaneesh?**

Not really Tzeentch is my favourite followed by Khorne and Nurgle...

_Me like Khorne :)_

Still I thought Slaneesh fit the bill the best. 'Sides there lot worse things I did in this chapter.

**You mean the lubricant line...**

The lubricant line, the banana line, destroying a classroom, attempted murder, an old lady supplying an underage girl with hardcore porn. Not to mention the fact I've made Sakura borderline homicidal and at the rate everything is going Sasuke's going to be gynophobic by the time the chunin exams come around. Hell if people don't complain about something in this chapter I worry about the state of humanity.

**I already worry about the state of humanity.**

True that. Anyway I should wrap this up, Childness if you would be so kind.

_Blood for the blood god ^_

...

**...**

_I mean... review -_-_

Riiiighhhht... Jamata then.

* * *

(1)- I am a devotee follower of Tzeentch myself but to each their own I suppose. In any case anyone who hasn't figured out what I'm talking about google Chaos Gods and be afraid... very afraid. Odd. It feels like I've said that somewhere before.

(2)- Sadly this is very true. Avoid eating magenta coloured flowers unless the idea of muscle tumours, seizures, comas and death sound like fun.

(3)- No this isn't a mistype Hinata refers to Nagi in this story with the –kun honorific. Why? [Shrugs] Why not. It's just something that I imagine her doing. Don't judge me!

(4)- For anyone wanting to know how Kyoyo came up the idea to give Nagi a cat read the Vicious Calm Side Story. You don't need to but it does explain why Kyoyo thought this was a good idea.


	4. Chapter 3

**Vicious Calm**

**Chapter 3- For Whom The Bell Tolls, Hell's Bells, [Insert Bell Based Pun Here]**

Good lord I haven't been here for a while.

**It's really dusty; then again I'm surprised you used your brain at all even when you were writing this drivel.**

I wish I didn't, then you wouldn't exist.

_Cat-chan I found this :)_ [Cat-chan-uh-Catilleon takes Protectorate of Menoth army book from the small white rabbit's mouth]

I've wondering where this was.

**What is that? Oh lord, don't tell me your back into Warhammer.**

No this is Warmachine. Still too poor for Warhammer.

**It's still a table top wargaming thing isn't it?**

Well… yes. But this is totally different.

**How?**

_It's got wizards and steampunk giant robots __

…

Yeah, that about sums up the basics of it.

**It really shouldn't.**

And yet it does, 'sides it's nowhere near as weird as Malifaux. The whole idea is that there's a bunch of countries whose main military force are giant steam driven robots called Warjacks and in order for them to be controlled powerful wizards called Warcasters mess their minds with the artificial brains in the Warjacks to control them and supply them with ability boosting magic.

**Ability boosting magic?**

Extra attacks, special attacks, moving faster, more dice to hit and wound. That sort of thing.

**Sounds really geeky.**

[Cat and Childness each raise eyebrow]

**Oh right, not a deterrent for you. But it's still wargaming you are going to spend all of your money.**

It's smaller scale so I don't have to shell out for giant armies that cover a third of the floorspace. That's expensive and dangerous.

**I get expensive easily enough but I don't see how it's dangerous.**

I heard about this guy who had a whole legion of Goblin Spearmen set out of the floor. All of them with their spears pointed up. He fell over and landed on his back right on top of the miniatures.

[Silent scream]

Apparently he had to wait till the wounds started to scab over before they could be removed.

_Cool *U*_

**Not the word I would use.**

I would.

**You're a really twisted individual at times.**

You're only getting this now? Anyway let's get on with the show.

* * *

"Urghh. I feel like I'm going to be sick." Sakura moaned on her hands and knees. Her stomach backed up her statement as it made some really bad noises.

Sasuke stared at his psychopathic teammate in unconcealed disgust. Which was a little presumptuous, the girl hadn't even started puking her guts up... yet.

"I told her she shouldn't have eaten so much at breakfast." Nagi sighed with her hands behind her head. Kyuyo thought that comment was a little strange coming from the girl who weighed approximately half as much as her pink haired friend and yet had eaten more than twice the amount of food when the two had breakfast that morning.

Breakfast was Sakura's treat and by Sakura's treat of course I mean the treat of which ever poor sap she had pickpocketed earlier that morning.

* * *

"Sorry guys, looks like I won't be able to treat you to barbecue like I promised for passing the team test. Some bastard stole my wallet." Asuma Sarutobi informed his newly minted genin team while he smoked a cigarette. After promising to take them out after the three did so well on the genin test he felt kind of guilty. Actually they did shit all and knew it, at least Shikamaru knew it, hell if he cared though, but if he didn't pass the second generation of the Ino-Shika-Cho team the current generation of the team would kill him. Besides Asuma had the sneaking suspicion that having his wallet, with his pay check for the week in it, stolen would still have probably been cheaper than treating an Akimichi to food.

Ino only shrugged at the news. She wasn't planning to eat anything at the barbecue anyway not after sticking to her new diet for so long.

Shikamaru looked like he didn't even register the news as the dark haired boy continued to lie on the ground and watch the clouds. At least he would have if they were outside. As it was Shikamaru was lying on the floor of the teahouse they were in apparently attempting to unlock latent X-Ray vision as he stared up at the ceiling.

As for Choji...

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

... he took the news better than anyone expected.

* * *

Sasuke couldn't help but think about the appalling irony of the situation. How he hated irony. Which considering his life could be considered ironic in itself.

Understand now why he hates it.

"Nagi." Sakura said weakly. "Go get the blue labelled bottle of pills from my bag." Sakura pointed to the full to bursting satchel that lay a few feet away from her. A few feet which, in her current state, might well have been in Iwa for all the pink haired girl could do.

Nagi saluted cutely, at least Kyuyo thought it was cute, and walked over to the book bag which weighed about as much as she did.

Sasuke visibly flinched as Nagi undid, with some difficulty, the collection of clips, straps and Nagi-proof locks (which were like child-proof locks for children with superhuman strength) that made sure the multitude of dangerous items contained in the bag would indeed remain contained in the bag. After being on the receiving end of so many of Sakura's attacks the last Uchiha had become well aquatinted with that particular bag and the horrors it contained.

Drugs, toxins, poisons in every form and state imaginable, all manner of dark concoctions and soluble powders were held in that bag. Sakura's entire collection of chemicals and the required tools, plants and chemicals needed to kill, paralyse and otherwise incapacitate.

It also contained an entire field medic's kit and another set of tools and ingredients for brewing the antidotes to any one of Sakura's poisons (she used to only have one set of equipment used for both the poisons and the antidotes but alas Sakura never washed the set very well between uses and found that poisons with traces of the antidote and antidote with poison in it weren't very effective) for whatever reason though those sets of equipment didn't come out nearly as much. Particularly the antidotes for some reason. Odd. Well not really.

Oblivious to the dangers contained in the bag, dangers which were probably intensified by the fact that Nagi felt the need to shake ever bottle of pills to hear it rattle, the blonde girl eventually found what she was looking for. Or... at least she found what she thought she was looking for.

"Here you go Sakura." Nagi chirped and handed her friend a pill bottle with a red label and three black coloured skull and cross bone marks on it.

In Sakura's addled state it took her all of three seconds to realize the difference in the label on the bottle and the label of what she actually asked for. At which point the girl had already lifted a single crimson coloured pill to her lips. A pill which she, along with the rest of the bottle, quickly threw away with a yelp.

"Ah! Why did you throw it at me!" Sasuke yelled jumping away from the poisonous pills.

"What do you think?" Sakura stopped panicking about what she had almost ingested to scoff at Sasuke in a dead monotone. Thankfully after a few more seconds Sakura had calmed down enough to realise the fear and panic had made the queasy feeling go away. Scientifically impossible perhaps but it just goes to show that there always light after the darkness.

"I don't know what you guys are so concerned about. Sakura's candy always tastes really goooood~." Nagi moaned blissfully as she put a piece of 'candy' into her mouth and rolled it around in her cheek.

And, in keeping with the previous metaphor, after the brilliant flash of light... darkness comes back fast.

"Naaaagiiiii-chaaan!" Sakura screamed and tackled the blonde girl to the ground. "Spit out the pill for the love of god. Spit it out!" The pink haired girl cried torrents of anime tears as she violently shook her friend in a desperate attempt to remove the deadly toxin from her mouth.

It only served to lodge the pill in her oesophagus. "C...can't...breathe... goodbye...Sakura-cha..." With her final breath it was all over.

THE END

Thank you for reading till the end.

\/

'Oww! How did that one hit me she wasn't even facing in my direction?' Sasuke thought rubbing the eye that the spit covered poison pill had impacted in. Wait... "Crap I've got to go wash this out." Sasuke ran off in search of water to drain any poison, and spit, from his eye socket.

Realistically, seeing as how the poison was in pill form, it was most likely made to only be dangerous through ingestion. Still... best to not take any chances where Sakura and Nagi are involved. In anything. Iruka still checks for tampering in his breakfast cereal daily.

With the pill having been dislodged from Nagi's windpipe via one Sakura powered (who in their right mind would even give this girl training weights) smack on the back. Now Nagi was gasping for precious air...

"Nagi just because something is brightly coloured doesn't mean it's not toxic. In fact in nature brightly coloured is just another word for toxic. You remember the blue and black frog incident? Nagi are you listening to me. Look me in the eyes missy! Don't poke your tongue at me!"

...while Sakura scolded Nagi like she was a child that had just found the keys to the medicine cabinet. Which when you think about it, in essence, isn't really that much of an inaccuracy.

"All right then do you understand why you must eat things when you don't know what they are Nagi-chan?" Sakura looked down at the blonde girl who was scratching her pouting face in embarrassment.

"Yeessss Sakuraaaaa." Nagi replied lazily rolling her head around.

Sakura sighed. "Good enough just be careful I don't want to have to pump your stomach again."

"Me either. It tickled my spleen (1)." Nagi said nodding her head as if that was the entire point of this conversation.

"Anyway I'm going to find teme and... help him..."

"You mean torture him."

"Yes. Yes I do. So you'll need to wait here for Cyclops-sensei. Here is a manga and a lollipop. Have fun and don't burn down the forest." Sakura passed Nagi a copy of Deadman Wonderland (2) and a watermelon lollipop before running off in the same direction Sasuke did. Making sure to grab her grey satchel and do up the straps.

Once she was out of sight Nagi looked at the lollipop and manga she had be given. Placing the manga to one side Nagi held the lollipop and, taking careful consideration and aim, pitched it at a nearby bird. Smiling in satisfaction at the 'squawk' that signified a direct hit.

"Ten points." Nagi said as she removed a handful of crimson coloured pills from one of the pockets on her flak jacket. "Sakura's candy **always** tastes the best." Taking one of the poisonous pills Nagi tossed it in the air and caught it in her mouth like a piece of popcorn.

A crack could be heard as the pill was crushed between her teeth. Nagi let out another blissful moan as her jinchuriku boosted sense of taste detected the myriad of normally scentless and tasteless poisons mixed into a single pill. "Arsenic as the base... traces of cyanide... urashiol for mouth and throat irritation and... artificial sweetener for masking... I think Saccharin... no... Aspartame. Mmmm tangy." Being a Jinchuriku really does have its advantages. Among the enhanced senses and chakra boosts there is the ever useful immunity to any natural or unnatural poisons, viruses, allergens and/or toxins. Which comes in particularly handy in this circumstance when you consider that Sakura's idea of poison is pretty much the definition of overkill concentrated into a chemical form. For note this fic does not condone the recreational consumption of highly dangerous and extremely concentrated chemicals. Even if it did your own common sense should deter you from trying.

* * *

In case anyone was wondering what Kyuyo was doing while all of this happened? Well... he had already long ago fainted as the sounds of the outside world, in particular Nagi's moans of 'candy' induced bliss, echoed out from the seal.

The quality of demons in the ninja world is really lacking.

"Nagi-chan~..."

Honestly I don't know whether it's laughable or just plain sad.

"He he he. Pass the sharigan eyeball soup please...zzzzz."

Well... that's certainly an improvement.

* * *

Kakashi was having difficulty picking just which part of the scene he had just witnessed to tell his psychiatrist first. After he got one of course... or more once one had moved to Konoha... or at least within ten kilometres of this or any ninja village.

You'd think they'd be psychiatrists beating down the village gates to get in with all the business opportunities present in a hidden village. Sadly though there aren't that many psychiatrists that are quite so masochistic. The fact was that the few psychiatrists who had set up shop in Lightning Country, back when the hidden villages were first being established, soon had to be treated by the same people they went to university with.

The last mental health professional in Konoha had to be pursued, or kidnapped if you want to get technical, by the Sandaime during his first term. That man, following a major mental breakdown, was considered a pioneer and a legend in the Torture & Interrogation Division.

His eldest son, Morino Ibiki, followed in his footsteps with gusto.

Never the less point the point still stood that Konoha needed a psychiatric ward. Particularly when the next generation of ninja were looking to be far worse than the current generation was. Which was really saying some things and none of it was anything good.

With the events of yesterday Kakashi thought it would be a good idea to arrive early, which meant he was only two and a half hours late, still considering who it was that news alone would have been enough to send many a skilled ninja into cardiac arrest. He arrived just in time to see his sensei's daughter attempt to ingest a multitude of deadly poisons packed into a pill. Now he was watching her pop the deadly poison like the candy she seemed to think it was.

'I heard that jinchuriki was immune to disease so it makes sense their immune to poison. That doesn't explain though why she would enjoy it so much.' Kakashi thought trying to remember the last time he had heard a girl make those sounds. 'It has been one hell of a dry spell for me hasn't it... WHAT THE HELL! How did I get on this train of thought from sensei's daughter eating poison? What is wrong with me?'

As Kakashi went through his most current mental list of just what was wrong with him in order to make sure there were no new additions that needed to be added. This was an exercise he made sure to at least once a month. Twice on October. October was never a good month for him, even before the Kyubi attack.

Some might consider an exercise like this fairly odd for a ninja of his standing. Those people generally didn't know that ninjas of his standing were by and large out of their freaking minds. It was something that Kakashi had long since accepted and had figured that if he was going to be insane he might as well keep track of just how insane.

Better to keep the process gradual and stable rather than not realising until you wake up one morning and put on a green jumpsuit and orange leg warmers.

"You're weird sensei."

'True.' The one eyed jounin agreed before adding 'hearing voices' to his ever growing mental list.

'Wait a minute. That voice sounded a bit too real.' Kakashi thought.

"Sensei I've been wondering if ninja's spend so much time hanging upside down. Then are there any techniques to stop all the blood from rushing to your head? Just seems like something that would come up y'know." Nagi said hanging upside down from the branch directly above the one Kakashi was situated.

"..."

"Sensei?"

"How could you possibly know where I was?" Kakashi said more than a little shocked that he could be discovered by a genin so easily. Does she posses some kekki genki or hidden technique that no one knew about.

"Your moodiness was pissing off the kami in this tree." Nagi answered instantly. Her strange answer was made stranger by the way her right hand moved up and down like it was patting something invisible.

Kakashi blinked and blinked again before he came to a decision.

"Nagi!" Kakashi shouted placing his hands dramatically on Nagi's shoulders. Which was itself a impressive feat due to the fact that Kakashi had to quickly and dexterously move onto, and under, the same branch which Nagi was hanging from in just under a few seconds. "I swear that I'll make those who corrupted you pay. I'll make sure you turn into a well adjusted girl that sensei would have been proud of."

"Sensei." Nagi said with sparkles in her eyes. 'Actually I have no idea was sensei's talking about but this is always so cool when they do it in sports manga. So what the hell.'

The two remained in that position for a while longer until...

"Sensei why is there blood running down your face." Nagi said pointing at the thick trail of crimson liquid coming from under Kakashi's face mask.

"... Well... That thing about a technique to stop blood rushing to your head... Is actually a pretty good idea... Urghhhh..." Replied a very pale Kakashi right before he passed out and fell from the tree.

* * *

"You're late!" Nagi cried pointing at Sakura and, a very haggard and sickly looking, Sasuke.

The two genin sweatdropped, really only Sakura sweatdropped, Sasuke was still suffering the symptoms of a fever, the after effects of whatever Sakura had done to him, looking over to their cyclopean sensei who was reading the same manga Nagi had been given.

"This is really violent." Kakashi said turning the page.

"I know. Isn't it great!" Nagi chirped.

Kakashi 'hmm'ed to himself. 'My task may be more difficult than I thought.'

"A bit of a teacher's pet isn't she." Sasuke commented once his core body temperature had stopped fluctuating between boiling hot and freezing cold.

"Making fun of someone for being nice to other is the sign of a despicable and pathetic person." Sakura said sneering at Sasuke. "Do everyone a favour and die in a hole." The pinkette declared before walking off to join her blonde friend.

"..." Sasuke sighed. "I really need someone on my side."

Unknown to the raven haired avenger a fox was laughing at him right now.

... I think.

One moment readers.

* * *

"Nagi-chan~..."

My mistake he's still sleeping.

Well anyway we should leave before his sleep talking gets disturbing.

"Mmmmhhhhh. Shodaime sushiii..."

...Never mind.

* * *

"Whoever doesn't get a bell will be sent back to the ninja academy." Kakashi said darkly. The jounin sensei had just finished explaining the basis of the bell test to the three genin. The test was pretty much the same as it always was two bells, three genin, three box lunches and an alarm clock. The only difference was that due to all the time taken up by the earlier shenanigans the time limit at midday now gave the three ninja considerably less time than was usual.

At the mention of what happens to who doesn't get a bell the thoughts of the three students were... less than team building.

'This is perfect. If I can get the two bells for Nagi-chan and me I won't have to worry about that teme.' Was Sakura's thoughts and they were accompanied by an evil giggle that sent shivers down the spines of the two males in hearing distance.

'I can deal with the blonde midget at least. Her intelligence isn't high enough to plot anything devious. I just have to make sure that pink haired devil doesn't get a bell.' Were Sasuke's thoughts accompanied by his ever present sneer.

As for Nagi. 'Zzzzzz... huh! Ah I zoned out halfway through. Kyuyo-kun did you hear what was happening.'

'Zzzzzzz...'

'Well it is an excellent time of the day for a nap. I'll let him rest a bit. Now then what was my problem again...?' She actually forget. Not kidding. 'Ah right! I have no idea what's going on! Then again that always seems to be my problem.' Shaking her head Nagi attempted to get back to the problem at hand. 'All right let's just go over what I heard, there were bells, that can't be anything important, box lunches, an alarm clock... Ah that's gotta be it!'

THAWCK!

Kakashi, Sasuke and even Sakura stared in shock at the kunai that had just impacted into the glass face of the alarm clock. The kunai which Nagi had just thrown without any warning or, indeed, reason. At least Sasuke and Sakura thought Kakashi was shocked. It was rather difficult to tell underneath all his face coverings.

It was a good thing then that the two S-named genin had not shared their thoughts or it would have been slightly embarrassing. Seeing as how Kakashi was actually very nonplussed about the projectile weapon impacting in to his clock.

"Yeah. You're not the first person to try that." Kakashi said lazily, drawing two raised eyebrows and a 'damn' from his Sasuke, Sakura and Nagi respectively, the jounin sensei reached behind him and removed an exact replica of the recently destroyed alarm clock. Otherwise known as a Ninja Quality Testing Grade Alarm Clock... TM(3).

Konoha, keeping the bulk alarm clock warehouses in business for over forty years.

Winding the key on the back of the clock Kakashi placed the new working clock on the log next to the old broken clock. An action which allowed Kakashi to get a closer look at the broken clock and the kunai that stuck out of it. More importantly he also got a look at the paper tag which had somehow hung unnoticed from the end of the kunai until this very moment.

Quickly knocking the broken alarm clock, and attached kunai, with speed halfway between fright and honed reflexes. The clock made it out of the clearing and into the trees before the explosive tag hanging off the kunai denoted. Conveniently the explosion hurt no humans or animals. With the exception of one rather infamous drunk passed out in a nearby bush. His alcohol soaked body was reduced to ash rather quickly. Other than that, absolutely no problem.

"Well... I'll admit that was the first time I have ever had someone use an explosive tag. Most people have more respect for the lives of themselves and others." Kakashi said looking at a certain blonde haired girl who was looking far too pleased with herself.

"Wait!" Sasuke yelled looking fairly annoyed. "Am I the only one who is wondering why that tag took so long to go off?"

"And am I the only one who is wondering why Nagi wasted an explosive tag on a clock when we could have used it on the teme?" Was Sakura's comment. It probably would have probably made more of an impact if not for the fact that she had to shout it from across the clearing due to the pink haired girl having already expected the use of explosions from her blonde friend and thus had retreated to a safer, much further away, position.

Nagi turned to Sasuke, causing her to stop the little victory dance she was performing mid spin, and gave the black haired avenger a joyful thumbs up and a radiant smile before answering his question with simply...

"Pointless comedy."

[Insert one rather painful face vault here]

"All right I'm sorry to interrupt but all these shenanigans really are cutting in our schedule (4) so if you three don't mind we need to... start?" Kakashi's, rather ironic, rant about messing up an important schedule was caught short as he looked up to see all three of his students gone. Leaving only an imprint of Sasuke's face in the ground and a pile of books resting on a log. "That's just rude." The jounin sensei said simply before pulling out his little orange book.

If he had been a little less engrossed in his book Kakashi might have noticed that his blonde student coming back.

"Sorry sensei, forgot my books." Nagi chirped, though Kakashi neither noticed nor reacted to it, before returning the books, which appeared to be the same hardcore porn books she had yesterday, to... whatever subspace she seemed to be keeping them in. "Kyuyo-kun was right I really have to be more careful with my hammer space." Nagi said and disappeared back into the shadows leaving behind only a swirl of wind and a wisp of mist.

* * *

'I'll admit that could have gone better.' Sasuke thought with a deep sigh. Which seeing as how he was buried up to his neck in dirt, and one rock which was pocking his back uncomfortably, made for a rather comical sight. 'Even so... why did that bastard sensei have to bury me next to the pink haired witch!'

"Stop your annoying ass sighing. I'm trying to think over here!" Said pink haired witch yelled not three feet away from Sasuke and stuck in a remarkably similar predicament. That is buried from her neck down in solid ground.

The events that lead up to this point are actually remarkably simple. It started when Sasuke challenged Kakashi to a fight.

The fight that followed, if it could really be counted as such, was disastrous, or humorous depending on how much of a sadist you are. Every attack Sasuke pulled was countered with no more than the effort it required for Kakashi to move a single hand.

It was only when Kakashi had to pluck a senbon needle out of the air that the jounin had to pay attention.

The pink witch joined the battle and that was the end.

That was how Sasuke saw it, the bare bones of the events. Kakashi saw something similar but, oh so much worse.

It was true that Kakashi was becoming rather bored with the whole test even if the test had so far lasted little more than an hour.

Sasuke was the first genin to go on the offensive. Willing to give a sign of respect to the Uchihas Kakashi had gone so far as to put his orange bound book away. In end it just went to show why Kakashi never gives the benefit of the doubt to anyone.

Though Sasuke was certainly skilled for a genin he made that fact painfully obvious as the boy clearly underestimated the difference in their ranks.

In the end Kakashi decided the give the Uchiha a few more minutes until he completed humiliated the raven haired boy. Until then Kakashi simply went back into his mind and the mental reconstruction of the Icha Icha series he had compiled.

The jounin made it through about a paragraph and half before he was forced to prevent the sharp, and most likely poisoned, senbon needle from embedding itself into his neck muscles. This momentary distraction allowed Sasuke time to run through the hand seals for his strongest jutsu.

"Katon: Great Fireball Jutsu."

From the Uchiha's mouth powerful spherical gout of fire burst forth and engulfed where the jounin sensei stood. Meanwhile Kakashi watched from a safe distance away in the trees.

Though you would be hard pressed to notice from the indifferent expression of boredom on his face Kakashi was rather impressed. Not just that Sasuke could use a chakra intensive fire jutsu or that Sasuke could hide her presence so well while using a sneak attack (it took the jounin all of half a minute to locate the tree she was concealed in). What he was impressed of most of all was that the two could combine their skills without any prior planning to give him a slight scare.

'Perhaps there is hope for this team after all.' Kakashi thought pleased.

His hopeful mood lasted for all of two seconds until several paper packets, which released copious amounts of red coloured smoke, were launched onto the battlefield.

The cloud of crimson smoke, which made Kakashi's skin feel like it was on fire as soon as it made contact with his skin, was clearly designed to smoke him out of hiding. Kakashi didn't have any real problem with that, they were ninjas after all. In the ninja world dirty tricks weren't just encouraged they were a valid battle tactic.

The real concern was the fact that the smoking packets had been launched right at Sasuke's feat, that was enough to give the one-eyed jounin a fairly good indication of what was about to happen.

With nothing better to do than spring Sakura's trap Kakashi jumped out of the tree he had hidden himself in before the plume of burning smoke completely engulfed the tree's branches.

He immediately had to use substitution to avoid the hail of senbon that flew at him.

If Kakashi has looked backwards he would have thanked his decision to use substitution rather than trying to block the needles as the toxin that coated the needles ate through the log he used at a rapid rate.

Making sure to land on the side of the clearing that had be spared a thick covering of the red irritant smoke. The same space that Sakura's hiding place was located in and were Sasuke had fled once his eyes felt like they were melting.

By now Sakura should know that he knew where she was. All Kakashi had to do was wait for the kunoichi to reveal herself and the real fight could begin. Hopeful this fight would be less detrimental to Kakashi's faith in humanity.

The jounin wasn't disappointed, except, as time would prove, in regards to the faith in humanity part, as the pink haired genin stood appeared with needles between her fingers and a black gasmask hanging from her neck.

The pinkette's sudden appearance seemed to spark a combination of primal fear and ferocious tendencies in Sasuke as years of horrific memories involving needles. Immediately Sasuke was sent to a flurry of hand seals.

Sakura, who unlike most sane people required no external stimuli to spark her ferocious tendencies, reaching into her bag and removed a glass vial filled with fine powder. Popping the cork with one hand and raised the gasmask to her mouth with the other (Kakashi had no doubt that if the mask wasn't covering it then he would have seen a vicious grin on her face). The bluish white powder held within the vial was scattered to the winds and like a toxic starting shot the fight was on.

Sadly that's where we get to the losing faith in humanity portion of the story or at the very least losing faith in the team dynamic. If the fight between Sasuke and Kakashi was sad, this fight was just plain disturbing. The two genin launched technique after technique, dirty trick after dirty trick intent on taking out not only Kakashi but their fellow teammates.

The jounin was fairly certain that the two genin had forgotten all about the bells. Once they reached the point that both genin had forgotten about Kakashi and focused solely on maiming and killing each other. Kakashi decided to end it trapped them both up to their necks in the ground with his Earth Release: Double Suicide Decapitation Technique in the hope that they'd talk out their differences. That or kill them both by exposure. At this point Kakashi wasn't sure he cared anymore.

It was only when the jounin was walking away to find a quite place to read did Kakashi think to ask the question.

"Where's Nagi-chan?"

* * *

"So where's Kakashi-sensei now?" If one were to walk in the current scene they would best be able to describe it as a short girl talking to a tree.

If a person with the ability to see spirits were to walk in on the scene they would describe it as a short girl talking to a ghostly white blob attached to a tree.

A slight but important difference.

Nagi was currently conversing with one of the many nameless tree dwelling kami that existed in Konoha's surrounding forest. The kami in question looked to be little more than a translucent white composed of complex spiralling pattern with black eyes defined vaguely in the space in between the spirals. Hardly the strongest divine being Nagi knew, but if there were two things the tree dwellers did well it was watch and chat. Combined with the heavy tree coverage of Konoha resulted in an extensive network of immaterial spies. An invaluable resource for sure and thanks to this network of divine beings Nagi not only had a complete account of the battle that happened half a kilometre away. She had within a few minutes and from several different angles.

"Sakura-chan really has some issues to work out." Nagi sighed. Nagi was the kind of person that didn't see why everyone couldn't just get along with everyone else. Which was ironic when you consider just how versed the young girl was in the techniques of death and destruction.

If it was up to her Nagi would have simply rushed the jounin at the first given opportunity, but Kyuyo, who had just recently woken up, told her to hold back and watch the fight. Trusting the fox demon above all else Nagi heeded his advice and brook away from Sakura while she was busy plotting.

Now that the battle was over Nagi wanted to go help her teammates, in a rare show of camaraderie in the one day the team had been active, but even she understood that the two needed a chance to cool off.

For now Nagi was readying her own plan. She still had no idea was she was planning for or what the actual ultimate goal of this test was supposed to be but since the destroying the clock yielding no results Nagi moved onto the next idea on her list. Destroy the examiner.

* * *

Kyuyo wholeheartedly agreed with this idea and gave the blonde a mental good luck pat.

'Is it a genjutsu.' Kakashi thought reaching the last of his possibilities list for the cause of his current situation. Which really should have been the first on his list, especially considering that previous; apparently more likely explanations included alien mind control and supernatural pirates. It was probably stranger that Kakashi had pre-planned contingency plans for both of these occurrences.

For about half an hour now Kakashi had the feeling that he was getting forced down a single path through the trees. Every time Kakashi tried to go anywhere but the given route or stopped the jounin would be nudged along by some invisible force.

Sometimes gently, most of the time though, not so much.

Now that Kakashi had finished going through his mental list of likely possibilities he proceeded to go through the list of his students, though he doubted they would be his students for much longer, to determine who might be responsible for this genjutsu. He rejected alien and pirate interference for the moment as the summoning scrolls for those two were high level.

Running down his list he immediately eliminated Nagi as the culprit.

For all the girls trickster image and devious creativity Kakashi knew that jinchuriku never possessed the kind of minimalistic chakra control necessary for genjutsu. A fact that was backed up by her grades at the academy.

Even if the girl could draw on the Kyubi's power it wouldn't do much good. Despite the kitsune reputation as tricksters Kakashi remembered the attack. The Kyubi no Yoko held little more than cosmetic similarities to the legendary spirits, the demon was pure power and little more.

Sasuke was next down. The Uchiha's were skilled illusionists and even more skilled illusion breakers. Like most of the clans though they relied far too much on kekki genkai or specialist clan techniques. In the case of the Uchiha it was their infamous Sharigan of which Sasuke showed no signs of unlocking.

Sakura was a possibility, after everything that happened yesterday Kakashi thought it would be a good idea to get some dirt- obtain information valuable to the teaching of his students. Yes, let's go with that.

Anyway moving past the fact that a skilled jounin was scared of a little girl, admittedly he wouldn't be the first, or last for that matter. According to Kurenai, who prior to team selection had done extensive research on all the genin candidates, as opposed to everyone else, Kakashi included, who just winged it, Sakura possessed a small but highly controlled pool of chakra. Perfect for genjutsu... or medical chakra but if Kurenai had her way Konoha would be a village of illusion specialists. Still it was flawed by the fact that Sakura spent most of time training as a poison specialist, as far as Kakashi knew she had never shown much interest in the illusionary arts.

This left the only possible explanation as... alien mind control.

With Kakashi's... colourful imagination going into overdrive he almost didn't notice that he had run out of tree branches to jump on.

With only a minor stumble Kakashi recovered and landed on the rocky surface of the clearing. Looking around Kakashi saw that he was on the banks of sparkling dark blue river. Judging from the dark colour the river was fairly deep but it was also very narrow so even without water walking any respectable ninja would have much of a problem crossing to the other side. A human would have had to swim, but then again humanity's overrated.

'I'm surprised that there's a river like this on the training grounds.' Kakashi thought staring at the crystal clear water. The area would have made for a great swimming hole were it not for the fact that it was in a designated training grounds. It was pretty impressive that the place was still intact. With countless ninja tossing around elemental jutsu areas like this were lost to terraforming on a daily basis.

"Not that matters at the moment; the greater concern is what led me here." Kakashi said out loud. "If it was you then genjutsu can be pretty much ruled out."

Falling silently from the branches of a tree behind Kakashi a blonde girl landed on all fours.

"Who needs genjutsu when you've got friends in divine places?" Nagi smiled cryptically before launching forward with surprising speed.

Kakashi barely had a chance to properly defend himself before the small girl hit him with the force of a cannonball and took the full force of the attack to his forearm. Nagi dug a small fist into his flesh making the jounin grit his teeth in pain; the attack wasn't graceful but the sheer force behind the attack more than made up for that. If Kakashi was normal he'd be nursing a broken arm right now. Fortunately this is the ninja world where everyone knows that normality only gets you killed.

Unfortunately for Nagi in the ninja world physics came into play at the most inopportune moments, in this case mass vs force. As much larger individual Kakashi was easily able to get a hold on the small girl and toss her clean over the river.

Flipping in mid-air Nagi once again landed on all fours, glaring at Kakashi from the opposite bank of the river.

"Not bad. Your strength is nothing sort of inhuman, but keep in mind that aerial attacks tend to have stability issues, especially if you don't have the size to back it up." Lectured Kakashi as he reached for a kunai.

Unbeknownst to him, Kakshi had just trod on a landmine.

At the 'size' comment Nagi's smile quickly became feral as her mind turned the statement of a simple fact into a myriad of cruel and creative insults. Wether Kakashi meant any insults or not was unimportant, it all it mattered was that retaliation was in order.

Raising on hand from the ground Nagi formed a one handed Tora seal and said three simple words.

"Hidden Mist Jutsu."

At her command a cloud of white mist formed from the moisture within the riverbank's cool air. Foggy whiteness quickly blanketed both sides of the riverbank, effectively removing any traces of vision for anyone in the general vicinity. To a man that possessed a sharigan though this posed little problem, though Kakashi was a bit too prideful to use his trump card in a battle with a genin. Even in regards to a genin like Nagi who had already proven that she was not one to be underestimated.

Honestly Kakashi was more concerned with the myriad of questions the use of this technique. Such as the notable example...

'What the hell does my sensei's cute and innocent daughter (Good lord he's already been infected with Nagi's Aura of Adorableness) know the signature jutsu of Kirigakure. And for that matter why do I get that feeling that this had to do with the bastard that corrupted her?'

"Eight choices. Liver, lungs, spine, clavicle vein, neck vein, brain, kidneys, heart. Which one should I go after sensei?" Nagi's voice sounded out from all directions, managing to sound both terrifyingly creepy and ridiculously cute at the same time.

'Yep this definitely has to do with the corruption.' Was Kakashi's thought before he had to quickly dodge a very large and very sharp piece of iron that attempted a live autopsy featuring his chest. 'Mental note, kill the bastard behind this.'

* * *

"Aachoo! Damn Grass Country, always gives me allergies. Fucking hay fever and these damn bandages don't help all I should just switch back to the surgical mask." Cursed a bare-chested man bearing a scratched hitai-ate, a massive sword and bandages wrapped around his lower face.

He also had the bloody severed head of a travelling merchant in his hands but that wasn't a usual accessory for this man. Not to say it was something that he never had, what with his line of work and all, just that a severed head wasn't something that he regularly went seeking out.

Actually, with his line of work seeking out heads to sever was probably a fairly regular practice. Never mind then.

"To be fair you are the one who insisted on the path Zabuza." Commented a... boy, yes? Yes that's right, a very feminine looking boy wearing clothes that absolutely nothing to help with the gender ambiguity.

Zabuza scoffed and tossed away the recently decapitated head before going to loot the head's previously attached body. "If we had taken any other route we wouldn't have made it in time to celebrate Nagi's graduation." The ex-Seven Swordsman eventually said in a way that made it should like it was painful to speak.

Haku had a small smile at this, after making sure Zabuza was looking the other way, the ice user was well aware that his master's soft spot lay in one small blonde. A soft spot that Zabuza would only admit through gritted teeth after making sure that everyone around him was either gone or, preferably, lying in a pool of their own blood with their heads having been drop kicked out of the general area.

'Zabuza, you're so tsundere when it comes to Nagi-chan.'

"Still it was worth it to see Nagi happy like that, even if the gifts cost us the rest of our emergency funds." Haku mused with Zabuza responding with a grunt as he bounced the bloodstained, and disappointedly light, coin purse of the merchant in his palm. A respond that Haku, based almost solely on the fact that Zabuza had yet to complain about the lost funds, translated as a rather long winded speech containing all of the affection of a dotting uncle.

Instead Zabuza had simply stated 'we need a job' and went in the direction of the Land of Waves, having heard about some business man they could likely leech money off of.

Gabo, or something.

"Zabuza."

"What."

"Where do you suppose Kyuyo got that cat anyway."

"I **really** don't want to think about it."

* * *

Kakashi dodged the rapid spin and lunge combo Nagi unleashed. His sharigan having been revealed and working on taking in as much information as possible. The silver haired jounin having already discarding his flimsy pride in favour of keeping his internal organs as internal as possible.

Once he could see in the blanketing mist Kakashi was downright shocked at the sight that welcomed him.

That is his smallest student, not just now but in fact the smallest student he has ever taught instructed gave helpful advice to fine jerked around, was effortlessly carrying a zanbatou blade a foot wide and long enough that it was probably taller than her.

Aesthetically the blade was little more than a massive iron rectangle with its sides sharpened to a razor's edge. It was only the end of the blade curving into a cheese knife-esque end complete with a hole cut out for no readily apparent reason, other than perhaps to save on building materials, hinted to any actual design sense. The long handle attached to the blade, and currently held in a single petite hand, was wrapped with frayed black bandages for both grip and effect.

What was perhaps most frightening about blade was the well worn look it had. Which was, in any weapon, generally taken as a bad sign by the person/s said weapon was wielded against.

As strange as the zanbatou was in the young girl's grip it was by no means stranger than the way she wielded it. With her... less than stellar stature using a traditional zanbatou stance would have been awkward at best and impossible, if not dangerous, at worst.

Instead the girl had adopted her own informal technique. Remaining on all fours, really all threes as at least one hand had to hold the sword, so she kept her centre of gravity and balance close to the ground. Then having the blade held diagonally across her back Nagi could alternate between sweeping spins of the razor sharp edge and lightning fast stabs and lunges that could as much crush you and cut you. Utilizing the massive reach and powerful impact of her zanbatou Nagi, true to her word, targeted the weakest points of the human anatomy. Aiming to sever limbs, skewer organs and inevitably decapitate her targets.

It was brutal, chaotic and inhuman.

In other words the style fit Nagi like a glove.

Dodging an unexpected side slash as Nagi switched hands in an impressive and near deadly display of ambidexterity. Kakashi wondered to himself if any of his students actually remembered the purpose of this test.

All the while the bells at his belt chimed forgotten.

* * *

"..."

"..."

'By Izanagi this is boring.' Sasuke thought slumping his head down onto the ground. Due to his situation he didn't have to slump very far, a small and pointless mercy.

The two archenemies now teammates had long since run out of creative insults and comebacks to sling at each other. More recently they had run out of uncreative insults.

Since neither ninja had any intention of playing nice and talking their issues over in a calm and dignified fashion, the clearing cum prison cum premature grave has descended into silence and the horror of ellipses.

At this point Sasuke didn't care if it was Orochimaru itself that came to help, he wanted out of the goddamn ground.

"Heeeey! Sakura-chan! Teme-kun!"

"Nagi-chan!" Sakura called out happily.

'... Shit.' Was Sasuke's only thought.

"Raiton: Web of the Lightning Spider." Kakashi called out after a small flurry of handseals, utilising a trap jutsu he had stolen (he was man enough to admit it) from a Kumo hermit during his chunin days.

With the reality alternating announcement ching that was a jutsu activation sound several blue bolts of electricity was sent outwards from Kakashi's hands. The crackling bolts weaved themselves into the geometric pattern that was a spider's web. Catching the Nagi's zanbatou mid lunge.

The web glowed a brighter shade of blue as mass of sharpened metal struck, sending thousands upon thousands of volts of electricity down the metal blade and into its wielder.

The wielder in question jumped back with a yelp and shook herself before proceeding to paw at her now frizzy blonde hair. Other than a bad hair day and pleasant tingling in her muscles Nagi was left otherwise unharmed by the attack.

'Alright Level 6 jutsu didn't work. Moving up to Level 7.' Kakashi thought, already moving into his next sequence of hand seals.

Some elaboration might be in order.

Due to the fact that Nagi was his sensei's daughter, even if she had become corrupted by an unknown force, and as noted Kakashi was quickly becoming infected by the Aura of Adorableness that Nagi naturally radiated, Kakashi was determined not to kill, maim or otherwise injure Nagi.

Despite that Kakashi still had to finish this... actually Kakashi had, like everyone else that day, had completely forgotten what he was supposed to be finishing or indeed doing, but by Izanagi, and more importantly his pay check, he was going to do it.

It would have been infinitely easier if his genjutsu did more than make her slightly woozy.

Nagi seemed to dilute the effectiveness of most techniques. She shook off Raiton like lightning was static electricity, jumped over Doton, was remarkably skilled in countering Suiton, weathered his Futon and as for Katon... well that just made her happy.

Kakashi didn't even want to try Taijutsu for one very long, very sharp and, hopefully, very obvious reason.

Realising that any normal knockout jutsu would just irritate her, but knowing that he couldn't skip straight to a high powered technique and risk killing her. Kakashi instead had to steadily increase the power of his jutsus until he found something that worked.

So far... bumpkiss, and Nagi wasn't making things any easier.

"Maple Wind!" Nagi called out suddenly, having had returned her hair to its properly styled mess, and sent a torrent of wind straight at Kakashi.

Instinctively breaking his series of hand seals to dodge to the side, clearly not quickly enough as Kakashi took a glancing blow on his uncovered fingertips of his left hand. Pushing past the pain of his now scorched fingertips, like any good ninja would, Kakashi returned to his hand seals. His task now twice at difficult.

Having an arsenal of Futon and Suiton jutsu comparable to a chunin at the least was one thing, being able to superheat the wind and water elements of her techniques to scorching and scalding temperatures was just unfair.

Unfortunately for Kakashi the odds were soon to become a lot more stacked against him.

* * *

"Come on. Come on. Boss will be mad if you're late." Called out a blonde figure as she leaped from tree branch to tree branch.

"Right Nagi-chan." Sakura chimed in an almost practiced response following a few branches behind the girl.

"All right, now if I remember correctly we have to take the left righ-"

WHOOMP!

The voice of the blonde figure were cut off as her head impacted with a branch, it of cries of pain though there was only the surprisingly sickening sound of boiling jelly raspberry jelly to be specific, not so much in terms of sound but rather in terms of visuals. So to sum this long winded and utterly confusing explanation 'boiling raspberry jelly' could pretty much sum up the sight of the Aura Clone reforming itself.

'I'd say this can't get any stupider, but I'd just be proven wrong.' Sasuke thought calling upon his emergency reserves of pessimism, having previously exhausted most of it during his time stuck in the ground.

So far he had been out of the ground for little more than a few minutes and Sasuke was pretty sure he would be better off in the ground.

'Still at least I'm safe from the pink haired witch, at least until this joke of a test is over.' Sasuke thought catching said pink haired witch openly glaring at him whenever Nagi's Aura Clone wasn't paying attention. Which was a lot of the time, clearly the clones retained the personality, intelligence and general mindset of their creator for better or for worse.

The clone had come with a very simple ultimatum for the two genin. Work together to finish the test or stay in the hole until they both became museum exhibits. It had worked and more importantly Sasuke had learned the valuable lesson that Nagi was a dangerous little girl.

Now the three where headed to where Nagi, the original, was keeping Kakashi occupied with Nagi, the clone, in the lead.

WHOOMP!

Sadly Nagi's, the clone's, though likely the original's as well, level of spacial awareness combined with the sheer number of low hanging tree branches made for slow going.

* * *

"Okay we're here." Nagi spoke with a surprising level of restraint and softness, which made both Sakura and Sasuke move into more serious states of mind. Even if both genin were thinking about the best place to hide the other's corpse. "All right, I'll disperse so Nagi knows you guys are here." The clone finished before she began to melt into a pool of maple red chakra.

"Hey wait what are we supposed. Do you have a plan at all?" Sasuke said, in a voice a bit louder than was likely safe this close to a ninja battle, he wouldn't get an answer though as the clone had already dissolved into a thick puddle of chakra which was currently being soaked up by the tree branch.

That technique is really just wrong on a lot of levels.

"What the hell is the plan?" Sasuke cried once again in vain. In vain because not only had the clone melted but Sakura had already disappeared, presumably into the fray of battle.

Sasuke sighed deeply; he almost couldn't believe that he was the sane one in this team. Fortunately he was beginning to get used to the weirdness, at least in life and death situations such as this one, and readied some shuriken and ninja wire before jumping into the fray.

'They could have at least told where all the fog came from.' Was the Uchiha's last though before he entered into battle.

* * *

"Alright Nagi if you stop trying to lop off my head I'll... give you a box of dango." Kakashi said before narrowly dodging a giant blade. "Two boxes of dango?" He said with uncertain tone of voice before side stepping to avoid a thrust to his gut. "Two boxes of dango laced with arsenic."

This offer actually Nagi halt her relentless assault for a moment. After all poison was the ultimate spice, at least in her mind, plus it meant no one could steal her food without suffering the consequences.

Kakashi quickly took advantage of the young girl's lapse to put as much distance between him and the blonde swords-girl.

As the battle between Kakashi and Nagi continued the jounin's plan for ending this with, mostly, non violent methods were beginning to show its problems more and more.

The problem with fighting Nagi with any technique was that she was far too unpredictable. Her attacks followed no logical rhythm or flow. Defending was hard enough, trying to do that while find holes in her own defence was akin to locating a joker in a deck of cards while the cards were still being shuffled.

Which was why he was forced to resort to petty tricks, as opposed to the dirty tricks he was taught.

Never the less Kakashi was confident that he could win this fight. Which was the point the senbon hit him in the back of the neck.

The attack sent him stumbling, wether from the sudden surprise or from whatever chemical was undoubtedly coursing through his blood stream he wasn't sure, what he did know is that he almost stumbled directly into the edge of Nagi's blade. Apparently she had chosen now to slash at Kakashi's gut.

Only his trained reflexes allowed him to flip over the razor sharp blade ending in a perfect landing. The only problem was that once the jounin had landed the world kept spinning. Whatever toxin he had been hit with was potent stuff, made worse by the fact that he hadn't a chance to remove the needle from the back of his neck. Neither would he have a chance for a while as he had to quickly barrel roll out of the way of an attack from behind.

He managed to dodge the multitude of shuriken by a hairs breadth... wait shuriken.

"Shiiiit!" Kakashi slurred as he just barely missed being chopped in half from behind by Nagi's massive blade.

Kakashi only got a glimpse of a smirking Nagi Uzumaki and a smirking Sasuke Uchiha before he was brought to flurry of melee combat. Kakashi knew right then he was fighting a losing battle. As the seconds went back, as the toxin in his bloodstream continued to spread, Kakashi continued to lose milliseconds off his reaction time. Bringing him closer and closer to turning the near misses of Nagi's chaotic bladework into direct hits. Coupled work with the added threat of Sasuke attempting to toss shuriken into the base of his spine and it all pointed towards Kakashi losing a limb.

Still something strange happened during those increasingly hazy moments, to most people there that day it wouldn't change much. It wouldn't change the outcome of the battle and the single person it would affect would push it from his mind.

Regardless the event was the start of something and it started with Kakashi being too whacked out on toxins to know what he was doing.

To this end Kakashi started to forget that he was fighting genins and let loose his favoured technique for culling high level chunins.

"Katon: Flash Burn!" Kakashi called out sending what was effectively a massive and incredibly fast stream of blazing hot fire at the first blurred object he saw that resembled a person.

Fast, efficient and deadly. Flash Burn was a simple but powerful jutsu designed to render its target into blackened carbon before said target had a chance to react

In this case it was Sasuke who became the target of the barely controlled burn (5) and he definitely didn't have a chance to react.

Luckily for him the only person only his team with a shred of teamwork in her small body, in fact she came pre-packaged with near unconditional camaraderie, and even better for Sasuke she was considerably faster than he was.

The last Uchiha was knocked away from the blade and too the ground before he had a chance to register the fact that the girl he loathed by association to the pink haired witch, had just taken a deadly attack for him.

Kakashi, still unsure what he had just done, barely got a chance to remove the senbon still embedded in the back of his neck before a kunai was held to the front of his neck.

"Hello sensei?" Said a feminine voice sweetly.

"Mom?"

"...Sakura." The feminine voice said with more than a little hint of exasperation.

"Ahhhhh right. I completely know who that is." Kakashi said distracted by a pretty, and quite possibly hallucinated, bird.

"Luckily for you this particular type of deliriant(6) is quick to work and quicker to wear off." Sakura said removing a good handful of senbon that she had embedded, unnoticed, into various points on his body. "After all I fully intend to kill you myself for sticking me in the ground next to that teme." The pink haired girl growled through gritted teeth indicating said teme with a wave of free wave, by free I mean holding a hypodermic needle of backup poison.

This also had the added effect of breaking Sasuke out of his shock induced stupor. "Wha- what you bit- wait that's not important your best friend was just engulfed in flames.

Sakura shrugged, which for obvious safety reason you probably do while holding a sharp implement up to the neck of an unstable drugged person unless you wanted them to die, so naturally it was a fairly exaggerated shrug she did. "It wasn't the first time and it won't be the last." The pink haired girl said to a confused Sasuke.

"What can I say? Fireproofing is an acquired and very useful skill." A happy blonde said as she walked out of the strong burning bonfire the attack left behind. The girl apparently knew that the combat had run was over and had sealed her giant weapon away in the smaller, but still pretty big, scroll attached to the back of her flak jacket.

Sasuke could only mumble scared and confused before he simply pushed the entire event from his mind for the sake of his increasingly fragile sanity.

Sakura openly laughed at his obvious mental suffering before quickly returning her attention to her soon to be victim of a jounin sensei. "Well then Cyclops-sensei we've only know a little while but I already grown to both respect you and more majorly utterly loathe you for your ability to torment people."

"Does it feel like we're forgetting something?" Sasuke questioned.

"Post kill ramen." Nagi said without any hint of joking, as though she actually knew what the point of this entire exercise was.

Sakura only grinned evilly and angled her kunai to tear out Kakashi's throat. "Sayonara sen-"

BRING!BRING!BRING!

"Damn it who the hell's interrupting my unnecessarily dramatic kill."

"I still think it could be more unnecessarily dramatic," Nagi mused, "you know brass fire torchs, sacrificial alter, large four poster bed with inbuilt chains. Hinata suggested that last one when I asked her about rituals, apparently she even ordered one. She said I could come play on it but I have to wear black underwear and not tell Sakura... on second thoughts forget I said that. I want to jump on the big bed." Fortunately, or unfortunately, no-one heard Nagi's incriminating ramblings over the sound of the alarm clock. Even so only one recently sobered jounin actually bothered to remember what it meant.

As I said it was only a matter of time until Kakashi would be defeated, unfortunately for the genin none of them bothered to pay attention to the clock.

"Well now it looks like we've all learned an important lesson here." Kakashi said radily disarming Sakura and putting her in a head hold.

"Use a longer lasting deliriant."Sakura gasped between shallow breaths.

"Nope, don't waste your time on schienagins and trying to kill your teammates." Kakashi said levelling a glare at the genin before his eyes morphed into a sudden eye smile. "But don't worry. I'm willing to give you all a second chance. But first let's eat."

* * *

"Fuck my life." Sasuke bemoaned as he slumped against the ropes which tightly bound him to a log.

"I agree, fuck your life. Preferably with a sharp iron stick." Agreed Sakura who was tied to the other side of the log and pulling against the ropes. She didn't have any hope of escaping but she had noticed that since they were tied to the same log with the same length of rope, anytime she pulled from her side Sasuke was painfully pulled into the log by the bonds.

"I'm pretty comfortable myself." Nagi commented being the only genin in the general vicinity not currently tied to something.

"Good to hear," Kakashi said and for once in his life he was being flippant. Elsewhere Maito Gai was trying on a suit; admittedly it was a purple one that he intended to use in a Joker cosplay (7). "Now what we're going to do is quite simple. I'm going to give you all a second chance to pass the test but first we need punish the two people who are apparently almost incapable of understanding the point of this test."

"What and the blonde midget did?" Sasuke said with indignation, which was sad, he was doing so well at not acting like asshole. At least for a little while there.

"Yes Sasuke she did! Because unlike you two Nagi not only realised that she'd need help in achieving an impossible task she was the only one here today who actually showed no trace of animosity to any of her teammates. Meanwhile you two were trying to kill each other at any given opportunity. It feels like if I even take the time to explain just what this test was about I'd just end up wasting everyone's time."

"If you hadn't interfered I would have had him." Sakura said with confidence.

"And while you were fighting with him Sakura Nagi would have been left alone fighting enemies who would not hesitate to kill her given even a second's opportunity."

Sakura had nothing to say to that, in fact the mere mention of Nagi dying seemed to have sent her into some internal moment of panic and terror.

Surprisingly Nagi had nothing to say to this either. She trained by sparing against Kyuyo not to mention Oji and Ani-san, all of which were skilled ninjas that could probably crush her if they wanted and did not insist on treating her like a porcelain doll (though admittedly one dipped in liquid asbestos) a fact that irritated her to no end. Nagi was a girl who knew her limits if only so she knew where to push them. Still that wasn't Nagi's main query at the moment, she was more curious about what exactly she did right. She only followed Kyuyo's advice and did whatever seemed right at the time, such as jumping in front of a massive gout of fire to push Sasuke out of it, people made such a big deal out of nothing sometimes.

Still on the bright side Nagi's point of introspection allowed her to sidestep Kakashi's rather numerous comments about just how soul crushing this entire morning had proved and thus conveniently started listening to the good parts.

"And so that is why legal issues prevent me from dolling out decent punishments to anyone below chunin rank and why you will instead by tied to post to a post while Nagi eats lunch in front of you."

"Sensei, you do know that Sakura has already eaten today." Sasuke said unable to muster up the enthusiasm for an insult, unlike Nagi he wasn't able to tune out Kakashi's criticism and thus his sense of self importance had taken a sound and rather vicious beating.

"Actually yes I do. Which is why I've arranged another punishment for Sakura." Kakashi declared.

"What would that be?" Sakura asked with considerable trepidation, her ideas for decent punishments (i.e. those whose use on genins was considered a war crime even during times of peace) were really really... well awesome except when they would be used on her.

As what for what he actually had planned. "Your punishment... is to be tied to the same log as Sasuke." Actually pretty harsh when you consider this girls character.

"You crafty bastard."

"Plus it saves me from locating a clearing with two conveniently placed tree stumps."

"Couldn't you just cut down two trees and make one." Sasuke asked.

"Well seeing as how I already helped destroy that river we were fighting at recently I'd rather not contribute to deforestation as well."

"Good call." Nagi said, with all the tree dwelling kami she knew Nagi liked to avoid destroying trees whenever possible. An odd reason perhaps for ones ecologic views but whatever works for ya.

"Well then, now would generally be the time I give the lunchboxes to Nagi and tell her not to get you two any. However someone detonated the lunches." Kakashi looked over to Nagi.

"What I had to be thorough in my elimination of possible targets." Nagi defended.

"I won't ask. Is it all right if you wait here while I go get some takeout."

"Nah it's all right, I brought my own." Nagi declared pulling a pair of homemade bento from the ever convenient, and apparently ever present, comedic hammer space.

"Well that all works out well then." Kakashi said, he did love it when an inconvenient plot hole created by a pointless joke was resolved so quickly. "If you need me I'll be catching up on my reading. Don't let them eat anything or there will be consequences."

"Sensei, why is your face all shadowy like that."

"Dramatic Reveal genjutsu, just roll with it."

"It wasn't really a reveal but okay, have fun!" Nagi said before walking over to sit by the log which her two teammates remained tied to.

Kakashi turned around and prepared for a shunshin, he didn't even make it through half of the required handsign before Nagi was offering to handfeed her homemade bento to both her teammates.

Kakashi probably would have cried at the sight of basic human decorum, had he not tripped in shock and face planted the ground.

* * *

"I am here to report that Team 7 has passed the genin exam." Kakashi said standing in the Hokage's office.

"So all three showed teamwork and loyalty to their team-mates." The ancient and wise Sandaime Hokage queried taking a deep pull of his antique cherry oak pipe.

"Nope. In fact I'm considering disposing of two of them and putting the third into some sort of deprogramming."

The ancient and wise Sandaime Hokage nearly choked to death on his antique cherry oak pipe. Once he had retained his composure, and the ever vital use of his lungs, Sarutobi attempted to get more information about the situation.

"Did any of the genin get the bells?" He asked and was rewarded with a look of non-comprehension on the features of one of his most trusted jounin.

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." Kakashi said simply, though something about the worried look in his eyes directed at him served to piss the Sandaime off immensely. "Well I'll come by with my new Team tomorrow from their next mission. Anything that comes with the risk of immolation would be great."

Kakashi shunshined away with an eye smile leaving the Hokage to wish his plan to get Konoha a proper psychiatric ward had worked out properly. Don't get him wrong he liked the improvements in the field of torture but it did seem like a psychiatrist would be more valuable at times.

Sighing deeply Sarutobi looked down to the form in front of him, it was a basic outline of the testing procedure used for Team 7 and the bottom of the page, like many other similar forms he had filled out recently, the paper contained one simple question and two concise answers.

Did the team fulfil all components for passing the test?

Yes

No

After looking at the question for a good hour Sarutobi dipped his pen in a bottle of ink and added a third answer to the question and put a cross next to it.

Did the team fulfil all components for passing the test?

Yes

No

I have no idea X

After answering it Sarutobi filled the paper into his outbox and took the night off.

* * *

**So do you actually have an excuse for not writing anything for six months?**

I was sorta of hoping you wouldn't bring that up.

**It's what I'm here for twit.**

Well... you see...uh [Looks around for an escape] shit happened.

**...**

It was a lot of shit to be fair, one after the after.

**Such as.**

Well I got a job you know that?

**Yes.**

Yeah well that absorbed my life for a good while then it all sort of fell apart. First I got sick. Then I got injured. Then I fired. Now here we are.

**That doesn't sound like much.**

Well there was all fluid filling my lungs and crippling pain caused by moving for a little while. Spending my recovery time playing Portal 2 and Tales of Monkey Island didn't help much in terms of anti-procrastination. Plus my mind played a prominent factor.

**Mind? There's a laugh.**

Quite you, you see a large problem lies in the way I plan a story and/or the lack thereof. You see I basically plan out the story in randomised points in the plot. This results in several large blocks of plot at the beginning, middle and end. Unfortunately I don't always plan the connecting points between these blocks and thus I'm left with entire points where I have no idea what I'm doing. This entire chapter is one such point. Pretty everything written here was done on the spot.

**In other words you're an idiot with a faulty brain who can't plan anything properly. Which is why any readers who still cared enough, had to wait months for this drivel of a chapter.**

Pretty much. Still I have a peace offering for everyone who has read this story.

**That would be?**

Art.

**Art?**

Next to writing, it is my primary creative skill.

**Which is useful since you have no practical skills.**

Harsh. Never the less for anyone interested I've set up a link in my account page for a picture of Kyuyo and Nagi.

**At last a use for that Deviant-Art account you made out of boredom.**

It all comes full circle. Well then, I think that's about it I hope nobody wants to hurt me too much.

**If any does I can give you his home address.**

He will too. We'll then jamata and since I have a general idea of what I'm doing next chapter it hopefully won't take too long.

_Next time has 90% more Zabuza. Yay giant swords :)_

* * *

(1)- Spleen, it really is the funniest organ there is. I don't have a clue why, it just is.

(2)- Look it up. It's awesome.

(3)- I feel so Monkey Island.

(4)- You know when I misspelt this word in Word and used spellcheck the first option to come up was actually sexual instead of schedule. I never knew a computer program could be so much of a perv.

(5)- Hmm Controlled Burn... good god I'm seeing TF2 achievements everywhere. Damn you Valve. You and your little hats too!

(6)- It's effectively a category of hallucinogen that induces a state similar to delirium. That's right Kakashi was drugged, it was bound to happen eventually.

(7)- I'll let that image float around in your heads.


	5. Chapter 4

**Vicious Calm**

**Chapter 4- They're Good Friends but Terrible Examples of Humanity**

[Cynicism and Childness glare at Cat]

What?

**How long did this chapter take for you to write?**

Uh... bit over three months.

**What did you spend most of that time on?**

...Ponies.

**My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic a show for little girls...**

_And young adult males :)_

**... of which you are neither.**

It won't be long until I can drink... legally I mean. Might be able to finally get rid of you two.

**Yes because alcohol while make the voices go away. You bloody moron. Anyway don't ignore the issue here.**

What issue?

**You are not only watching My Little Pony you are the Equestria Daily fansite... well daily.**

I've been an otaku for the majority of my life now. Believe me Ponies is far from the strangest thing I've ever been a fan of.

**...Touche.**

So can we get on with the chapter now?

**Fine. Childish get this crap started.**

_M'Kay^_^_

I hate you both.

* * *

"You're giving us a C Rank mission, just like that?" Kakashi said shocked. Team 7 had so far been active for little more than a few weeks, most of that time had been spent completing D Rank missions and trying to kill two thirds of his team with training so insane it would have made Gai cry manly tears.

In fact he actually had Team Gai and Team 7 training together most days, which had the unexpected effect of Hyuuga Neji sending him a fruit basket and the expected effect of Hyuuga Hinata sending him a feral badger in a cardboard box.

Kakashi still has that badger; named him Jin, he likes raw meat covered in honey and mauling Gai. Which is on a completed related note is why Kakashi is planning to give Gai a honey based cologne for his birthday next month, a gift for the enjoyment of everyone.

Never the less the point stood that Kakashi was very surprised by today's events. He had brought his team to Hokage's office to receive their daily D Rank. However as soon as Kakashi arrived; his team involved in the very common sight of a squabbling Sasuke and Sakura with Nagi attempting to keep the peace between both via the use of that giant sword of hers.

Even after a few weeks the two were nowhere closer to forming a respectable, non-violent, team dynamic and were it not for a strongly worded letter from the Hokage (it was written on a paper bomb) Kakashi would have dumped them both in Anko's care and wait for the corpses to arrive in the post. As it was he simply had to make it look like an accident. Which would be so much easier if the infamous Tora wasn't MIA.

He had planned once such 'accident' that day; to coincide with the D Rank mission they would receive. However his plans for the day, including the nice cup of tea he would have to celebrate his student's untimely deaths, suddenly took a hitch when the Hokage suddenly announced that his team would be undertaking a C Rank Escort mission.

"Thank you Jiji!" Nagi yelled wrapping her arms around the Sandaime's neck. She was the only one in the team that was actually happy about this turn of events; Sasuke was already mentally drafting his will and Sakura was already working out the best way to bubble wrap her friend.

Perhaps sometime should explain that last part for the past few weeks Sakura had been insanely overprotective of Nagi. Up until recently she had been looking forward to being a great ninja alongside her friend. Now the girl was one step away from stalking the blonde.

No one knew any logical reason for it, so everyone just assumed that her loss to Kakashi had resulted in the girl finally going off the deep end and largely remained unconcerned so long as the girl didn't start killing and torturing people. If that did start happening, a contingency plan had fortunately been in place for a number of years now.

Kyuyo probably found this the most irritating though as he couldn't hang outside the seal lest he get caught by the psychotic pinkette. The lengths he went to maintain his anonymity.

"Well it's nice to see that someone is happy about this," Kakashi commented as he struggled to decide between shaking his head and tossing the girl a treat like she was a trained animal, "never the less Sandaime-sama, I am afraid that my team isn't ready for such a mission."

The Hokage nodded sagely at this decision, which was made slightly funny as Nagi was still hanging from his neck, after all when it comes to decisions involving genin teams the final say always goes back to the jounin sensei. It was both an official rule, at least as official as one could get in the mockery of law and the myriad of shadow politics that Konoha called a charter, as well as an unofficial rule by the virtue of it having been burned into the minds of leaf ninja during their own genin year. Kakashi knew this, Sarutobi knew this, Sasuke would soon know this, Sakura probably knows it and intentionally ignores it and Nagi knows... actually let's not even go there.

What Kakashi had forgotten, and would soon be reminded of, was that all rules, official and unofficial, had a very important clause to them. Known colloquially as the 'Hokage Fucks Up Your Shit' clause. In this clause it states that if the Hokage has the means to enforce it, the Hokage has legal sanction to do whatever the hell they want. Right now the Sandaime Hokage wants Team 7 on this mission, why? Simply put after all his years as acting as Nagi's grandfather figure he was able to observe the impact that her actions had on people. After all these years of watching on high the Sandaime had determined that Nagi's personality attracted a wide of myriad of people, drawing all kinds of people coming together to Nagi as though she was the sun around all other celestial bodies rotated.

Sadly the Sandaime had determined recently that people were assholes; the males in particular. The more people that Nagi befriended; the more people she had around her that wanted to be the only one around her. The more people that wanted to be the only one around her; the more people that tried to kill each other whenever she turned her back. It was like these people could only act humanly whenever in the Nagi's presence; devolving to animals when they weren't. Unfortunately now that Nagi had become a ninja it was only getting worse. The pettiness and possessiveness over the blonde was getting ridiculous (it was taking a lot of his self control not to send Kakashi on a dignitary mission to Kumo) as such the Sandaime had to come up with a solution to the issue.

This mission was not the solution. This mission was him buying time to come up with a solution by getting the entire team out of the village. To be fair there was a chance that the situation would resolve itself but the chance of that happening was akin to Kakashi turning into a decent teacher and stop spending his spare time devising Rube Goldberg-esque 'accidents' for his two non-blonde students. Then again he only spent half the time morning over the Memorial Stone nowadays so that was... something.

Regardless, whatever may happen outside the village he would first have to get them out the village. So...

"While I understand your concern Kakashi, unfortunately I have to... let's say, insist that Team 7 take this mission." Sandaime said rather intensely, which, once again, was made funny because Nagi was still hanging off his neck and had actually started mimicking his expressions. Regrettably Nagi could only look intimidating when banishing a three foot long weapon (which at this time she had already sealed) so as it were, she just looked adorable.

Kakashi wasn't quite willing to back down, though if he knew the rapid series of handseals the Hokage had run through underneath his desk, he might have realised the danger that arguing presented. "Sandaime-sama I fully believe that- tha- gaaaa!"

Kakashi's sentence was cut off with a multitude of gasps and strangled cries.

"Is sensei dying?" Nagi said, serving as the sole provider of worry in the room.

"If there is any justice in the world, then yes." Sakura said chuckling as Kakashi fell down his knees, still gasping and flailing for whatever reason.

"If there **was** any justice in the world I wouldn't be in this team." Sasuke said with a sigh.

"The technique I have used on your sensei is one of a rather sadistic series of futon jutsus that shifts air away from a single point in order to create instant vacuums." Sarutobi explained, trying to ignore just how quickly Nagi's expression went from worry to interest. "This particular one creates a controlled and movable vacuum around the target's headspace. Effectively leaving them helpless and suffocating at the whim of the jutsu's caster. Incidentally I would avoid trying to hold your breath Kakashi, the damage to your lungs from the strain will do more danger to you than if you pass out, which you should be doing any second now."

Kakashi gave one last strangled cry before his eyes rolled into his head and his body impacted with the floor.

"So he's dead?" Sakura asked hopefully, to her misfortune the Sandaime shook his head.

"No. Just unconscious." Sarutobi said. "By past experience it will take a one or two minutes for him to die. For now I'll just assume his strangled cries were an attempt to say 'Yes Team 7 accepts this mission honourable and benevolent Hokage-sama', does that sound about right to you Nagi-chan." The blonde girl couldn't nod her head fast enough.

So Sandaime Hokage signed the appropriate insurance forms and liability waivers, having to stop half way through when he remembered that he forget to deactivate the vacuum jutsu.

In the end all this episode achieved was when the client came in and saw the team he hired he was greeted with the Jounin-sensei on the ground gasping for air, a pink haired girl poking said sensei with a stick, a black haired boy asking just how painful a death would result from jumping from the Hokage's tower and, the cherry on top, a small blonde girl climbing over the village leader begging him to teach her how to 'awesomely kill people like that'.

"I shouldn't have used that discount coupon." Was all Tazuna, the Super Bridge Builder, could say.

* * *

"Man this is going to be awesome!" Nagi as she tossed small cylindrical scrolls into a black and orange backpack held open on her bed. "We're going to hurt people and destroy bridges."

"I thought the mission was _protecting_ the bridge builder? The protection business doesn't usually involve death and instruction," Kyuyo mused as he sat on the edge of Nagi's bed sipping home brew whiskey (1) from a sliver hip flask, "hence the reason my brief stint into the bodyguard business ended in tears. Tears and blood. So very, very much blood." Kyuyo shook his head solemnly, were it not for the sharp toothed sadistic smile it would have almost looked like he felt the least bit repentant.

Nagi laughed remembering the story he told about his freelancer days and all the people that got bisected or gored... or bisected **and** gored. Such great bed time stories.

Across the city Kakashi shuddered, for some reason he sensed a... disturbance in the force. Well... not really a disturbance, nowadays the force is pretty much just one major disturbance, this was more like a peek in the ever churning sea of disturbance that was the force. Either way the effect was the same. Something was amiss

Unfortunately, at the moment though the cyclopean sensei was a bit busy at the moment to investigate it. He only had a few minutes to coax his pet ravenous badger into Gai's shower before said madmen returned from his 'relaxing' village wide jog while carrying crates of iron. That is both crates made of iron and filled with iron and yes crates. As in multiple. Multiple as in more than two.

'I know far too many insane people.' Thought Kakashi as he lured Jin into the large shower using a hunk of scotch fillet steak stabbed onto a stick.

To think he's worried about **other** people corrupting his sensei's daughter.

"Anyway it won't matter, the way I see it we only have to keep the Tazuna guy alive while he builds the bridge. Nobody said he wouldn't rebuild the bridge if we accidently break. I mean Kakashi-sensei said that collateral damage is an inescapable part of a ninja's life." Nagi said as she struggled with the straps on her backpack.

"I would like it noted that when the Cyclops said that he was glaring at your teammates and rubbing his hands gleefully. Not that I can blame him. Hell I would even add a few more names to the list." Kyuyo mulled as he swirled his bottle of whiskey. For better or worse Nagi didn't hear him as she wondered if she could store all her little sealing scrolls into one big sealing scroll. "Well it is just a C-Rank mission and if one of Cyclops tricks goes awry I'll be around to kill hi- I mean help you out."

"That reminds me," Nagi said suddenly while once again struggling with her backpack straps, having abandoned her idea of 'one big sealing scroll' having realised she was out of paper, "since this is my first mission and all I was... kind of hoping... that... you... wouldn't be around on the mission."

Half of Nagi's room burst into flames as Kyuyo learned why a being of fire shouldn't do a spit take with high proof highly flammable alcohol. Fortunately massive infernos were a fairly common occurrence in the Uzumaki household and between Kyuyo's perfect control of heat and Nagi's water and wind jutsus (2), the blaze was quelled without damaging anything that couldn't be replaced.

Still extinguishing the fire didn't quite end the disaster. "What do you mean you don't want me on the mission?" Kyuyo yelled before Nagi had a chance to escape from the bedroom.

Despite the fact that Kyuyo's shock and outrage made his demonic features all the more prevalent Nagi didn't balk in the slightest. Though she did have the good sense to be sheepish. "Uhhhh. I need someone to feed Taiga?"

"Nagi."

"Okay. Okay. Well like you said it's a C-Rank mission," _an awesome C-Rank_, "and to be fair we'll only really be killing a few bandits. So I figured I could leave you here with like... eight tails of chakra-"

"Eight tails, what do you intend going to use?"

"I was thinking my own chakra, really if it's just for body-enhancing and jutsu-heating I don't think I'm going to need more than a tail."

"Yeaah... no! I'm coming."

"Kyuyo..."

"Don't get me wrong it's not that I don't trust you..."

"Kyuyo..."

"It's that I don't trust other people and really-"

"Kyuyo!" Nagi yelled, stopping the demon fox mid-sentence, it only took Kyuyo a second of looking into Nagi's eyes to show just how pissed she was right now. "This is not your decision. You're staying here and I'm going on the mission ALONE... or as alone as you can be on a three man team with a jounin-sensei but what ya gonna do." Nagi ended with a laugh having executed an emotional flip-flop that only she could have comprehended as logical.

"Nagi..."

"No, I'm going, you're staying. No arguments." Nagi said firmly and finally, though after a minute of Kyuyo's hurt expression the blonde deflated a bit. "I'm sorry Kyuyo-kun it's just that, we're always together and... sometimes I wonder if I'm that good a ninja by myself." Kyuyo felt more than a bit guilty when Nagi slumped down on her, mostly un-scorched, bed. Her normally sunny expression was now downcast and depressed.

Kyuyo might have more moments of obliviousness and idiocy then you would think from a demonically shaped chakra monster, in reality his family in general weren't super geniuses by any means, take the past few minutes for instance. Never the less he knew Nagi the longest, and arguably the best, and he knew that while her moments of introspection were rare they were crippling and not something to be taken lightly.

Kyuyo did the only thing that made sense at the time and sat know and hugged his beloved blonde.

* * *

"Should you two just be sitting around like that?" Tazuna asked his supposed bodyguards, or to be more accurate the two bodyguards that had bothered to show up, who were lying around with the same interest as he usually saw in his bridge workers during their lunch breaks. Not what he expected, or wanted, from two ninjas who were about to go on a dangerous journey.

'Wait no... not dangerous. A perfectly normal, safe, C-Rank mission. I didn't lie about anything!' Tazune thought to himself, eyes darting rapidly from side to side, as if he expected some passing ninja to read his mind. Which proved, if nothing else, that the Anbu did their job of being intimidating, shadowy, mysterious badasses.

He prayed to whatever god that would be bothered to listen that the blonde girl and the one eyed sliver haired adult who had yet to show up would be saner that the raven haired emo and bubblegum haired psychopath. He quickly remembered his meeting in the Hokage's office yesterday and wondered if it was too late to get a new team... or at least get some stronger sake.

When the small blonde girl arrived, running and waving in a way that reminded him fondly of the way his daughter (3) as a child would greet him when he arrived home from work. When he eventually broke his eyes away from Nagi's 'aura of adorableness' and focused instead on the giant sword strapped across her back he almost shit himself.

When that bastard of a Cyclops suddenly appeared directly behind him, Tazuna actually did shit himself.

Thanks to that it was another half hour before they could leave. Which was good because the blonde had realised she had to get someone to feed her cat.

* * *

A certain demonic red head watched from the massive trees that surrounded Konoha as Team 7 led their terrified victim, or client if you want to be kind and unrealistic about this, through the hidden village's gate. The teen's advanced sensory functions noted the ninja that were hidden around the gate, guarding the village from the shadows, while the ever familiar pair of ninja watching the direct entrance.

He wasn't worried about either noticing him; having compressed his massive well of chakra into nothing more than a pin-prick. He kept upwind. His pulse and breathing had been literally halted by cancelling the constant activity of his internal organs. Which didn't actually kill him, didn't even hurt, though it did feel a little weird. Kyuyo maintained his hyper realistic body because he wanted to, not because he needed to.

To be quite honest, even if the Konoha-nins did notice him, he wouldn't care, he wasn't hiding from them. He was hiding from the one person he never thought he would have to.

Kyuyo respected that Nagi wanted to do this without him as a crutch. He understood that Nagi wasn't some little kid that needed a constant look over the shoulder, and that she wanted one even less. His following her around in the shadows was nothing sort of selfish. Never the less...

'Sorry Nagi, I just can't leave you alone. If all goes well though, you'll never know I was here.'

* * *

"Are we there yet?" Nagi asked from her place on a certain raven haired genin's shoulders.

"No." Said Sasuke, who having had drawn the short straw had been nominated as Nagi's official piggy back provider/easy access meat shield. Nagi hadn't actually asked for either of those, though she did like the piggy back, and had argued strongly against the meat shield idea, but Kakashi and Sakura had been very insistent. Partly because it was Sasuke who would ultimately suffer and partly because Nagi's argument against the easy access meat shield (patent pending) was, quote, I prefer to be my own meat shield, end quote.

She chose to take out her frustration like any six year old, or someone who acts like a six year old, on a road trip.

"Are we there yet?"

"No." Was his immediate, and after three hours of this, pretty much automatic response.

"Are we there yet?"

"No." Seriously he probably wasn't even listening to the question anymore.

"Are you straight?"

"No." See.

"It disturbs me to agree with the girl, but... when are we going to be there." Tazuna said as he looked rapidly from side to side. Rather a panicky guy isn't he?

"Oh don't be such a cry-baby." Sakura said as she examined her senbon for flaws and cracks. All weapons came with the risk of breaking and cracking but the risk for senbon was considerably worse with them being small and thin. Since senbon were considered disposable it wasn't that much of an issue to a normal ninja but Sakura's maddening level of perfectionism meant that would only accept the best from everything she owned. With the exception of cleaning her chemistry sets, a problem which still led to no end of troubles, especially when she had to boil something on the kitchen stove.

Kakashi was, for once, a little more professional in his answer. "We've got at least at least an hour till we reach the boat you said would take us from the mainland to the Land of Waves. Don't worry if there were any bandits nearby I would have detected them already." It was not three second after Kakashi said that when his trained senses noticed a puddle in the middle of a bone dry road. He wasn't that surprised when his students began subtlety moving their hands closer to their weaponry having had noticed the poor hiding spot.

The jounin was thinking of the best way to scare the interloper, or interlopers, out of hiding when he was beaten to it.

Muffled cries could be heard when Nagi, suddenly and very inexplicably, leaving Sasuke confused as to how she disappeared from his back without notice, jumped into the puddle with a loud splash and all the joy of a six year in the rain. A six year old banished a zanbatou and looking forward to lopping off someone's head.

Sadly the people she had just jumped on where stronger than she expected as a pair of black clad ninja burst from the small body of water flinging Nagi away and into the nearby woods that their chosen road cut through.

"Nagi-chan!" Sakura screamed as the small girl was lost from sight in foliage. Setting her sights on the twin pair of clawed gauntlet wielding ninja, the aura of menace from two's massive weapons and horned headbands was very much ruined by the multiple egg sized bruised each nursed, and tossed a flurry of toxin tipped senbon aimed at their faces.

The single horned ninja had only looked up for a few seconds when his face was peppered with razor sharp needles. More than a few actually pierced his eyeballs. Luckily for him the sharp stabbing pain lasted only a few seconds. Luckily for us the sharp stabbing pain was replaced with a sensation akin to having one's skin replaced with fireants as the toxin flooded his blood stream.

The double horned ninja was lucky enough to have his massive claw up when the senbon came in his direction, causing the dangerous needles to bounce off harmlessly. He spared only a quick look at his partner, on the ground writhing in pain, before he disconnected the chain that held their huge clawed gauntlets together and made a break for it.

The ninja was rewarded for his panic and cowardice with a handful of shuriken in his back and a length of ninja wire wrapped around his head and body.

A few feet away Sasuke pulled his end of the ninja wire, tightening the sharp metal line until it was cutting into the ninja's flesh when he tried to stand. "If you move again I'll light the wire like a fuse and watch you burn." Sasuke declared coolly giving the wire another tug to ensure his message got across.

Over where the bridge builder Tazuna was Kakashi hung lazily behind his students, protecting their client. While Tazuna was shocked and more than a little scared the show of needless and excess violence shown by mere children Kakashi was having different thoughts. 'Both Sasuke and Sakura are getting stronger. Defeating the Kiri missing-nin Gozu and Mizu. Chunins renowned as the Demon Brothers, quickly, efficiently and brutally. I'll have to get rid of them soon before they get any stronger.' Such a supportive teacher isn't he.

While Kakashi was plotting and Sasuke was stabbing his prisoner, and having far too much fun pretending the ninja was a certain pink haired witch, said pink haired witch was busily searching for her friend.

"Nagi-chan are you okay? Nagi-chan. Nagi!" Sakura called out into the trees worry evident in her voice. "Nagi! Na-"Sakura cut herself off as she suddenly tossed a selection of senbon blindly into the branches. Her attack seemed only to serve in sending the few birds, which were dumb enough to remain near a violent ninja battle, scattering from the trees in a mass of feathers.

"What the hell was that!" Sasuke yelled as he attempted to remove the kunai that, in his surprise, he had inadvertently lodged too far into his prisoner's tibia.

"I heard something." Sakura said still tensed in a battle stance.

"Yeah you heard something, blondie." Sasuke mocked recovering his kunai with a satisfying rip of flesh.

"Shut up teme! I wouldn't mistake Nagi for an enemy." Sakura protested though it was a protest which fell on deaf and uncaring ears.

"Sakura if you hit Nagi-chan. I swear now you will not return to Konoha alive." Kakashi growled opening his weapon pouch.

Sakura's eyes narrowed at her joke of a sensei. "Bring it on you piece of shit Cyclops."

Kakashi attacked first; tossing a kunai. Sakura sidestepped the projectile with ease. Removing her gasmask Sakura readied herself for a counterattack with a cloud of poison smoke.

Had the battle escalated further she would have undoubtedly killed the client in the toxic crossfire. Tazuna was then, in a way, lucky that a particular Kiri missing-nin took his chance when it presented itself.

With Sasuke distracted, fights between Sakura and Kakashi always made for good entertainment, Meizu, with no small amount of pain, tore the ninja wire that was wrapped around his body.

Sasuke attempted to ignite the length of ninja wire via katon jutsu, soon as he noticed his prisoner moving, only to have the burning path flicker and die when the wire was torn into tiny pieces.

Meizu unleashed a powerful kick to Sasuke's abdomen before the genin could react sending him dropping to the dirt road.

With his mask falling from his face as near every part of his body had been horrifically cut when breaking the wire Meizu's sadistic grin wasn't hidden from the world as he raised a giant claw. Ready to tear the flesh off that little shit of a genin.

SWOOSH!

Blood splattered the ground as Meizu's arm was separated from his body by the mighty air slicing slash of one very familiar blade.

Nagi struck a pose as Meizu fell screaming to the ground his right hand gripping the bloody stump that was his left arm. Nagi's zanbatou had cut through the unarmoured flesh just above his clawed gauntlet sending the weapon and attached limb dropping harmlessly to the ground. A weapon, and attached limb, which Sasuke made sure to kick away from its owner when he stood up.

"Sorry I'm late, got distracted by some local forest kami. I love the guys... girls... kami back home but it's so cool to meet foreigners. I wish I went travelling earlier." Nagi rambling on and on with her usual brand of insanity, while Sasuke took some time to recover, twirling her zanbatou like it was a kunai and not three feet of sharpened steel.

Sasuke simply 'hnned' in reply to her ramblings; giving the still screaming Meizu a swift kick to the gut as he did so. While Sasuke seemed angry he would have to give the petite blonde a thanks when Kakashi and Sakura weren't around. Violent and random though she may be Nagi was probably the closest thing he had too an ally since becoming a genin, even if Kakashi and Sakura weren't distracted with a petty power feud he wouldn't be surprised if they would have let him die before taking out the Kiri-nin, and he was really beginning to appreciate just how valuable allies were.

"Well," Kakashi declared giving Nagi a pat on the head, "I think we did good work today. It's a shame that a certain pair of genin, who shall not be named, managed to survive but we can't have everything."

Sakura gave Kakashi a middle figured salute before taking time to administering a knockout drug and a clotting agent to the recently disarmed ninja. Figuring whoever this idiotic missing-nin, she had noticed his scratched headband recently; she'd likely get more money for him alive. If not then she could take her time later to kill him slowly or just sell him as a practice dummy to the Torture and Interrogation department.

Sasuke ignored the comment, as he and Nagi re-assumed defensive positions around a shell shocked Tazuna, he thought once that this team would drive him to ritual suicide. Now he was determined to stay alive just to piss off everyone...

"You okay Sasuke." Nagi asked him with genuine concern.

... everyone but Nagi. She was alright.

"Alright. I've sent a nin-dog with instructions back to Konoha, a recovery team will likely be sent by pick up Gozu and Meizu. We can work out how to split the bounty on the Demon Brothers when we get home; I'm thinking 70% for me and 20% for Nagi-chan. You two can have the rest, speaking of which Konoha takes a 10% cut off all bounties." Kakashi said as he tied up the unconscious forms of the demon brothers. Gozu having had passed out from pain sometime ago. Sakura left the needles in his face so Gozu would have a souvenir of their time together.

"Honestly it's like he's asking me to pour acid down his throat sometimes." Sakura said quite seriously. More than a little pissed about the idea on being snubbed on the bounty.

"Wait I'm confused. Who are Goza and Maizu?" Nagi asked.

"They're the two idiots we just brutally maimed." Sasuke answered choosing not to correct the blonde on the incorrect names. After all it wasn't like they were going to show up again.

* * *

Even a master of stealth and emotional control such as himself couldn't hold back a few chuckles at the previous scene. Though honestly Haku was laughing a lot more nowadays compared to how he once was.

He never did care much for the Demon Bakas anyway. Nothing more than a pair of losers who kept harassing Zabuza like he owed them something. The fact that Gato even hired them was no doubt only due to such bad blood between the three. Honestly what fool goes out of his way to antagonize the dangerous missing-nin he had hired. One day someone was going to flay that disgusting man.

"Still, why dwell on the fools when much more interesting events are occurring. It's always good to see Nagi-chan again. I'm sure Zabuza will be please. What do you think Kyuyo-san?"

"I think frost boy, is that you get eviller and eviller every time I see you." The red haired demonic teen said appearing suddenly on a nearby branch. Pulling senbon needles from his arm as his spoke. "Nagi-chan needs to pick better friends, that pink haired bitch has issues."

Haku chuckled. "Still crude as ever Kyuyo-san."

Kyuyo scoffed pulling out the final senbon. "I'll have you know that I'm a prime example of demonhood. Anyway if you're here then bandage mouth can't be far away, mind if I ask what you two are involved in that involves sending assassins after my little Nagi-chan?" Kyuyo asked making his point clear as his eyes grew a deep blood red. Trees began to smoulder as his caustic aura began leaking out.

"The Demon Brothers are not our doing and Nagi was not their target anyway. Now if you wouldn't mind I would rather you control your chakra Kyuyo-san. Kakashi of the Sharingan is still nearby or worse... Nagi-chan's pink haired friend."

Kyuyo growled but saw his logic and regained control of his chakra retracting it back into his body. His eyes retained their demonic glow though.

"If you're going be like that Kyuyo, then I'm sure you won't mind me asking what **you** were doing with that group of kami earlier." Haku began once Kyuyo had gained some semblance of self control.

Kyuyo narrowed his eyes. "You saw that?"

"Not 'saw' perse, as a mere human I can't see kami remember. But when you or Nagi are talking to something that's not there it's usually safe to say that it's a kami. If I'm not wrong then you had instructed the local kami to swarm Nagi when she was knocked back into the trees. Presumably to keep distracted enough to avoid re-entering the fight until later?"

Kyuyo was silent for a few minutes, but he didn't seem all that guilty about his ploy to keep Nagi out of the battle. "I'm just trying to keep Nagi from getting hurt. If it wasn't for those stupid senbon hitting me and startling the tree kami Nagi wouldn't have re-entered the fight at all."

"I'm not judging but if you had your way wouldn't her black haired teammate have been killed then." Haku queried.

"I could live with that." Kyuyo said finally. Haku chuckled in response. "Don't you laugh, it's not like I'm the only one here scheming."

"I haven't a clue what you're talking about." Haku said with a deadpan expression.

It was now Kyuyo's turn to laugh. "Don't fuck with me frosty. If Nagi wasn't in that piss poor excuse for a team you would have already ran off to bandage mouth like Robin to Batman. Whenever you're not playing side-kick it means you're scheming something."

"So what if I am."

Kyuyo had to think about this actually. "Nothing I suppose, as long as Nagi doesn't get hurt I really don't care what you do. While I don't like you all that much I know you well enough to know you wouldn't hurt her. That being said I am rather curious."

Haku smiled shrewdly. "It is certainly true that I would never want to hurt Nagi, however I don't consider curiosity a good enough reason for me to spill my entire master plan."

"Kids these days. No respect for ancient evil villain traditions." Kyuyo scoffed.

"I don't consider myself an evil villain."

"Then what do you consider yourself?"

"Just put it this way, there are two people in this world that I wish happiness for. Sadly both of them are rather stubborn and a bit dim. I realised a while ago that if I must be a little evil to give them both happiness; I'm alright with that."

"Very well, I won't interfere with whatever you have planned. But! Remember this, I am watching, if Nagi spills a single tear or gets so much as a scratch. I will destroy you." Kyuyo warned moments before he was enveloped in a swirl of yellow fire.

Haku rolled his eyes at the rather flashy jutsu display. "Sometimes I wonder just how he was able to keep himself hidden for so long with flashy jutsus like that. Then again," Haku looked at the trees which had caught fire from Kyuyo's reality altering yellow flames, "I suppose burning away any remains one might have left behind is an effective tactic. Though I doubt he does it intentionally."

Haku looked down at the Demon Brothers. Still unconscious and rather close to the growing forest fire.

"Sorry tree kami but this is too handy of body disposal method to pass up." Raising his hands up in an apologetic measure toward the local tree kami whose homes would burn. Of course he only did it for a moment before disappearing into a large sheet of ice that had formed behind him. Leaving both the forest and his fellow Kiri missing-nin to a fiery fate.

* * *

"Good thing we reached this boat before that forest fire reached us." Sasuke said watching large plumes of smoke rise from the mainland.

Once Team 7 and their client had reached the ocean shore motorboat and the friend of Tazuna's who captained it who instructed them to remain as silent as possible while travelling to the island. When Kakashi had asked why the boat driver had looked confused for a while before eventually spluttering out that it would scare the fishes. The man was clearly lying but he had been backed up Nagi brandishing a fishing pole and that was that.

"Hey Sasuke can you cook this?" Nagi passed the Uchiha a trio of decent sized fish skewered on a stick.

Sasuke proceeded to flame grilled the fish with a controlled gout of fire spit from his lips. Soon as the skin had properly crisped up Sasuke took a bit from one of the fish. After chewing it for a few seconds he pulled a bottle of tomato sauce from his bag and smothered the fish with it.

"I hope the kami can find new homes." Nagi said from the back of the boat, her fishing line trailing in the water, though she was distraught by the loss of habitat fire was as much a part of nature as trees were and there wasn't much she could do but hope the kami found new homes.

"Personally I'm more worried about our bounties." Sakura said through bites of her own, already grilled, fish. "This is good fish."

"Thanks," Nagi said happily pulling her line from the water with another fish hanging from the hook, "I think its pike."

"Little girl there are no pike in these waters." The boat driver while he manning the oar to direct them through the currents. Having cut the engine a little while ago.

"No... She's right. That is pike." Tazuna said looking closely at the fish.

"I have salmon too." The blonde ducked her line back in the water and pulled it out a few seconds later, a large salmon now hanging from the line.

Neither Tazuna or the boat driver had a clue how to react to this.

"Just... don't try to understand." Kakashi advised while eating, what appeared to be, Alaskan king crab.

* * *

Zabuza Momochi is not just a bad person. He's a bad person who advertises that he is a bad person. His looks. His attitude. His clearly visible and obviously deadly weaponry. Zabuza Momochi is a bad person and a dangerous person at that.

He's killed.

He's stolen.

He'd do almost anything to get money.

So why then did he not the long ago spend all of that blood money on a graduation present for a twelve year old girl?

She was eternally happy. He once punched a man for laughing at a joke that wasn't funny.

She was a Konoha ninja. He was a notorious Kiri missing-nin.

She was a jinchuriku. He once led a rebellion against his jinchuriku kage.

She was his niece. He was her uncle.

Zabuza was broken from his musings as a voice spoke out from the dark corners of his lodgings. A voice he easily recognised. "Report Haku."

"The bridge builder has reached the mainland. At the current rate he will reach his village by dusk." Haku stepped out from the shadows. Only the slightest glimmer of light showed that he had used his Demonic Ice Mirrors jutsu for long range teleportation. "I have also determined that the bridge builder has successfully hired Konoha ninjas for protection."

"Anyone important?" Zabuza asked in a gruff voice. Giving his zanbatou, the decapitating blade Kubikiribounchou, a few practice swings.

"Kakashi of the Sharingan. He dealt with Gato's Plan B, the Demon Brothers." Haku half lied.

"You know what I mean Haku. Anyone Nagi knows."

The mask pilfered from hunter-nin hid Haku's face from view. This meant that Zabuza couldn't see the little evil grin Haku had on his face. "No Zabuza, an introverted Jounin and a trio of faceless genins. Word of who killed them will never get back to Nagi-chan."

"Good."

It was true that Zabuza had a soft side, but that side was reserved only for his niece and his apprentice, to everyone else he was a bad person. A dangerous person. A person who got the job done.

The bridge builder would die today.

* * *

"We're almost at my house. You can all stay in my house while I finish building the bridge." Tazuna said as they walked along the roads of the Land of Waves. The boat driver has dropped them on a small wharf and immediately left as soon as Tazuna and Team 7 was on dry land. Or in Sasuke's case when he was in a middle of stepping off the boat. Still that's what he gets from being slow and getting off the boat last.

"Hey wait I thought we just has to escort this super idiot to his village." Sakura said angrily. "I never heard anything about extended protection plan."

Kakashi sighed. "Didn't you listen to the mission briefing?"

"What mission briefing?" Was Sakura's immediate answer.

"...Touche. Never the less he paid for two weeks protection so we're staying around for three weeks."

"Aw hell. Two fucking weeks." Sakura moaned. "Can you believe this Nagi?"

"I'm not worried." The ever cheerful blonde said having had already assumed this. "I have Kyuyo around to feed Taiga."

* * *

Taiga, Nagi's brown stripped cat, had more or less adjusted to her new life. During her time with the Fire Daimyo's wife the cat had almost forgotten the simple joys of living with a gentle owner. Lazing in the sun. Being scratched behind the ear. Mauling the neighbourhood kids... no wait, she never stopped doing that at any point in her, fairly long, life.

Still, while she had developed quite the pallet for ramen, she really couldn't help but be shocked by the sheer volume her owner posed.

Like now, when she looked up at the three foot pyramid constructed entirely out of the cup ramen that the Kyuubi no Kitsune has pulled out of her owner's stock. Even all this was only the kitchen cupboards.

Placed in front of ramen pyramid a single piece of paper was marked with the Kyuubi's scratchy handwriting.

EAT THIS OVER TWO WEEKS- KYUYO

'... How does he expect me to operate a kettle and cook these? I'm a freaking cat.'

* * *

"Who's Kyuyo?" Tazuna asked his sense of self-preservation was overridden by his curiosity when he saw how the pink and black haired children's faces suddenly darkened when the blonde mentioned that name.

"He's either a mysterious figure who holds great sway over Nagi's views and opinions and who has never been seen by mortal eyes or, much more likely, Nagi's imaginary friend." Kakashi answered. "However it is both Sakura and Sasuke want him gone; either by assassination or getting Nagi some much needed therapy. The therapy's one of the few things we agree."

"Wait, you left a living animal in the care of a non-existent entity." Tazuna looked at a smiling blonde more than a little disturbed.

Said blonde was quickly angered by the bridge builder's comment and leapt to the defence of her friend. "I'll have you know that Kyuyo is **very** responsible!"

Tazuna sweatdropped. "That is not the point. I meant... hey did anyone just hear a sneeze?"

"It was probably just a nearby cut-a-way gag. It's nothing to worry about happens all the time." Kakashi said with a wave of his hand. While it may seem a little strange for a ninja to disregard someone hiding nearby he was right that such cut-a-way gags were commonplace in Konoha and it often got more than a little confusing. Particularly in large groups. Much the same way that cell phones with the same ringtone caused trouble in countries without strict technological embargos.

"Pushing dumbass jokes aside client-san, is it always this... misty in your country?" Sasuke asked watching a thick white miasma roll in further along the path, both out of curiosity and to move away from talk about Konoha's gag problems. The Uchiha clan were never known for enjoying, or even tolerating, the proud tradition of comedy that the Senju clan had built the village upon. The previously long running joke that the Uchiha's wanted to build the city on rock and roll instead; never really helped matters.

"Hmmm. Now that you mention it, the weather's almost never this bad." The bridge builder answered remembering the last time the mist had been this bad and hoping it meant that Gato's shipping company lost another ship carrying a cargo of dry ice.

"Such a shame," Nagi said twirling around in the mist, "I love weather like this. Mist. Snow. Rain. You never get anything like this in the Land of Fire. Unless ya' make it yourself of course." The young blonde punctuated her sentence by tossing a ball of water into the air. Said ball frosted over as it rose in the air before exploding at its zenith. The remains of the impromptu jutsu demonstration rained down as snowflakes which were then whipped along by a sudden breeze.

"Which brings me to a question I've been mulling over for a while now Nagi-chan." Kakashi said seriously, closing his little orange book with a snap.

"Shoot sensei." Nagi said cheerfully, not that she was paying much attention, choosing instead to weave snowflakes in her hands. Unbeknownst to everyone else she was taking advantage of the rare opportunity to form such small acts of ice jutsu without Kyuyo's massive red hot chakra reserves inadvertently melting whatever she created within seconds.

"The Hidden Mist jutsu you used during the genin exams. The one which just so happens to be Kirigakure's signature jutsu. I have to ask just... where the hell did you learn that jutsu?" Kakashi spoke slow and methodically in order to ensure that he would get a straight answer out of the hyperactive blonde. He made sure to be holding Nagi's shoulder just to make sure she didn't go anywhere.

It was all for naught though as when the jounin blinked, for all of a split second, Nagi spotted an adorable bunny on the side of the road.

Girl moved so fast she kicked up a breeze.

"Bunny!" Nagi yelled sliding across the ground as she attempted to hug/tackle the snow white bunny... and found herself crashing into a tree as the bunny hopped scared into the undergrowth. "Wait. I just want to pet you." The blonde cried giving chase into the undergrowth on all fours.

"Anyone here ever watched that movie Up?" Sasuke asked while next to him Kakashi looked confused. "She really reminds me of that talking dog, Dug I believe. Wonder where I can get squirrels?"

"I'll go get her. You idiots wait here." Sakura declared removing a cup of instant ramen, presumably to be used as bait, only to be interrupted by Kakashi who had broken out of his stupor.

"No... Leave her be. I'm never going to get a straight answer until she has burnt off some excess energy. Besides we're only a few kilometres away from the client's village. Nagi can cover that distance in no time... we could cover that distance in no time if we didn't have to drag a slow ass lump of civilian...

"I didn't pay to be insulted."

"... It's a special service. Anyway Nagi can catch up when she's done. It's not like there's nothing particularly dangerous on this mission."

Tazuna's eyes darted back to forth at that statement. Fortunately for him any trained ninjas who might have noticed were otherwise occupied.

"What if another pair of Kiri missing-nins ambushes us for kicks?" Sasuke asked; rather reasonably in his opinion.

Kakashi didn't seem to share this belief though. "Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke. The odds of us being randomly ambushed by a pair of Kiri missing-nins twice on a C-Rank mission is astronomical."

You would think with all the acts of irony that he would have known better by now. Mere moments after he finished talking Team 7, minus Nagi, and almost minus Tazuna had Sasuke not shown concern for the mission parameters pulled the bridge builder with him, hit the ground dodging the spinning blade that slashed overhead.

The spinning blade slammed into a nearby tree; embedding itself with enough force to shakes branches from the tree.

A blur of speed lines signalled the use of the Body Flicker and heralded the arrival of the latest on the growing list of people who wanted to ensure Team 7's premature end. As if the members of Team 7 themselves wasn't capable of destroying the team on their own.

"See," Kakashi brushed the dirt from his flak jacket and facemask as he picked himself up from the ground, "I told you that the chances of a pair of Kiri missing-nins showing up and attacking us were astronomical. Clearly the chances of a single missing-nin showing up were considerably lower."

"I hope you die in a fire Cyclops." Sakura growled.

"I'm guessing this guy's stronger than the other two put together though." Sasuke asked.

The ninja who loomed at them with the intent to destroy from his place on his sword was dressed in black. His lower face was covered in thick bandages. A scratched Kiri headband was worn lopsided on his head.

"Momochi Zabuza; this guy isn't just stronger than the Demon Brothers put together. He's stronger than the Demon Brothers multiplied by themselves. Sakura, Sasuke stay back, as much as I hate you two a death by Demon of the Mist's hands isn't a fate I would wish on anyone." Kakashi explained placing himself in front of the genins and bridge builder. His normal attitude and actions made the act of heroism rather strange; still the effect was the same, unusual or not.

"He says that, but I get the impression that he just wants to want to do us in himself." Sasuke said; though he still moved back and assumed a defensive stance.

"Who cares; I've read this freak's bingo book entry. If the two psychos want to kill each other then who am I to get involved." Sakura said.

Kakashi would have sighed at this but he kind of expected such comments from the peanut gallery.

The Kiri missing-nin looked over the group; evaluating with cold and cruel eyes. He was not impressed. "You appear to be Kakashi of the Sharingan, I'll admit I expected your genin team to possess a bit more... competence." Sasuke did not focus on the insult that had been levelled against him, much more focused on the 'Kakashi of the Sharingan' bit, let alone comment on it but fortunately Sakura was more than capable of answering for the both of them with a pair of middle fingers and a string of creative profanities.

Zabuza was used to children not acting like they should have though and ignored the expletives as he continued his speech/long winded insult. "A glaring emo who can't come up with his own comebacks and a girl who's clearly pissed from losing a lifetime's worth of bubblegum in her hair. Not only does this team look worthless... it's incomplete. Did the third one trip and die."

"My third student happens to be a lot better than these two walking problems (Sakura gave another middle fingered salute) she just happens to be... distracted, at the moment." Kakashi defended his prized genin student with equal parts pride and exasperation.

After his own experiences with a certain young blonde, Zaubuza almost felt sorry for the jounin instructor. Nevertheless, he was still going to have to kill him. Even if Gato did end up stiffing them on the pay, not that he would live to get away with it, the bounty on Kakashi Hatake's severed head would keep him and Haku afloat for years.

"Well it's been a fun chat Hatake, but I'm going to have to kill the old man like Gato wants."

"O'Really?" Kakashi asked turning his neck, in a rather freakish approximation of an owl, to glare daggers and promises of death at the bridge builder. Sakura and Sasuke added in their own death glares to the mix and the combined efforts almost stopped Tazuna's heart.

Even with the bottom half of his face covered in bandages Zabuza pulled off an expression of utter confusion rather well. "You fools have no idea why the Demon Brothers attacked you, do you?"

Kakashi just shrugged. "It was their own fault for going down so easily. Still... I'm sure that we'll be able to force some answers out of our client..."

"Which arm is supposed to hurt when you're having a heart attack?"

"... until then it would be a shame if he died. So I suppose I can't let you kill him. Sakura, Sasuke assume triangle point formation around the client; detain and protect."

"Cyclops, you do realise that there are only two of us. A triangle has three points. You're basically instructing us to go against maths." Sakura deadpanned.

Kakashi rolled his only visible eye. "Be creative. I'll deal with Momochi." Kakashi gave his instructions as he reached for his slanted headband.

Dramatic sound effects were practically audible when Kakashi pulled his hitai-ite upwards revealing his ultimate weapon for the first time since his epic battle with Nagi. At least it was epic in his mind.

Zabuza wasn't perturbed even in the slightest. "Ah...I already get to see the famous Sharingan. I'm honoured." It was difficult to tell whether or not the missing-nin was being sarcastic but it was clear that he was supremely confident.

Sasuke had his own opinion on the sight of Kakashi's ultimate weapon. "Really I shouldn't even be surprised."

"Considering that he used it in the genin exam, no teme, no you shouldn't. I know you haven't activated yours yet and the Uchihas are a clan of one trick ponies and all, but you could at least try and be a bit observant on your own." Sakura mocked and for once Sasuke couldn't argue with her.

"Could the peanut gallery kindly shut the hell up with the sarcastic comments, I'd really like to kill to kill that old man sometime today." Zabuza growled, somewhat hypocritically all things considered, and assumed a battle stance. No simple feet when one is situated on the handle of one's giant sword.

The missing-nin didn't even waste time with a one liner before grabbing his sword's handle disappearing with a shunshin. Appearing again, rather dramatically, on top of the nearby lake. His Zanbatou now strapped across his back.

"Am I the only person around here who can't walk on water?" Sasuke asked irritated.

"I can't." Tazuna in a rather foolish attempt to break the ice and not get himself killed.

"Ah great. Anyone whose chances of being still alive at the end of the day aren't miniscule?" Sasuke bemoaned cruelly.

Kakashi might have actually laughed at that statement had he not been concerned with the sudden mystery of Zabuza's massive release of chakra.

A mystery which Zabuza soon solved; via the use of a single hand seal and four words. "Ninpou: Hidden Mist Jutsu."

"Not again." Kakashi mumbled under his breath. "Then it is Kirigakure's signature jutsu."

Kakashi tried to get a lock on Zabuza within the mist while the impossibly thick fog quickly covered the area, but he would have had better luck with a two normal eyes as the chakra seeping into the fog rendered his sharingan useless. Trying to find Zabuza's chakra was near impossible as the chakra infused mist made it so that his chakra seemed like it was everyone (4).

"Momochi Zabuza is an expert in the Sillent Killing technique. On the unlikely chance that anyone happens to notice him slitting your throat before you're completely dead, scream so everyone knows where he is."

"Great advice sensei." Sakura said sarcastically.

"I do what I can," Kakashi eye-smiled, "just stay still and try to keep that client alive. I want to enjoy torturing him after I kill Momochi."

"Assuming you can." A gruff and gritty voice rang out in all directions from the increasingly thick mist.

"Eight choices. Liver, lungs, spine, clavicle vein, neck vein, brain, kidneys, heart. Which one should I go after?"

"Is that a movie reference?" Kakashi asked genuinely curious, though he really should have been putting more effort into locating the jounin who wished to kill him.

"...What?"

"It's just that I've heard that before and I was wondering if the line was meant to be referencing something. I somehow doubt it's a case of 'great minds think alike' since the last person I heard say it is just so... different from a demon like you." Not that different actually but Kakashi had his rose tinted glasses on.

"It's not a reference to anything besides my own badassery!" Zabuza growled.

"... Yeah... sure. Well if you're not going to tell me-" Kakashi was cut off as the entire area was bombarded with some of the most powerful killing intent that Kakashi had ever felt.

Sasuke fell to his knees the second the killing intent hit him. Sweat pouring from his face.

Sakura lasted only a few more seconds.

"What are you two idiots doing?" Kakashi said breaking the two out of their own personal pieces of hell. "If I'd known you two were weak enough to be immobilised from a little bit of killing intent I would have done it myself and called it you two collateral damage."

The world was silent for what seemed like ages before Sakura burst out with grim laughter. "Like fuck! I am not going to let anyone, especially an idiot like you, kill me so easily." Sakura yelled pulling with herself up with monstrous strain of pressure and mad gleam in her eyes.

Sasuke growled at being showed up by a madwoman and pulled himself to his feet; screaming profanities all the way. "I am getting fucking tired of all this shit. Every single one of you freaks are a bunch of monsters. I'm going to make sure I outlive all of you and piss on your graves." Sasuke could almost hear the snap of sanity in the back of his head.

'What the hell is wrong with these people.' Zabuza thought as he watched the spectacle from his hiding place within the mist. 'If these psychotic genins are going to be so irritating I'll just have to remove them first.'

Even Kakashi was shocked when Zabuza appeared in the middle of Sakura, Sasuke and Tazuna. Had he wanted to Zabuza could have easily finished his mission right there by stabbing the the bridge builder, who had passed out within milliseconds of being hit by the killing intent, unfortunately he was a little occupied with murdering a pair of annoying genin.

"It's over." Was all Zabuza managed to say before Kakashi tackled him in the gut, making sure to knock Sakura and Sasuke as he did so.

Zabuza growled with fury as the kunai pierced his shoulder; or he would have had the Zabuza clone not exploded in a mass of water.

Likewise Kakashi would have cried out his dying breath when he was bisected by the real Zabuza's retaliation slash; had the two pieces of Kakashi's stolen water clone technique not exploded into water the same way.

'Oh come on.' Zabuza thought as Kakashi put a kunai to his throat.

"I win."

Zabuza began to laugh darkly at that. "You win? Should have known the Copycat-nin would be so conceited. You actually think you can defeat me with monkey-like imitations. Still your techniques are probably the more worthwhile part of you. What kind of jounin-sensei knocks down his own students while attacking his own students?"

"Not my fault they didn't get out of the way." Kakashi shrugged off the comment, wondering slightly why he was letting the enemy ramble on like this when he could cut his throat by now.

"Pathetic. So willing to let your comrades get hurt. I've killed countless people, women and children alike, but I can't stand people who would do that to their own allies, even insane genins...

'Is he... taking the moral highroad with me? He killed hundreds of potential Kiri ninjas before he even entered the ninja program. Not to mention he attempted a coup against his Kage.'

... I'll make sure your death is painful." In a flash and with the destruction of a water clone Zabuza and Kakashi's position had been switched. With Kakashi left looking a shock as the Zabuza he had be talking to turned out to be yet another water clone and with Zabuza holding a sharp object against Kakashi's neck. Though Zabuza was using his Kubikiribounchou rather than a kunai.

Kakashi barely managed to dodge Zabuza's attack. The impact of the air from so narrowly avoiding Zabuza's zanbatou was strong enough to be painful; it was still preferable to being hit with the blade itself. Unfortunately for Kakashi he wasn't about to get off so easily.

What followed next was a mess of jumps and rolls as Kakashi struggled to stay in one piece as Zabuza let loose a flurry of sword work.

Just as Kakashi was about to work out the pattern in the opposing jounin's attacks, or so he said, Zabuza suddenly substituted his powerful kenjutsu for powerful taijutsu and punched Kakashi in the stomach with enough force to send the konoha-nin flying into the lake.

More speedlines appeared as Zabuza moved behind Kakashi with a shunshin, his hands a flurry of activity as he did so. "Water Prison Jutsu!"

Kakashi barely had time for a 'nani?' before he was pulled from the lake and entrapped in a sphere of water. A personal prison, controlled by a single of Zabuza's hands.

"Don't even try to move, my water prison is inescapable, I just hope you can hold your breath for a while. I did promise to kill you slowly after all. In the mean time I think I deal with your crazy students." Zabuza threatened with a dark gleam in his eye, though Kakashi was rather nonplussed about the whole deal.

"That's fine with me, I did want to end them myself but if I'm going to die here then please... kill them in my stead." Kakashi eye-smiled as he gave his blessing for the murder of his students, though it didn't last long before his entire body felt pain as Zabuza increased the water pressure in his prison.

"Are you even capable of learning your lesson?" Zabuza growled.

"Not really." Kakashi admitted as his body was crushed slowly from all possible angels.

'For the love of... forget it, Water Clone Jutsu.' Zabuza would have face palmed had he not needed his free hand to cast his... hopefully last, water clone for the day.

The water clone formed on the lake's shore, mere metres away from where Sakura and Sasuke stood over Tazuna's unconscious body. "Y'know I almost feel sorry for doing this to you two. With a sensei like that, you've both probably suffered enough." The water clone spoke.

"What kind of pussy are you? Can't even kill children." Sakura mocked to the clone's face.

"Why would you say that?" Sasuke asked.

The water clone blinked in shock at the response before removing his massive sword, or more accurately water replica sword, off his back and levelled it in Sakura's direction. "On second thoughts; you're first."

"Bring it." Sakura smiled evilly.

The two rushed each other... and completely missed each other when both tried, simultaneously, to shunshin behind the other and stab their opponent in the back.

Effectively leaving the two staring at one another, several feet away.

The water clone attacked first but Sakura had the projectile advantage and embedded countless senbon in the clone's bare chest before the clone could cover the distance between them. Sadly Sakura only when the senbon hit her enemy in the chest did Sakura realise that poison coated senbon didn't really work on a moving mass of water.

The water clone finished covering the distance before Sakura could prepare a counter attack and sent Sakura crashing to the ground with a powerful kick. A few more kicks left the proud pink haired girl lying bloody and bruised in the dirt; holding herself in barely concealed pain.

Sasuke's plan was a bit more thought out.

Drawing the water clone's attention with a paper bomb hanging for a kunai he brought the clone charging at him... and right into a line of paper bombs hidden in the dirt.

A quick katon jutsu to ignite the explosive pieces of paper and the clone was enveloped in a wall of fire and debris.

If the plume of smoke and dirt hadn't obscured his vision Sasuke might have noticed the clone disappear half a second after the explosion. Sasuke definitely felt it when the clone reappeared, because the clone appeared behind him and bashed the genin over the head with the flat of his blade.

Sasuke dropped to the ground instantly, bleeding profusely from the side of his head.

"That's it? A stupid kunoichi and a weak shinobi. From all that back and forth before I had almost thought there was something special about these genins." Zabuza pointed his sword downwards at Sasuke's neck, poised for a guillotine style execution.

He was halted as Sasuke began to laugh manically from his place on the ground.

"Guess I hit him so hard he broke. Oh well." Zabuza let go of the handle of his zanbatou, letting the blade drop and sever the prone brat's neck.

However Sasuke had suffered injuries far worse than a head wound since joining Team 7 and rolled out of the way from the blade that seemed to move in slow motion. Sasuke wrapped a blood covered arm around the water clone's neck as the replica zanbatou hit the ground. In mass of pain and adrenaline he didn't notice the feeling of his Sharingan activating.

"Weak? Yeah I'm the weakest ninja here. My team are a bunch of psychopaths, how am I supposed to be stronger than these freaks. But I'm determined. Determined to live. I'll survive whatever you freak toss at me, even I go insane from it." Sasuke was laughing like the Joker himself when he revealed the paper bomb in his hand which he quickly slapped on the water clone's leg. The bomb was primed to explode in three seconds. Time aplenty to activate a new jutsu he had been learning.

"Ninpou: Lamp of the Fire God." The paper bomb exploded the same second the jutus activated. The jutsu expanded more chakra than Sasuke could safely spare on a good day but the effects were worth as the air around the paper bomb was transmuted into flammable gas. Turning the small controlled explosion into a grand plume of fire.

All eyes were on the water clone and Sasuke as the two were covered in fire. Sasuke was fortunate that he was already lying on the ground as it allowed him to skip 'stop' and 'drop and move right onto 'roll'. Sadly his attack had the same problem as Sakura's did.

"Weak **AND** stupid." The water clone growled the blazing fire destabilised its form but otherwise left the clone unharmed. "You can't poison water and you can't set fire to it."

"No," Sakura coughed out, along with a considerable amount of blood, "but you **can** poison the guy in control of the clone."

With Zabuza's attention on Sasuke and his firebombing he didn't notice Sakura hitting the arm which held Kakashi's prison with a small, precise and very much poisoned senbon needle.

Zabuza could actually feel the poison in his blood stream and, knowing that actually being able to feel poison probably meant said poison was particularly painful, knew that he had to act fast. Deactivating the water prison jutsu Zabuza retreated while Kakashi regained his senses and got some much needed air. Pulling the senbon from what he hoped wasn't a major artery he quickly pulled out a spare length of combat wraps, the things that were wrapped around his lower face, and wrapped them tightly around the top of his arm. Hoping that they would seal off the blood flow into his arm; preventing the poison from spreading.

"If I wasn't certain they did that coincidently I'd compliment them on their teamwork." Kakashi laughed as his students lay beaten and broken on the ground. Their water clone predator disappearing the same time his water prison did. Kakashi now stood on top of the lake and his body poised for combat. "Well then... what now?"

Kakashi growled and broke into a massive stream of handseals. Kakashi following not a second behind.

"Ox, Monkey, Hare, Rat, Boar, Bird, Ox, Horse, Bird, Rat, Tiger, Dog, Tiger, Snake, Ox, Ram, Snake,...

The muscles in Zabuza's right arm, the one in whose veins flowed painful poison, screamed at him as he worked through the handseals. Kakashi kept up with no such weakness. As both did so twin dragons of water rose from the lake.

... Boar, Ram, Rat, Yang Water, Monkey, Bird, Dragon, Bird, Ox, Horse, Ram, Tiger, Snake...

Beneath his combat wraps Zabuza's teeth were cleaned in pain. Even if he won this battle he wasn't sure if he would survive this poison. Haku was good but that pink haired girl must be a sadist.

...Rat, Monkey, Hare, Boar, Dragon, Ram, Rat, Ox, Monkey, Bird, Yang Water, Rat, Boar...

His mind was filled with images of Nagi and Haku... no, he would win this battle and he would survive this poison. He had things to live for.

So before the final Bird seal of the jutsu, Zabuza suddenly broke the jutsu chain and rushed forward. Leaving Kakashi stumbling to a halt, without someone to copy, and sending the, almost fully formed, water dragons collapsing under the force of gravity.

Zabuza brought his zanbatou up for a powerful killing blow. Since Zabuza's inexplicable change in tactics was too jarring for the sharingan; Kakashi was left a few seconds behind the world, unable to raise even a kunai in defence.

So why didn't Kakashi die?

Well, much to the woes of all the scarecrow haters, it was because Nagi wasn't out of seat of your pants rescues for the day.

"What's up sensei?" Nagi smiled, a white bunny under her arm and the massive zanbatou which threatened her sensei held in her demonic chakra infused left hand. "Sorry I'm late. The kami around are really friendly and just didn't want me to leave." The blonde babbled and Kakashi couldn't help but feel a bit happier. "Now I just got here, and really do mean 'just now', so beyond the fact that I blocked this sword I'm not really sure what's going on. Mind filling me in sensei." Nagi laughed keeping her attention on Kakashi for information, rather than say... looking around.

Kakashi eye smiled. "Of course Nagi-chan. We're currently involved in a life or death battle with the vicious, bloodthirsty, missing-nin from Kirigakure. The Demon of the Mist, Momochi-"

"Oji?"

"No Zabuza actually... wait! Oji!" Kakashi was confused was what he just heard and the Demon of the Mist letting his zanbatou fall to his side, well that didn't help with the confusion.

"Nagi-mei."

The world seemed to stop for the moment as the two stared at one another.

Nagi, with eyes the approximate size of saucers which looked like they were seconds away from unleashing a dams worth of tears, hugging that infernal white rabbit to her chest.

Zabuza, the infamous Demon of the Mist, was doing an impression of a deer caught in the headlights. Headlights that came from a cop car and shone directly on the bloody knife that he had used to brutally murder his wife and her lover.

"Oji, what's going on? Why are you attacking my friends?" Nagi pulled the white rabbit closer to her face, the rabbit whose tiny black eyes seemed to be staring into Zabuza's soul. Judging him.

Zabuza couldn't meet either's eyes and subtlety shifted his view to the crop of nearby trees where he knew Haku was hiding. 'Now would be a REALLY good time for an evac!' His mind screamed.

* * *

Haku couldn't help but laugh softly at Zabuza's shell-shocked expression. Likewise his heart couldn't help but break a little when he saw Nagi's teary eyes.

He reminded himself that this was all a necessary evil and hoped that Kyuyo would see it that way.

"Phase one, complete."

* * *

**Why did you make Haku evil?**

Not evil, just scheming... besides all the other characters in this story seem to be getting steadily more insane.

_Insaaaaaaaaneee__

Don't do that ever again.

**...Moving on last chapter you promised the readers 90% Zabuza in this chapter now I you suck at maths but...**

Oh be quiet. Technically I promised 90% **more** Zabuza and even without maths, my third most hated enemy, this chapter does have considerably more bandage face compared to last chapter.

**Fair enough. Out of curiosity just how long do you plan to make the readers wait till the next chapter of this crap?**

Well I am getting Arkham city soon so...

**...**

_... -_-_

Kidding I'll get right on just... DON'T HURT ME!

* * *

(1)- I had to make alcohol once; it was **supposed** to be wine, for a high school chemistry assignment, it... ended badly. Really, really, really badly.

(2)- Jutsi. Jutsues. What is the pural of jutsu? Eh, I'll just stick with jutsus.

(3)- Wait Tsunami is his biological daughter right, or is she his daughter-in-law, probably doesn't matter much but I'm going with biological daughter. Correct me if I'm wrong.

(4)- I get the feeling that I may have forgotten this last chapter but the Hidden Mist jutsu can fool the Sharingan for this reason but not the Byakugan. The more you know.


	6. Chapter 5

**Vicious Calm**

**Chapter 5- It Can Always Get Worse...**

**Before we begin I believe that we should get something out of the way first. It should have become apparent by now that the author for this fic is a complete and utter idiot.**

Ok idiot is going a bit far-

**You don't get to talk. You have been misspelling the title of this story for four chapters and a side story. What do you have to say for yourself?**

Uh... the sixth sick sheiks' sixth shape's sick.

**...**

_..._

I misspelled sheik didn't I?

**And sheep.**

Damnit! [Sigh] Anyway thanks to mwaetht for picking up on that error, it is indeed meant to be vicious (cruel, nasty, brutal, ferocious etc.) as opposed to viscous (thick, sticky, glutinous, gelatinous etc.). I've gone back and changed it.

**Which would be a completely different, possibly M rated, story.**

Why M rated?

**What do you think something called Viscous Calm would be about?**

I don't know for certain but for some reason I get the feeling that a slug would be heavily involved.

**I'm just going to end this conversation now before it gets weird.**

...Ok then (if anyone reading this feels like they don't know what's happening well... you're not the only one) since I believe I forgot to do this last time. Childishness disclaimer please.

_Cat-chan doesn't own Naruto or his eternal soul._

**Who does own your eternal soul out of curiosity?**

I sold it off to like six people on a timeshare basis but I can never keep track of who has at any one time.

* * *

"The tea is lovely." Sasuke raised his glazed ceramic cup as a black haired woman filled it with herbal tea poured from a pot.

"You're... welcome." The black haired woman known as Tsunami said, while she smiled as one of her guests drank his tea, it was quite obvious that she was highly uncomfortable. Namely due to the other house guests that her grandpa had brought back at sword point; not to say that this one didn't have serious issues. "Are you sure that you... how to put this... do you want any bandages for that horrific wound?"

"No I'm good." Sasuke answered raising his cup of tea with his left hand; a limb which happened to be covered in burned scar tissue.

"Your entire left arm is scorched." Tsunami stated as though that would prove to the now rather unhinged teen that he did indeed require rather immediate medical attention.

"Just leave him. If we're lucky he'll get an infection and stop troubling us." The pink haired girl seating two spots down from Sasuke spoke up; ending with a rather maniacal laugh.

Sakura was undoubtedly the most vocal of Tsunami's house guests but disturbingly not her most troublesome guest. That honour went to the one-eyed man who, supposedly, was the most experienced and intelligent ninja in this room. As should be clear the teacher here was not showing the maturity that should have come with his position.

Tsunami sighed deeply as Kakashi tried once again to assassinate one of the more amicable of her house guests Zabuza, who was apparently hired to kill her father in cold blood.

Zabuza glared the jounin down but somehow managed to restrain himself from killing the man, nearly bursting a blood vessel in the process, turning his attention back to Tsunami's final house guest sitting across the table from him. The only one who had yet to say a word, which judging from the way everyone seemed to react was neither a normal thing nor a good thing, a young blonde girl by the name of Nagi. Who had spent her entire time here seated between her pink and black haired teammates, watching her tea go cold while the deadly assassin-for-hire known as Zabuza, who was apparently her uncle, tried to explain why he never told her that he was a deadly assassin-for-hire.

Tsunami wondered to herself when this day stopped making sense.

"I also would like some more tea?" Tazuna sat at the head of the table holding his cup for a refill, all the while looking rather pleased that this whole ninja family squabble had detracted attention away from his failed fraud attempt.

Tsunami poured the rest of her hot tea over his head and, feeling much better, went off to brew some more while her father cried in pain and her son watched perplexed from the open doorway as the day's events unfolded.

Team 7, Tazuna and Zabuza had arrived at the bridge builder's house at nightfall none fully certain of the train of thought that had brought them there as much of the thought process had been internal. Shared between Zabuza, Kakashi, Sakura and Sasuke. It was possible that, between them, they could probably piece together the collective trains of thought that had brought them from trying to kill one another beside a lake to drinking tea and trying very hard to not kill each other... at least until someone worked out what exactly was going on. Sadly since their little sun Nagi was hiding away behind a cloud, having yet to say a word for hours now, none of the ninjas present wanted to talk to each other with sentences involving anything other than profanities (which came mostly from Sakura) and blame (which came mostly from Kakashi). Sasuke actually stayed quiet for the most part, opting mostly to drink tea and continue the slow process of losing his mind.

"Nagi if you'll let me explain myself there is a reason I never told you what I do for a living." Zabuza tried once more for a chance to plead his case and once more he was ignored by the one person he wanted to listen to him and was interrupted by the guy who was rising quickly to the top of his personal bingo book.

"Yeah I can't imagine why you wouldn't want her to know that you're a bloodthirsty demon of a man." Kakashi openly mocked Zabuza for the umpteen time that night and it wasn't even the worst one he had used. The worst one was when Kakashi had removed his bingo book and started to read aloud from Zabuza's entry. Never had Zabuza wanted to kill a man with a book more and he had wanted to kill a lot of men with a lot of books over the years. It was a surprisingly fun way to murder someone.

However he was trying to get Nagi to talk to him again; murdering her teacher was unlikely to get him back in her good books. Zabuza sighed deeply, why did being a good uncle have to be so complicated.

Zabuza managed to pull out reserves of patience and calm he wasn't even aware he possessed and was able to make another civil sounding plea. "If we can all ignore the cyclopean idiot for a moment I would like a chance to explain myself-"

"I would like it noted that when he says 'explain himself' he means 'bullshit out of his ass till everything is better'" Zabuza's plea though were once again cut short by yet another one of Kakashi's sabotage attempts. Which makes that one the 1.0 × 10100+1 of the night. Apparently the '+1' was the straw that broke Zabuza's proverbial back as soon as Kakashi finished his sentence with a mocking glare Zabuza slammed his forearm against the table. Breaking the sturdy wood table in two.

"If you don't shut that shit spewing hole you call a mouth I will shove that facemask down your throat and use it to clean out your gut!" Zabuza roared in rage, a roar which easily covered the cries of Tsunami when she saw her destroyed table, namely 'That was a family heirloom. You son of a bitch', sadly meaning that the assembled masses missed this uncharacteristic piece of swearing from the wave woman.

To Zabuza's irritation though the one person he wanted to balk was just eye-smiling. After all Kakashi had been waited for the missing nin to crack. "You see that Nagi-chan the true face of you Oji. A dark, angry, violent mercenary. The kind of man that only cares for blood money." It was at this point that Zabuza realised Kakashi's plan and how he had just mistakenly walked into it.

Kakashi smirked in triumph (at least it seemed it he did, with the mask and all it's a bit difficult to tell) while Zabuza could feel his anger deflating in defeat.

Despite how long the uncle and niece had been together, and despite the blonde's bouts of strangeness, Zabuza had never really 'lost his cool', as he would put it, and 'flipped the fuck out' as others would put it, around her. In her current, no doubt emotionally unstable, state... Zabuza didn't even want to think about what would happen...

"You guys are aware that Nagi's not here." Sasuke commented before taking a long sip of his tea.

...if she never speaks to him... if she can't even look him in the eyes ever- Wait what?

"What do you mean not here?" Kakashi said staring Sasuke down. To the Uchiha's credit he didn't balk at his teacher's stare. Hell he didn't even blink... it was kind of creepy.

"I mean that the space next to me that is empty should be occupied by a petite blonde girl."Sasuke said in bored tone between sips of tea. Waving his free hand in the empty space above the seat that Nagi used to sitting in, no one had a clue when she had left.

"When did she leave!" Zabuza shouted and asked at the same time. Rather redundantly as I had just said that no one had a clue when she had left. It's never a good sign when the characters and writer can't work together.

"I believe the writer said not one paragraph ago that no one knows." Sasuke answered Kakashi; at least someone's working with me. "Of course that doesn't mean he has to whine about it."

...You are so going in my bad books teme.

"The teme just sipped his tea in response." Don't narrate yourself!

"...Okay when you're done talking nonsense could you mind explaining why no one thought to mention this earlier." Kakashi glared darkly at Sasuke.

The Uchiha just shrugged. "Well I've got the excuse of my increasingly tenuous grip on reality and as for the witch..." Sasuke pointed a thumb in the pink haired girl's direction. Said girl was snoozing softly with her head on the table. It would have been a cute sight were it not for the random snatches of conversation she mumbled in her sleep.

"Nagi-chan stop trying to eat the arsenic... Nagi-chan please do not lick the semiconductor mixture... Nagi-chan those needles aren't toys put them back in the teme voodoo doll... Nagi-chan show me on the doll where Hinata touched you... no I don't need detailed descriptions... and I definitely don't need pictures!"

"...and so on with increasingly unsettling aspects." Sasuke was met stares of disbelief from both Kakashi and Zabuza. Quite possibly the only thing they had done in unison the whole night. Sasuke just shrugged off the stares. "What? Neither of us have had any lines for a while and it gets rather boring just watching you two argue."

Sasuke took another sip of his tea as he waited for the two jounins to collect their thoughts. Zabuza was the first to come to terms with what was going on and reacting by wordlessly walking to the nearby sliding door. Opening the door with enough force to cause permanent damage the door's structural integrity. He simply adjusted the zanbatou strapped across his back, crossed the porch and continued down the dirt road that led from the bridge builder's house and into town. Giving neither indication nor explanation of what he was doing.

Not that it was particularly difficult to work out what the assassin intended to do. "He's going to look for the blonde then." Tsunami said rather than asked though Sasuke still answered with a quick nod.

"Like hell he is!" Kakashi yelled, apparently having been broken out of his stupor as well. "If anyone's finding her it's me." With that Kakashi disappeared from sight in a shunshin, no doubt to make good on his promise to find Nagi.

"Are you going to help them?" Tsunami asked the black haired boy, more than a little desperate to get the rest of the psychopaths out of her house.

"Eventually." Sasuke said in a slow and methodical voice taking care to draw out every syllable. "But... It would be a shame to waste my cup of tea." As soon as he said this the Uchiha refilled the cup from the pot himself.

Tsunami sighed and debated whether waking the pink haired girl would get the boy moving or simply result in more property damage. 'Still,' she thought, 'with the worst two gone the day can't possibly get any worse... oh dear Izanagi why did I just think that?'

"Hey has anyone seen Inari lately?" Tazuna said as he walked back into the room, a fresh bag of ice covering his latest justly inflicted wound.

"Fucking hell!" Unlike the first time Tsunami had sworn that day everybody had heard it.

* * *

"This mission sucks." Nagi sighed deeply distraught, though her sigh was not nearly deep enough or distraught enough to be heard over the ramble that could be heard from inside the bridge builder's house. Nagi was seated on the patio, and even with the sliding door closed, the blonde could still hear her sensei and uncle fight. Not that she cared enough to comment on, or even listen to, the specifics of the fight.

Right now Nagi just wanted to be alone, not having to talk, hear or think about everything that happened today. She could ignore the sound of the fight easily enough but the gloomy looking kid in the stripped bucket hat that was staring at hear from his hiding spot was starting to get really annoying.

"Ya' need something?" Nagi asked, inclining her head in the kid's direction. Said kid reacted by retreating behind his hiding spot. A support pole that just wasn't wide enough.

"..."

"..."

The two remained in silence, ignoring the sounds of fighting inside the bridge builder's house, for several minutes until finally the kid spoke.

"I look an idiot right now, don't I?"

"Immensely." Nagi's voice was utterly deadpan, though inside she couldn't help but chuckle a little. "Are you going to sit down?" She asked the kid, patting the spot next to her on the patio. Said kid fidgeting for several seconds before eventually he dropped down on the patio. Legs hanging over the side like Nagi's were.

The two sat there for a while longer, neither speaking. Nagi because she didn't really have anything to say and the kid because... well he seemed to have lost his tongue for the moment. When the kid eventually did find it...

"MynameisInari!" The now named kid said in rapid fire, scowling and blushing as soon as he said it, instantly feeling really lame.

Nagi either didn't notice or didn't particularly care about his lameness or anguish and raised a hand in greeting. "Name's Nagi."

"As in windless?" Inari queried.

"Mow down actually. The Kanji's different." Nagi answered though Inari didn't really seem all that interested in her answer, his attention seemed to be focused on staring at the girl's offered hand in trepidation. Presumably wondering whether he should shake it or not. Eventually Nagi answered for him. Choosing option C, in other words she whacked him over the back of the head.

Lightly of course, though lightly for her still meant that Inari was knocked off the side of the patio.

"Wha-why would you do that?" Inari yelled. The boy cradled the back of his head in one hand but he was actually hurt more emotionally than physically.

"They say that everyone needs a good hit over the head every once in a while." Nagi answered matter-o-factly.

"Who says that?"

"I don't know... probably people who like hitting other people over the head. Still I think it makes a good point, everyone needs a kick-start now and then, and sometimes that kick-start just needs to be pain. Profound eh?" Nagi smiled for the first time since the impromptu reunion with her uncle. Had she been in a more contemplative state of mind Nagi would have noted that while she wanted to be alone the blonde couldn't help but feel better with company.

"Profound? I'm going to have to disagree on virtue on having rocks lodged in my backside." Inari moved in a more comfortable sitting position on the ground, picking rocks out of his... yeah let's go with backside.

"Bah you're no fun. Anyway is there something you wanted to say Inari or are you just trying to flirt with me?" Nagi question was calm and said with genuine curiosity.

Inari's answer was notably less calm and said with great panic. "W-w-w-where in the world would you get t-that idea!" Inari yelled and stuttered at the same time.

The blonde girl shrugged off the boy's panicked babbling. "Comic I read, guessing that's a no anyway. Not that it matters anyway I have a boyfriend."

Inari's babbling cut off immediately. "Wait really?"

"Well... sorta. There's a guy I like and I'm pretty sure he likes me but he's never asked me out. Not that I care really; personally I can't see a label changing our relationship much." Nagi spoke with a faraway look on her face. Oddly contemplative for the young girl.

"...Actually when I said 'Wait really?' it was more like a 'Wait really, aren't you like eight?' kind of thing." The glare Nagi gave the boy could have curdled milk and melted cheese.

"Please don't hurt me." Inari pleaded until Nagi dropped the glare. Once she did so though both fell back into the awkwardness, and weirdness, of their situation. Nagi stuck inside her own head and Inari still nervous over... whatever it was the kid wanted to talk about. It would be several more minutes of painful, for Inari at least, silence until the boy eventually managed to spit it out.

"Why are you here?" He said suddenly.

Nagi was surprised and confused at the question but putting excess thought in things was something she only did randomly so the girl just used her default plan. Altered a bit to read 'answer now; think later' as opposed to her usual 'attack now; think later'. "Well, our mission was to escort the old bridge builder guy who is your... relative?"

"Grandfather." Inari mumbled, only realised then that he didn't get around to finishing his introduction after the blonde hit him.

"...Right, anyway we're supposed to escort him and guard him while he builds the bridge for whatever reason. Though... I'm not really sure the safety of your grandfather is really at the forefront of everyone's mind at the moment. Sorry about that by the way things just got... complicated."

"No, that's for the best." Inari said, having suddenly become all gloomy.

"What you don't like your grandad?"

"... Not what I mean. You should all get out of here you still can otherwise you'll die."

Inari's tone was as dark and serious as he could be; which made Nagi yawning at his dire warning rather embarrassing.

"So there's going to be a fight then?" Nagi lazily rolled the idea around in her head. "That's cool I'm always up for a good fight."

Inari stood up like a bullet and looked Nagi straight in the eye. "There's not going to be a fight. There's going to be an execution!" Inari yelled at Nagi from less than a foot away. Though he probably shouldn't have been Inari was actually surprised when Nagi didn't even flinch; she just met his gaze.

The ruckus from inside the bridge builders house was, at last, shut out as the petite blonde girl stared at him with eyes that, while tired from the day, could not be have their innate liveliness fully dulled.

Eventually the girl smiled. Not a creepy smile, a sardonic smile or a joyous smile. Just a comforting smile. The kind that reminded Inari of his mother, only with much sharper teeth.

"Hey do you want to go for a walk." Nagi said, not asked.

"It's almost time for dinner." Inari said; more than a little confused about how this situation was progressing.

"Even if I did feel like eating. I... don't really want to go back inside tonight." Nagi said wearily and honestly as she stood up and began to walk towards the woodlands which surrounding the bridge builders house.

"You actually expect me to follow you?" Inari was starting to get really irritated with this girl who went ahead and decided things on her own.

He was about to tell her just that when the girl actually answered him.

Nagi didn't turn around to face him, but she did stop walking. "I've realised something while I was out here. I can't really keep things bottled up inside. I can't really feel happy unless I'm talking to someone. Suppose I'm just a people person by nature and when I have emotional issues it just gets worse. The thing is all the people inside are acting like baka, unable to shut up for a minute... they're my friends, my teacher and... And my 'family'. They're who I should be talking to about my problems at the moment but... I just can't. Not now..."

Nagi paused for a while and it looked to Inari like she put one hand on her stomach. Of course since she was standing a deal ahead of him and was facing the away from him; he couldn't say for sure. He just knew for certain that her next words were a lot more solemn.

"Even the person I talked to before anyone else. Before I even had anyone else. I person I trust the most isn't here. So," Nagi's voice hardened once again, "if I can't talk to anyone I know. Suppose I should just talk to a stranger."

"T-that explains why you wanted me to come. N-not why **I** should come." Inari tried to stand his ground, though for reasons he wasn't sure about he started to waver. There was really something strange about this girl.

Nagi answer his question once again, but this time she did turn around to face him. "You just looked like you've needed someone to talk to for awhile too."

Inari didn't have anything to say to that. He just walked over to Nagi's side and the two went for a walk away from watchful eyes and raised voices.

* * *

Speaking of watchful eyes some of our readers might be wondering what Nagi and Zabuza's shadows have been up to for the past few hours now. Well to answer that at this precise moment Haku and Kyuyo were in a secluded clearing, far enough that none of the ninjas holed up in or near the bridge builder's house would notice while two people had a private conservation. In another, more canon, reality it was where another Haku first talked with a different blonde Leaf-nin. In this, considerably less canon, reality Haku was spitting up blood and counting lost teeth while Kyuyo had him pinned by the neck. Most likely in preparation to crush that particular piece of flesh and bone into a bloody mess.

"Do you remember what I said frost boy." Kyuyo growled raising the bruised, battered, broken and bleeding Haku off his feet. Fingers tightening around the ice user's throat Kyuyo glared at Haku with pure crimson eyes. "I said if Nagi gets so much as a single wound or shed even a single tear I would kill you. Don't think I wasn't being absolutely serious when I said. Never think I'm not serious!" Kyuyo punctuated his sentence as a single hand slammed Haku's injured body into a nearby tree.

For his part Haku held back his body's natural desire to scream easily enough, as missing-nin he had numerous opportunities to practice, as it learned though holding back the blood that flowed freely from the growing number of gashes on his body was next to impossible. Well unless you had a jutsu for that. Haku put away a mental note to learn one when he wasn't in extreme pain.

His vision and hearing was blurred and ringing like the bells of hell but thankfully Haku didn't need those bodily functions at the moment. He just had to croak out his voice before Kyuyo slammed him into a tree for what seemed like the thousandth time today (frighteningly that number wasn't even that far off from reality).

"W-wait... let me speak...please." Haku had to speak between painful laboured breaths but he managed to get it out before Kyuyo lost whatever remained of his patience.

"...You have a minute." Kyuyo said with no small amount of malice and irritation. Still Haku took it as a sign that Kyuyo had yet to go utter feral berserker on him.

"I'm sorry... that Nagi was... was hurt... but it had to be done argghh!" Haku couldn't hold back his scream this time as his body was suddenly slammed into the same tree again. "That... wasn't a minute."

"Perhaps not, but it was a poorly worded twenty seconds." Kyuyo flexed his free hand, his fingers formed into sharp looking claws as he did so. "I'd say I'm sorry for what I'm about to do but honestly I never thought we got along all that well." The air began to crackle as tongues of sapphire flame formed across each of Kyuyo's claws burning bright and hot.

With a roar Kyuyo slammed the sharp, burning claws into Haku's head. Kyuyo's claws were embedded in the tree; the smouldering digits having vaporised the boy's face and skull.

Much to Kyuyo's fury though the liquefaction of Haku's face did not come with the satisfying smell of melted flesh, charred bone and broiled gray matter. Instead it came with little more than a column of steam.

Stumbling back as confusion hit Kyuyo's mind, a mind which was moving further and further into a feral berserker state, he dropped the remains of Haku's body which shattered as it hit the ground.

Roaring in rage Kyuyo punched the tree in frustration with his free hand, which had the effect of felling the massive tree and freeing the claw which had been stuck in it.

Shaking the free claw, this had already begun to revert to its more human and less sharp and dangerous state; Kyuyo scanned the area with his eyes searching for his lost prey.

"If you're curious I used an ice clone. You'd think a demon would have noticed when I did it but when you're angry you've never been particularly observant... or intelligent... or calm..." Kyuyo search ended itself rather quickly when the voice of his prey sounded out from behind him. "That's always been your problem though Kyuyo. When you're angry all thought goes out the window and you become unable to even see past your own nose. Do all the Biju have the same problem or is it just you?"

If Kyuyo's state of mind hadn't already descended so far in the way of feral he might have noticed that, in addition to escaping and leaving an ice clone in his place, Haku had encased the demonic teen's feet and lower legs in steel strength ice then Kyuyo probably wouldn't have tried to turn around as fast as he did.

CRACK!WHOMP!

The most of the ice, and all of Kyuyo's leg bones, broke as he twisted his legs in ways they were not designed to go and preceded to face plant the ground as soon after. Kyuyo was in a great deal of pain but beneficially, for Haku at the least, the pain seemed to result in Kyuyo recovering his insanity.

Keeping the mind that sanity was to be used as a relative term in regards to anyone in this story.

"Now then, are you going to keep trying to kill me?" Haku asked from the side of the clearing, opposite to where his ice clone had been shattered, resting against one of the many trees around the area and one of the few trees that Kyuyo hadn't damaged some way in the past hour of mindless rage.

Haku looked incredibly worse for wear, having spent the hour just barely keeping ahead of the red haired demon's fury, still despite his wounds the solider pills he had been taking like tic-tacs meant that instead of being slouched over breathing heavily he had a look of serene calm on his face. The heavy solider pill usage meant he'd been puking up something resembling blood tomorrow but for the moment he was fine.

"...No." Kyuyo growled pulling himself into a sitting position while he tried to force his bones into an anatomically correct position so he could begin to build them back to functional legs.

Haku knew that gave him maybe ten minutes. "Well then we've got time to talk without you smashing me or a clone into a tree. Still all the same I'm going to stay over here just in case."

Kyuyo growled.

"Enough of that!" Haku yelled at Kyuyo in a tone akin to one would use when hitting a dog over the nose with a rolled up newspaper. Instead of using a newspaper Haku flicked a senbon into Kyuyo's neck. "Now then while you're otherwise... in incredible pain," Kyuyo screamed as the senbon neck in a nerve ending, "if you didn't want to feel pain you shouldn't have made yourself a nervous system."

"In retrospect yes!" Kyuyo growled the appropriate punch line from between gritted teeth.

"Excellent, if you're well enough to make jokes then you're well enough to listen." Haku declared.

"Fine, but just so you know. This means that I will only enjoy burning the flesh from your bones that much more." Kyuyo replied with a dark expression.

"I'll keep that in mind. Now then Kyuyo, I understand that you're upset with what I did and how it affected Nagi."

"Of course I'm pissed, I said I'd kill you didn't I. I know you saw what happened at the lake. She burst into tears when she worked out what was going on! She cried for a full hour!" Kyuyo roared at Haku, pulling the senbon from his neck and crushing it with one swift movement. "I thought you of all people wouldn't want to hurt Nagi."

"You think I wanted to!" Haku roared quickly losing his composure as Kyuyo's words cut deep. The two exchanged volcanic heated glares. Haku was the one who eventually broke eye contact, deeply suppressed guilt surfacing. "I didn't want to do what I did but... drastic measures needed to be taken."

Haku leaned back against the tree behind as, for whatever reason, Kyuyo finally stayed quite long enough to Haku to explain his reasons.

"I told you that there are two people in this world that I wish happiness for. It is a goal that I have dedicated my life to and I will do any evil, short of genocide, to accomplish it..."

"It's good to see you had the forethought to exclude genocide. That's the kind of that comes back to haunt you."

"... Quiet, I'm in the middle of a reveal here." Haku cleared his throat with a cough. "Anyway, my plans are long term and when they come to fruition I can assure you that both Nagi-chan and Zabuza will be much happier and I can spend the rest of my life repaying Nagi for making her experience the pain of betrayal." Haku stood straight, crushing his quilt under the weight of his resolve. Fully onfident that the end would justify the means. "Once this is over Nagi-chan and Zabuza will no longer be a family who can only see each other when Konoha border patrols are lax."

Kyuyo expression was analytical, he was considering Haku's words but he was far from convinced. Haku's belief that the end justifying the means was an age old philosophy of his but if that was the case here then Kyuyo needed to know exactly what 'end' frost boy's scheme was working towards. "What is your end game Haku? You'd better have a good reason for making my Nagi-chan cry."

Haku nodded in reluctant agreement, while he might not like it this wasn't a situation that he could skirt around if his plan was going to work. "My goal is one I have had for a number of years. Something that I truly believe would be best for everyone. Only these events have worked together to provide the opportune means to..."

"Get on with it."

"... My goal, Kyuyo-san, is to remove Zabuza from the harsh and ultimately futile life of a missing-nin working towards an uprising and bring him and Nagi under the same roof, like a family should be."

"Wait a minute... you're going to get Zabuza to live with Nagi... in Konoha!"

Haku ignored Kyuyo's attitude, shock was merely a sign of lack of faith.

"Nagi needs a father figure in her life, one that's not on the road all the time killing merchants and bridge builders for loose change. Zabuza needs a reason to climb out of the grave he's spent years digging for himself. Everyone needs to love and be loved in return, but that's not something that can properly happen with their current lifestyle."

"You actually think this is possible. Have you considered the logistics of this in the slightest? What about the Hokage for one, that old bastard could probably kill Zabuza with one jutsu."

"Judging by what I've heard from both you and Nagi the Hokage treats Nagi like a granddaughter. If all else fails she can... cute up a citizen for Zabuza..."

"And you I suppose?"

"...Naturally. Aside from that Zabuza is a skilled Jounin who can be, somewhat, respectful to authority when he wants to. It's not like missing nin haven't joined rival Hidden Villages before."

"If it's such a simple matter why not just tell Zabuza that?"

"Oh I've left plenty of hints over the year, right up to tattooing the idea on his arm. Unfortunately stubbornness is a trait that both Zabuza and Nagi share so closely, and in such an exorbitant amount, I wonder if they actually are blood related. Don't get wrong I care for both of them deeply but they're like bulls. You don't suggest things to them, you write it on a red flag, wave it in their face and get the hell out of the way when they charge. Unfortunately they are human so there will be a deal of sulking and avoiding the issue, but sooner or later things will come to a head, feelings will come out into the open and everyone will come out of this for the better..."

"Can't you just get them to see a psychiatrist?"

"Mental health professionals in ninja country? I swear you always try to do things the hard way Kyuyo. No, all we can do now is keep them close to each other so they can't run away and solve this conflict sooner rather than later."

"We?" Kyuyo narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"Pride is for Samurai, it is a poor trait for a ninja. I admit that I'll need help with this and I know you want Nagi to be happy as much as I do..."

Kyuyo's expression was difficult to read but Haku took the fact that he wasn't trying to kill him as a good sign.

"...I think of Nagi as much of a little sister as I do a cousin and to be frank had I only met you yesterday, and you weren't an unholy powerful chakra monster, I would have pulled the protective elder brother trope so badly they wouldn't have even been able to find all the little pieces. However... I think it's obvious that you're good for Nagi and love her a great deal. Thus I humbly request your assistance." Haku ended with a deep bow, as he said pride is a poor trait for a ninja.

Kyuyo was silent for a while, his face contemplative as his mind raced in thought, until finally. "All right."

Haku didn't smile, on the outside at least, inside he was cackling manically. "All right?"

"I'll help you bastard. Suppose you and bandage mouth aren't the worst people Nagi could be hanging out with; at least compared to the current crop of psychos she calls friends. I just...I just have one request."

"Which is?" Haku's internal cackling dimmed, though it didn't come close to stopping, as his curiosity peaked wondering what the immortal chakra monster could want. He already had rum, ramen and a blonde (graded in that order from least awesome to most adorable) after much observation Haku had concluded that the fox demon didn't have much else on his mind.

"Tch! It pisses me off to no end to ask but... A scheme for a scheme..."

Haku became even more curious.

"...I... I want to be real."

"... Well I can't give you her number but may I suggest the Blue Fairy."

"Not like that you idiot! Well... actually sorta like that. You see around Konoha I'm in some of a strange situation, you see Nagi's friends know my name..."

"I'm aware of your situation, as far as tools in the shed go Nagi's something like the chainsaw. Not very subtle, not all that sharp, immensely effective and most of all very, very loud. I can't honestly imagine them not hearing about you. To my understanding though they think you're like the kami, a fantasy at best, and a delusion at worst. Honestly seeing as how you're the demon that destroyed their homes and killed their loved ones it probably for the best that they think of you as an imaginary friend."

"I don't care! I've known Nagi the longest and I know her the best..."

"I get the feeling that there plenty of people who would disagree with you on both parts there but go on."

"That's the damn problem. With all these people around her nowadays I barely get to spend any time with her outside the seal. If that wasn't bad enough the entire blasted Hyuuga family is either fawning over her or making goo-goo eyes. It's just rrrghh!"

Kyuyo's rant quickly began to dissolve into incomprehensible rage at this point so Haku had to try and get the teen back on track.

"I hope you reasons extend beyond pettiness and jealously over her friends."

"It does," Kyuyo sighed and looked around, Haku wasn't sure if he was avoiding eye contact or making sure no else was around to hear, probably both "I want to date Nagi and m-maybe one day...m-m-marry her..."

Haku had to psychically restrain the urge to laugh out loud at the way the fearsome Kyubi no Yoko could get so flustered. No doubt the teen was imaging Nagi in an adorable little wedding dress... that or the honeymoon. 'Thinking on it I'll have to make sure the two don't elope before Nagi turns eighteen at the least.'

"... a-anyway the thing that pisses me off the most is that I can't do any of that if her friends can't see me, let alone accept me."

Haku put a hand to his chin, serving the dual purpose of making him look deep and contemplative and wiping some dried blood off his face. "Well it's certainly good to see you taking the mature route, I half expected you to have slaughtered everyone in the village and spirited Nagi off to some far off land."

"I swear the thought never occurred to me." For some reason Kyuyo began to sweat bullets. Haku, wisely, ignored it.

"Right... Anyway your request, it's a bit of a tall order. You're basically asking me to stop people who have every reason to hate you so you can eventually marry Nagi-chan, an act which would no doubt give many of them much more reason to hate you. You really can't do things the easy way."

"It's not like I'm expecting this to happen overnight."

"Good because you proposing to Nagi-chan tomorrow suffice to say, probably not the best idea at this particular moment." Kyuyo went as crimson as his hair and once again Haku had to stop himself from laughing like a hyena. "Fortunately for you I am both remarkably patient and very good at what I do. I'll help you, but obviously I won't be able to do much until Zabuza and I get into Konoha."

"Right."

Haku and Kyuyo exchanged no solemn oaths or blood covered handshakes but the unspoken deal between them might as well have been a pact with the devil. Even though it was a bit difficult to tell just who the devil in this circumstance was.

"Before we get started I just have one question." Kyuyo said suddenly.

"Yes?"

"That rabbit that's been by your feet for a while now... what's the deal with that thing?"

"Rabbit?" Haku looked down at his feet and found a small white rabbit with big black eyes staring back at him. Big black soulless eyes carrying with them the endless eternity of the void within... It was quite a disconcerting stare. "Ah... That's Me."

"Me?"

"It's a rabbit I capture a little while ago for Zabuza to use for replacement jutsu."

"I figured that but... Me; as in eyes. Why would you call it that? Hell why would you call it anything animals used for purposes like that don't really last long."

"Short story. Since I caught it, neither Zabuza nor I have ever seen him blink and no matter how many times the rabbit has seemingly died he always comes back the next day, staring."

"...Creepy."

"You have no idea." Haku shivered remembering all the times he had woken up from a particularly horrible dream, often involving his mother and father, to find the rabbit on his chest, staring at his soul.

"Anyway that's not really my issue, but didn't Nagi pick that rabbit up."

"Come to think of it, yeah. She had it with her when she went into the bridge builder's house. She was holding onto him pretty tightly." Haku looked down at Me he began to get quite worried and for once it wasn't because of that infernal rabbit's stare. "Kyuyo how long until you can walk?"

"I could walk ten minutes ago." Kyuyo appeared next to Haku suddenly, leaning down to pick the rabbit up by the scruff of its neck.

"Well then..." Haku stepped away from the tree and walked to the middle of the clearing, where his Hunter-Nin mask laid. Having being knocked from his face with one of Kyuyo's initial attacks. There was a hairline fracture running from the right eye hole to the cheek, looking like a scar on the mask, but it was otherwise intact. Placing it on the face Haku crouched down and spread his senses as far as he could. "... Can you run?"

"I can teleport for the love of all things unholy; the question should be what's the problem?"

"Suffice to say things just went to hell."

* * *

"So where did he get a cat from?"

"Not a clue."

Inari wasn't sure just how long he and the quite probably insane blonde girl had been walking for. He did know that they had spent the entirety of that time talking.

The two had shared their lives and their problems. He had told her about Gato taking control of the Land of Waves and how his stepfather and long time father figure, Kaiza had been... made an example of. Nagi in turn had told him of her life, specifically, all the people and events she probably wasn't allowed to talk about.

Kyuyo; her apparent boyfriend and demonic passenger. Haku; her older cousin... or brother she didn't seem to understand the difference between the two. They were all family to her. Most importantly, for the current situation at least, her uncle and own father figure Zabuza who recently turned out to be a violent mercenary.

Strangely, as far as Inari could tell, the girl's problems with him didn't seem to stem from the fact that he was a mercenary. Inari thought back to that part of their conversation. They had just been talking about Kaiza and the sacrifice he had made. Inari had been made to realise the importance of what his stepfather had did in protecting his precious people. Nagi had promised to cut Gato in two for Inari and Kaiza.

Once they had shared a laugh at the thought of Gato's brutal execution Inari had realised that with all the information that had come from Nagi's mouth, she actually had yet to mention what he was really quite curious about. Her uncle.

It had taken him several minutes of pestering the blonde girl until she eventually broke. "I met Zabuza and Haku when I was seven, not long after that soul summoning thing I told you about earlier..."

"By the way... should you have actually told me about that? I mean, it just feels like a lot of the things I've learned about I should have been killed for knowing."

"...Yeah probably, anyhow Kyuyo and I were hiding out in the Forest of Death."

"The What?"

"It's this really big forest in the outskirts of Konoha, kinda far from populated areas, I'm pretty sure it's just a name though. So Kyuyo and I were hiding from... actually I think I'll draw the informational line at why we were there it's kind of..."

"Embarrassing?"

"I was going to say highly incriminating... Oh don't give me that look. Back to the story, we were walking around the forest when I saw a camp. Kyuyo wasn't really up for checking it up but he's never been able to stop me when I see something interesting and/or shiny. So naturally I rushed off to see who was camping and was nearly decapitating as a result."

"Decapitated!"

"Well obviously I dodged otherwise I wouldn't be here telling the story. Honestly who's ever heard of a zombie ninja?"

"I met a zombie pirate once (1), a while ago. Then again who hasn't when you live on the coast, what with that dreadfleet and all?"

"...Dreadfleet?"

"It's not as weird as it sounds. I mean, it's weird but not as weird as you'd think. Forget it, what happened next?" Inari leaned closer expecting some great tale of battle.

"Well... I'm not sure." Nagi shrugged and Inari face planted the ground. "Yeah it was like that, when I was dodging the sword I tripped over and blacked out. Next thing I remember Kyuyo was holding me away from a big guy with an awesome sword and a small boy with some senbon. They were hungry, and slightly burnt, so told Kyuyo to stop picking on them and offered to share some instant ramen from my emergency stash and the rest, as they say, is history..."

"...That's it."

"You asked me how we met and I told you."

"Shouldn't there be more of a back story to this."

"Oh there's plenty but most of happened after I met my Oji which was all you asked, it's not my fault I was unconscious for most of it. If you want a better version you should probably ask someone else."

"Why are you so attached to him then? Doesn't sound like you had all that great of a first meeting."

"Five years."

"Huh?"

"I've known Oji for five years. I'm sure everyone I know could tell you great stories about how we met but I prefer to remember the time I've spent with everyone as whole. Is that weird?"

"It doesn't make you normal that's for sure."

Inari sighed, his mind now back in the present. He had talked to Nagi a lot and knew far more things about her than he wanted to. Sure the girl was like an open book, but the book was written by a mad man and in six foreign languages. Just because she laid out her history didn't make her mind any less of a mystery, a mystery he was sure none had worked out.

Inari looked up to the night sky; the moon was full and at its highest point. They had been gone for a long time. 'There are probably people out looking for us by now...' Inari thought and sighed loudly, getting Nagi's attention. "It's time to go back." Inari stated.

Nagi closed her eyes and breathed the night air deeply before nodding. "Yeah, I need to talk with some guys..."

Inari smiled, an act which literally minutes before would have felt wrong and unnatural to him.

The two stopped walking and Inari tried to work out which way would take them back to his house. Out of the two of them he would have the best chance which navigating them to his house, and sadly not only because Inari had the home field advantage. If this was Konoha's surrounding forests only the local kami would have prevented Nagi from being lost for days.

Still Nagi had skills in other areas which is no doubt why she noticed the approaching mob before Inari even heard the footsteps.

Footsteps surrounding them on all sides.

A circle of forty large, dangerous and dirty looking men glared at the two, malicious expressions on their faces and weapons in their heads. Inari shrunk behind Nagi even as she stepped in front to guard him.

Not that a single point guard formation would do much good with potential attackers on all sides.

The largest man and the leader judging from the fact that his armour and weaponry, presumably pillaged from a fallen samurai, was of better quality and maintenance than the others. Despite his appearance when the grizzled bulky man spoke his voice came out far too high to be anything short of ridiculous. "Hihihihi! So theeeseee are the brats Gato wants us to take hostageee! Theereee's nothing I loveee more than eeeasy moneeey! Hihihihihi!"

Nagi crouched in a battle position. Left hand; flat on the ground. Right hand; hovering over the scroll strapped to the back of her flak jacket.

"Hihihi! Blondieee wants to play!" The mob leader pointed a relatively clean katana at the little blonde girl. "Leeet's play theeen!"

The mob charged at the pair. Had Nagi been a different kind of ninja she would had shunshined herself and Inari out of the middle of the mob and let them enemies crash into each other.

Of course this was Nagi so her tactics were considerably simpler. Namely kill them all.

As the thugs charged Nagi she, in one swift motion, pulled out her scroll, unravelled it, and pumped chakra into a seal on the scroll. A burst of smoke exploded from the page. Surprising a few thugs who stopped in their path. Only to be cut down as Nagi drew her massive cleaver like zanbatou from the smoke and swung it in a half circle. Taking care not to hit Inari who she, luckily, remembered was still behind her.

She didn't have time to rest on her laurels though. Quickly flipping around to take out a thug who was bearing down on Inari. This time though she tackled the, somewhat shell-shocked at the point, boy to the ground allowing her to utilise a full circle slash without fear of lopping off her new friend's head.

Which she did, felling six thugs and grievously wounding another two. After seeing no less than eleven of their friends taken down in two rapid attacks the remaining thugs retreated for fear of their own health.

Nagi intended to capitalise on this and positioned her zanbatou sword over her back and crouched down again. Planning to rush and bisect the closest thugs while they were distracted with fleeing for their lives. Only to have to quickly switch into a defensive stance when a number of thugs, who had been hanging at the back of the mob, suddenly stepped out from behind their compatriots, brandishing crossbows.

Nagi spun her zanbatou over her and Inari's heads when the thugs fired their projectile weapons.

The technique knocked a good number of the crossbow bolts but it didn't stop the projectiles from some of the smarter thugs who had dropped to one knee and aimed low beneath the blade's arc.

"Aaargh!" Inari cried out as a bolt pierced his calf muscle. Fortunately, in a way, the pain didn't last long having been dulled by the potent sleeping toxin that coated the bolt.

Nagi had better luck, not in that she avoided getting hit, as in fact she got three bolts in her sword arm. Rather she was lucky in that the toxin had little to no effect on her and she had more experience in dealing with crippling pain.

Keeping her sword poised from another defensive swing Nagi moved closer to Inari and pulled the bolts from her flesh with her free hand and tossed them into the nearest line of archers. Giggling as the three bolts struck one of the smarter archers in the lung. Though she only giggled for a few seconds before she realised that the wounds in her arm where healing a lot slower than they should have, she had forgotten that without Kyuyo her healing factor was considerably lessened.

Before the archers could reload or the thugs could recover their nerve Nagi stepped forward and blew a large stream of searing steam that she had been building in her lungs directly into the mob. Anyone who wasn't horrifically scolded retreated, or just outright ran screaming, into the trees.

Maintain the jutsu Nagi swept the stream of steam across enemy lines, relishing the men's screams of fear and pain a lot more than was probably healthy.

Problem was that not all of the thugs were quite so cowardly, or bad at dodging, and had circled behind the blonde. Nagi avoided the attempted backstab from a pair of sword wielding thugs but the surprise had cancelled her jutsu and nearly choked on it for good measure. Coughing up puffs of steam.

Raising her sword for another half circle slash, she also mentally noted to come up with names for her sword techniques, Nagi suddenly looked past her immediate enemies and saw Inari, still groggy from the toxic bolt, and the thug standing over him. A large iron war-hammer poised to cripple the boy.

Nagi ploughed through the remaining thugs in front of her, only to have her zanbatou lodge itself in one of the thugs chest, forcing her to let go of her zanbatou rather than spend valuable seconds tearing it from the unfortunate thugs ribcage.

But she made it in time to defend Inari from the attack, unarmed and with lessened healing ability.

The result... wasn't pretty.

CRUNCH!

* * *

"She was here..." Haku said as he stood up from examining the large patch of congealed blood that covered the ground. Small but numerous pieces of iron were spread throughout the mess. A long metal handle lay abandoned not far away.

A war-hammer he concluded, its head must have shattered with its final attack but still dealt a gruesome blow.

Haku had a pretty good idea about who the weapon had been used on; he deeply hoped he was wrong though. "... Though, that should be obvious." Haku looked over to where Kyuyo was standing over one of the many corpses that littered the area.

What made this particular corpse different from the others was the sword that had been left impaled in its gut. Nagi's zanbatou, Haku could still remember the joyous look on her face when Zabuza had given it to her on the first birthday they had celebrated with her.

Kyuyo grabbed the handle of Nagi's prized sword, he didn't say a word and from this angle Haku couldn't see the demon teen's expression.

Haku sighed looking over the scene of utter carnage that his tracking skills had led them to. They were too late though, the battle had been fought and the outcome was obvious.

"Gato's men. I recognise a few of them and besides..." Haku looked over head at the buzzard which circled the sky, barely visible in the night. "...I don't know anyone else around here that would leave his men to rot in the forest."

"She's still alive."Kyuyo said, gripping the handle of Nagi's zanbatou tighter.

"How...?" Haku almost asked how Kyuyo could know for sure but he bit his tongue. Kyuyo would know he wasn't certain about any supernatural bond between the two but at the least if Nagi had died Kyuyo the ninth tail of his chakra she had would have returned to him. Instead he asked. "In what condition?"

The corpse that Nagi's zanbatou was stuck in began to sizzle and Kyuyo's chakra flowed unchecked turning the sword molten red with heat. Haku quickly disappeared in a sheet of ice which was vaporised, along with the corpses and several small trees, as a crimson inferno sprung forth from Kyuyo's body.

As the fire subsided Haku stepped out from behind one of the trees which had merely been blackened rather than decimated. He saw Kyuyo, standing in the last remaining licks of fire, swing over his shoulder as he turned around. His eyes were fully crimson, much like his feral mindset, but his face showed signs that he retained a cruel intellect. This really was much more terrifying than any feral state.

Also somehow the rabbit Me, which had been on Kyuyo's head for some time, had survived the sudden inferno but that wasn't really important at the moment.

"Haku I'm assuming you know where Gato keeps prisoners." Kyuyo's voice was nothing short of malicious.

"There was a guided tour when Gato first hired us." The ice user had a fairly good idea of what Kyuyo had in mind.

The teen narrowed his crimson eyes. "Good."

* * *

**Is it just me or is this chapter vaguely serious?**

Only vaguely.

**Why?**

I don't know it just kinda went in that direction, there's still funny in there.

**Ok then. Now there's something you wanted to talk about.**

Oh yes one or two issues some reviewers raised. So I figured I do a Q and A like thing. Uh... [Rustles around in a stack of paper]. Ah! Here we are. You read. I'll answer.

**Why?**

I can get Childness to read if you want?

_:)_

**...Pass us the paper. Even I wouldn't inflict that upon anyone.**

_:(_

**You know you don't have all that many actual questions on here.**

Just read it.

**Chishiokage thinks that the plural of jutsu is just jutsu, which makes sense if you consider that it's a Japanese word.**

True in retrospect I probably over thought that last chapter. What else, they said this fic seems like a story that doesn't go anywhere. Well shockingly I do a plot in mind; however convoluted it may be, up until shipunden. Of course I'm only just starting to crawl towards it.

**Next Another reviewer noted that the story lacks balance. Specifically Sakura is immature, Nagi is an idiot and Sasuke is the only sensible one... I getting the feeling that they aren't going to like this chapter all that much. **

I can't really disagree with you and saying this is comedy would just feel lazy so I'll say there will be character development with Sakura at least. Nagi is going to be an idiot for as long as I'm writing this though, it's just more fun to write that way.

**Violettruth... TACO BELL?**

TACO BELL!

**...That was important enough to write.**

I like tacos and I know by experience that America has fantastic Mexican food. Though I question whether Taco Bell is where you find it.

**Hot dog285. Offers to teach you math if you get chapters out quickly.**

I certainly appreciate but thankfully math is no longer my problem! [Happy dance]

**He graduated high school and thinks that he doesn't have to do maths anymore. I don't have the heart to tell him that his Business course will likely involve considerable maths... Well that's not true I do have the heart to tell him I'm just waiting until it's funniest.**

What was I doing again?

**Don't know. Mwaetht... Wait you already addressed this. Remember I called you an idiot.**

The other question.

**How often do you update? I can answer that. Not very.**

I was better than last time. But yeah, I have a real problem with this.

**You have a lot of problems thankfully I don't have to deal with them right now because this chapter is done.**

Jamata.

_Ba-bye^_^_

* * *

(1)- Hey if ninjas exist in the world then theoretically zombies and pirates have to be somewhere. It's just logical.


	7. Chapter 6

**Vicious Calm**

**Chapter 6-... But That Doesn't Mean It Will Get Better**

**Good to see you spelled the title right this time.**

I do what I can.

**Really because I thought you just set auto-correct to change any instance of viscous to vicious.**

How many times am I going to need to type viscous?

**You mean aside from the last two lines?**

Yeah that was kind of annoying but I still maintain it's the smarter option. I find it's better to trust a computer than my brain whenever possible.

_Yay for spell-check :)_

**I'm surrounded by morons.**

So you're the part of my brain that keeps saying that certainly makes sense. By the way you mentioned there were more...things like you guys. Out of curiosity which is the one of my brain that keeps saying 'I'm surrounded by psychopaths' because that just seems hypocritical?

**[Shudder] You don't want to know. **

_Trust Cynicism-chan on this Ain't nice__

Okay...Well um this chapter marks the end of the Land of Waves arc and at approximately 13,800 words it's also my longest chapter yet.

**The fact that it didn't take you half a year to release it is a miracle unto itself.**

I'm quite pleased with that fact. University assignments didn't do much to help though.

**Whine again and I will assault your mind with Britney Spears.**

_Weren't ya going to do that anyway._.?_

**Fair point there.**

What? What!

**Well then on to the chapter. Childishness disclaimer.**

Hang on!

_Cat-chan owns nothing Nothing I say(!)_(!)_

**She's been experimenting with emoticons.**

Don't ignore me you pieces of-

* * *

Nagi gritted her teeth and narrowed her eyes. A low guttural growl came from her throat as she once again struggled against her bonds.

A pair of handcuffs.

A set of stocks with iron reinforcement.

Eleven six pin heavy duty locks.

A rock lashed around her neck.

An approximate six metres of chain; looped in such a complex fashion that it would have been easier to untangle that mess of Christmas light you left in the bottom draw and forgot about. You know the ones.

Topped off with a paper charm used to weaken evil spirits. Which really only served to make her mad but as the guy who put it on would argue. She hasn't broken out yet. The primary logic apparently used in the entirety of these bindings.

Though to be fair she hadn't broken out yet. She did strangle that one guy with the loop of chain attached her handcuffs but she hasn't broken out. Not for lack of trying either.

Across from Nagi, in the wet, cold and cramped room they called a cell, laid Inari. Only one set of handcuffs and a loop of chain had him bound. Not that it mattered at this moment, as the potent knockout drug he had been hit with last night had yet to lose its effect.

She would have called it a long-lasting drug but Nagi honestly didn't know just how long the two had been in cell. She had slept for a time but the lack of windows in the cell meant Nagi didn't know if she had awoken during the same night or if she had slept until the next day. Even then she hadn't thought to keep count of long since then, more occupied with trying to break free of her bonds.

The girl couldn't even know for sure how long it had taken her to recover from her injuries, the path of blood from the door to where she was now told her just how gruesome they had been. Even so it was clear from the battle before that her healing rate was slowed to a crawl without Kyuyo.

The blonde's struggling stopped as she thought about her crimson haired companion. Perhaps if Kyuyo had been with her in that fight...

"No!" Nagi's eyes assumed a demonic appearance of their own. Her whisker marks darkened and deepened as her face hardened.

Kyuyo was her oldest friend.

Kyuyo was her confident.

Kyuyo was her boyfriend (even if she didn't fully understand what that entailed).

But Kyuyo was neither her crutch nor her tool. He was not some weapon to be used or a battery to be drained.

Nagi was certain that it would better, for both of them that she became a powerful ninja on her own. Nagi wouldn't have to pray that he rescued her all the time and Kyuyo would have the kind of freedom he deserved.

"I will become strong, I won't stop trying!" Nagi punctuated her oath with an almighty heave against the chains.

With the adrenaline rushing around in her head she didn't even hear the metallic crack of chain links fracturing.

* * *

"Good lord my eye!"

"Stay still and I'll do a lot worse to you!"

"Why would that make me want to stay still?"

"Just shut up and die."

"I thought you wanted me to stay still."

"..Die!"

"Oh you don't know what you want."

"Sakura please stop trying to kill him and Sasuke please stop giving her reasons to kill you. I've already lost a table and a son; I am not going to hide a corpse in the vegetable garden.

As the sun shone on the bridge builder's household chaos reigned. Not the fun kind of chaos either.

Sakura was in a blind rage.

Sasuke was frantically trying to stay out of her range of attack, not an easy task by any measure, and much more importantly, make sure he didn't spill his tea.

Tsunami was calling for an end to the madness, lest it add more items to the list of things she had to clean and/or repair.

Tazuna was curled up in the corner, wondering what hell he had unleashed upon the world.

This scene would probably make more sense if we have a little illumination; to that end let us return to dawn when things were a lot calmer and lot less life threatening.

Sasuke was quite relaxed, despite displaying some troubling signs of insomnia, having not had a wink of sleep last night for any readily apparent reason.

Tazuna was just waking up, having slept very well, despite the fact that his grandson was missing, he couldn't really blame the boy from wanting to get away from the mess last night had been.

Tsunami on the other hand had been pacing all night, caught between going to look for her son and what would happen if she left these three at home.

Sakura was... still asleep, she hadn't ended her sleep talking, but every else had just learned to filter her words out, if she had remained asleep thing might have been well.

Unfortunately Tsunami's fears had been well founded as Tazuna soon did something remarkably stupid.

"Hey I'm going to work. Is it too much to ask you two to come guard me?" Tazuna tried to make the ninjas make good on a contract that he was lucky they had mostly forgotten about.

Well actually that wasn't the remarkably stupid. It was stupid sure but it wasn't remarkably stupid. The remarkably stupid thing was that he addressed his question to Sakura, she being the alpha bitch out of the two, and then proceeded to tapped her on the shoulder.

It was an act which served to wake the pink haired girl up.

Tazuna was knocked across the room for it, mostly because Sakura had an ingrained attack sense which made her lash out at anything non-blonde whenever she wake up. Her alarm clock was kept on the other side of her room for this reason.

The real trouble came when Sakura had wiped the sleep out of her eyes, and the blood off her knuckles, and noticed that Nagi wasn't seated next to her anymore. Didn't even notice that Zabuza and Kakashi were gone also but that was probably for the best.

To her credit she only thought that the blonde had gone to the bathroom or to have a shower.

Against her credit she still jumped to her feet, intent on keeping an eye on the blonde at all times.

However disturbing and obsessive her intentions might have been her search was quickly over as Sauke calmly explaining that Nagi had been MIA since last night, having disappeared while Sakura had been asleep.

A few seconds later, when Sakura's brain had fully registered that information, she did the first thing that came to her mind.

She blamed Sasuke and attacked him accordingly.

Half an hour later and we have reached this point. With Sasuke cornered (the corner opposite to the one that Tazuna was still bemoaning in) and Sakura was deliberating whether to cut his throat or castrate him.

She had just decided to do both (castrate then cut of course) when Tsunami stepped between the two.

"For the last time, stop it! You can't kill your teammate." 'Not in my house at least' She left that last part unsaid for the sake of her reputation.

"Give me one good reason." Sakura was seeing red and had no intention to listen to the older lady's answer but she wasn't psychotic enough to kill a civilian to get to her target just yet. She was however psychotic enough to throw a civilian across the room; she just lacked the strength to do so without the proper form. She intended to assume the throw stance while her secondary target struggled with her question.

"Because Nagi wouldn't her teammates slicing each other up." Unfortunately for Sakura Tsunami was a very observant woman, particularly for a civilian. While the older woman wasn't certain about the specifics, and wasn't sure she wanted to know honestly, but Tsunami had drawn three quite correct conclusion for the past night. One, everyone loved Nagi. Two, Nagi loved everyone in turn. Three, everyone didn't necessarily like everyone else.

Her statement stopped Sakura in her tracks. The pink haired girl glared at Sasuke with the sort of fury normally reserved for Gods issuing divine punishment. However the girl stayed her hand, and her weapon, and turned away when it became apparent that Sasuke wasn't going to flinch under her gaze.

Indeed the raven haired boy had been rather composed this whole time. Without the threat of his tea being spilled he remained serene. Tsunami had probably been more worried for his life than he had been.

"Screw this bullshit; I'm going to look for Nagi." Sakura said walking towards to sliding door.

Tsunami breathed a sigh of relief and Tazuna unfurled himself and started to stand, albeit shakily.

However everyone stopped when Sasuke spoke next. "No."

Sakura turned around once more, the dangerous gleam was back in her eyes and the even more dangerous kunai was back in her hand. "What was that?"

Sasuke didn't back down instead taking a sip of his now cold tea. "Despite the issues with the contract, namely that it's practically null and void because the client withheld vital information that would have raised the price of the job, we never contacted Konoha and told them so. Meaning Team 7 still has a mission to complete and with Kakashi and Nagi gone that duty falls to us."

"Why should I care? Hell why do you care?"

Sasuke didn't answer right away. Instead he walked over to where Tazuna was, picking the old man up without any level of gentleness and dragged to bridge builder to door, likely intending to drag the man all the way to the bridge regardless for how many rocks there were on the room. As he passed through the sliding door Sasuke gave his answer. "I don't know it just feels like something that has to be done and no-one else is going to do it. Nagi can take of herself; we have a job to do."

"Nagi can't take care of herself. She'll get hurt unless I protect her." Sakura's eyes were maniac, her protectiveness as a friend having gotten worse and worse lately.

Sasuke didn't stop walking. "Fine if you're going to go that way then perhaps I should inform the Hokage about your lack of loyalty to a ninja's duty. See how well you can... protect Nagi when you're stripped of your ninja rank for disservice."

Sakura watched him leave, her fury was palpable and she literally had to bandage her forehead as she bleed from a burst blood vessel, but she eventually followed him.

The natural order had been broken. Sasuke had the upper hand.

* * *

"There it is." Haku spoke quietly as he arrived at the destination. The head office of Gato's Shipping Company was actually outside of the Land of Waves constructed on a small island and connected to the mainland, though it was more like a giant featureless rock than a piece of land, but it was built like a fortress as guarded even more so.

The fortress office was connected to the mainland by a single strong, if very ugly, rock bridge which made a frontal assault akin to suicide. Worse still a frontal assault was quite possibly the only feasible tactic as the crashing waves and sheer cliff faces made going in back a deadly risk even with water and wall walking.

Even if you made it past the bridge's chokepoint and through the massive reinforced doors then the interior was an intentional labyrinth crawling with thugs, traps and dead-ends.

Haku's eyes narrowed as he considered the many possible death-traps and the numerous thugs would be jumping at the chance to cut their throats, eager for a bonus. "We will have to plan our attack with the upmost care. We need to be fast, silent and play this defensively if we are to going to have any chance of...of... what the fuck are you doing!"

Haku temporarily forgot the whole reason he was being silent when he saw what Kyuyo was doing.

Namely the crimson haired teen was stretching. "What?" Kyuyo looked up in confusion at Haku's outburst.

"That doesn't not look like playing it fast, silent and defensive. What it does look like is that you're going run headfirst at the front door!"

"..."

"You're going to run at the bloody door aren't you?"

"Yes. Yes I am."

"That door is four feetthick. That thing is treated hardwood with iron bars across the back."

Kyuyo sighed but didn't stop his stretching. "Look Haku I get that you want to do this like a wuss..."

"I WANT to do this smart and safe."

"It's pretty much the same thing mate. I know why you want to do it that way because you're a mortal, that thing kinda comes with limitations. Whereas I am a biju. Not just any biju, the Kyubi no Yoko. Nine tails worth of power here. I am an entity of chakra, the meister of fire and I am going to rush that door. All that treated pine is going to be ash in the wind. Those iron bars are going to be molten splashback that will be melt the faces of anyone stupid enough to try and stop me."

Haku had to restrain himself from whacking the Kyubi no Yoko over the head. "Look Kyuyo clearly you want to play the dashing boyfriend by saving Nagi cavalier style. Complete with a nice little kiss with the sunset in the background as the credits roll..."

Kyuyo didn't stop his stretching but he went red in the face, for once though Haku didn't have time to stop and poke fun at him.

"...But if you try and steamroll that door all you're going to achieve is collapsing the roof of that place on your head..."

At that Kyuyo did stop his stretches at that, opening his mouth as an argument formed on his tongue. Haku didn't even give him a minute to speak.

"I don't care if you say you can survive that because you might have forgotten that I won't and I can bet you that Nagi won't."

Kyuyo gaped like a fish when that realisation hit him, struggling both with what he should say and if indeed he should say anything.

"We're doing this my way because it's the smart way. We will play it safe, watch and wait for an opening." Haku crossed his arms daring Kyuyo to try and retort. Kyuyo did.

"So what, I'm just supposed to sit around while my Nagi sits in a cell."

Haku shook his head, Kyuyo was a good guy but he really did get like an animal when he was angry. Aggressive, possessive and really, really stupid. Of course any animal could be tamed if you were willing to be aggressive right back.

"We both have the same goal here Kyuyo; we want to go save Nagi the problem is that you think you know what to go do it. You think you're strong and experience and in a way you're right. You're demon and that makes you strong. You're immortal and that makes you experienced but those two things don't go together. You're experienced in being the strongest but you have no experience in tactics.

The biju were sealed away for a reason and that reason was because you were facing ninja. A ninja is one of the most dangerous warriors on the planet because we are willing to cheat. It is an underlining value that ensures our military might and it will ensure our success today because we will do this my way.

We WILL wait for an opening, we WILL sneak in without anyone ever knowing we were there, we'll save Nagi, we'll put high explosive under Gato's chair and then you two have can sit back and watch the firework. Now sit down, shut up and show some FUCKING patience!"

Kyuyo faltered under Haku's tirade but he wasn't about to let this argument end. Even if he probably should have. "This isn't about me showing patience-"

"That's all it is!"

"Shut up. I refuse to let Nagi wait longer than she has in some dark cell. I mean," Kyuyo pointed at the bridge of Gato's stronghold though he refused to break eye contact with Haku, "are we just supposed to expect that sometime this millennium that this asshole, Gato, is going to take his entire army of thugs out for a brisk walk."

Kyuyo and Haku's argument lulled for the first time as they hardened their glares, neither one intending to stand down on this matter. Of course they didn't stop for long since almost the moment Kyuyo finished talking the sound of marching feet reached their ears.

The two looked to where Kyuyo had, rather ironically, pointed at the bridge where countless thugs marched along with Gato leading from the rear.

Their lines would have given any self respecting drill sergeant a heart attack never the less the sheer force of numbers made the dishevelled horde of hired muscle much more terrifying than they probably deserved.

"What the hell are they doing?" Haku's eye psychically twitched as his inner tactician raged as his enemies, who he had clearly over estimated, did the stupidest possible thing they could have done in the situation.

"Who gives a crap, let's go." Kyuyo cared considerably less knowing well that the stupidest thing his enemies could have done was the best possible opportunity for him. He didn't even care about the sheer serendipity of it all, both he and Nagi possessed impossible levels of luck that they each took for granted; to the biju and jinchuriki couple impossible things were a natural part of life.

It was only Haku's hand on his shoulder, and more importantly the ice that had formed around his feet, that prevented him from rushing off full bore.

"Kyuyo, Gato is marching all of his thugs out of a heavily fortified, nigh impregnable, stronghold. The only way this could possibly be better for us is if Gato forgets the lock the front door. Now, I don't know what dark god has given us this gift but if you screw this up by not waiting until the army of thugs is at least out of sight, then you don't want to know what I will do. Got it?"

"...Got it."

* * *

Zabuza swore for what seemed like the hundredth time that morning, which was made worse by the fact that it had barely been an hour since the sunrise. In his defence it had been a pretty bad morning.

He had no luck finding Nagi, not even the slightest clue or trail. Zabuza was a highly skilled assassin, despite his conspicuous choice in weaponry, and because of this he had been put through a specialist tracker course back when he was a still a chunin in Kirigakure. Those lessons had been hammered deep into his mind, sometimes literally, until he could recount them in his sleep.

Unfortunately for Zabuza the whole reason he had such harsh lessons was because, for all his skill in death dealing, the Demon of the Mist had absolutely no talent in tracking. Zabuza could move like the morning mist and cut up his enemies with such fury that they became literal red clouds in the air, but he could barely tell the difference between the tracks of a rabbit and the tracks of a mountain lion.

Still he retained the knowledge, he couldn't if he wanted to, and when he had Haku as his apprentice he passed on this hard learnt knowledge. Only to be bloody pissed off that the little runt took to it so easily.

Still Zabuza wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth and after an afternoon of stress relief, he brutally killed some annoying genin that passed by, he named Haku the resident tracker. Only now the girly little runt had disappeared on him, right when he was needed.

So to summarise Zabuza couldn't find his niece, was reminded of his own short comings and now he would have to kill his apprentice when the runt reared his head again. And now...

"I see you haven't found her Momichi."

Zabuza stared down the one man he really didn't want to ever see again. Nagi's sensei, the man he currently hated most in the world at this moment. The two had ran into each other by chance, well technically Zabuza had ran into Kakashi as the later was apparently taking a break, never the less neither were happy about it.

"The same goes for you Hatake. At least I've been searching what are you doing, standing there and reading a fucking porno." Zabuza growled at Kakashi who closed and put away the little orange book he had been reading. You could feel the waves of animosity between the two.

"Don't worry I've only just started actually." Kakashi put his hand in his pockets and slouched over, moving away from the tree he had been resting on. With his face covered it was difficult to judge his expression but the glare of hatred in his single revealed eye was all Zabuza needed to know.

Zabuza groaned, having realised that the petty bastard was trying to provoke him again; if he stayed here any longer Zabuza knew that they were just going to try and kill each other. As fun as that would be he really didn't have time to share. "Count yourself lucky that I'm going to ignore you and keep moving, I have to find Nagi and I don't have time for this bullshit."

Zabuza brushed Kakashi off as he attempted to move past the leaf jounin. Only for Kakashi to step in front of him, realistically such a simple act wouldn't block the path of a ninja. Zabuza could have simply tried to go another way, as a ninja he had a lot more than four directions to choose from, and he unfortunately had no set path but the intent was pretty clear. Kakashi was not going to let him pass.

Zabuza quickly pulled the kubikirihonchu from his back, blocking Kakashi's lightning fast punch with the flat of his blade, only to recoil as the muscles in his arms suddenly contracted.

Kakashi pulled his fist back, his single eye gave away his smug expression, as sparks danced from the blade arcing back to the jounin's fingertips. Bastard had used a lightning jutsu.

Zabuza swore, having never seen the man use handseals. Still the Demon of the Mist wasn't about to be laid low by the little elemental chakra like that. Stepping back Zabuza considered his next few moves, at the moment he concentrated on widening the gap between them confident that in a battle of reach he would have the advantage.

Clearly Kakashi knew that too, as soon as Zabuza moved back three feet the left jounin formed a single handseal. A burst of chakra triggered a trio of explosion tags buried in the ground.

Zabuza's senses and reflexes, honed by years of swordsmanship, prevented him from losing his legs as he ducked and rolled. Only the shockwave still knocked him around and the blast of dirt obscured his vision. Because of that he didn't see the result of Kakashi's summoning jutsu until the ninja hounds had bitten his arms and legs. Weighing him with a pack worth of canine bodies.

"Damnit!" Zabuza swore out loud as the smoke from Kakashi's jutsu cleared, revealing Kakashi as he stood up from the pre-drawn summoning circle on the ground. Kakashi met his glare with sharigan revealed. "This wasn't a coincidental meeting was it? This was a crappy ambush."

Kakashi eyesmiled in response, grabbing his right wrist with his left hand as he did so ensuring his palm faced outwards. "Considering you only worked it out just now then I'd call it a pretty good ambush. By the way; Chidori!" The sound of a thousand birds rung out thru the forest as a ball of lightning formed in Kakashi's palm.

Zabuza looked over at where his zanbatōu laid, three foot away having been knocked out of his hand by the blast before he could holster it. He probably had a jutus which could reach it for him of course with his hands and feet bound there wasn't a whole lot he could do. "Do I at least get an explanation as to why you put so much effort into assassinating me? Even if you're being jealous or possessive or whatever you're deal is, this seems a little much."

"I'm a ninja but you're right I do have reasons beyond the fact that I hate you so incredibly much. That being said I'm surprised you put no effort into killing me. It isn't as though Nagi's around to see I've been watching my own back since I left that house." Kakashi admitted honestly, his line of sight had never once moved from Zabuza since he had entered this part of the forest. Then again a ninja without a healthy sense of paranoia was often just a corpse without a burial.

Zabuza shrugged. "Maybe all this time with Nagi have mellowed me."

"I don't believe that. You took a job to kill an innocent, if annoying man, to further the corrupt business of a tyrant. A good man wouldn't do that and even a desperate man is still driven by standards even if his forgotten them."

"Ever ninja has either killed or will kill at least one man." Zabuza retorted, though if he was making an argument he wasn't particularly passionate about it.

Kakashi didn't disagree with him though. "True most of the times Nagi goes to attack its only happenstance that her enemies will survive. It's almost as though she's been raised by someone without a respect for human life."

"You think that's my fault then, there's other people who have known her longer than me."

Kakashi raised a single eyebrow. "Who might that be?"

Zabuza didn't answer that. In fact it seemed to Kakashi that he couldn't answer. Filed that information away for later musings before continuing with what was, for all intents and purposes, the reading of a crime before an execution. "Well that doesn't matter, it's pretty clear that you didn't just play family to Nagi, you trained her as well. I'd always thought her battle style was a little odd for the area, if you were around though then it would have been strange if she didn't fight like you." Kakashi breathed deaply and it seemed to Zabuza that he was about to get to the heart of the matter. "Children always like to act like their parents, or really any kind of paternal figure, and sometimes...sometimes they end up growing up like their parents."

'Children like to act like their parents... so that's what he's afraid of' Zabuza quickly thought. "You're worried Nagi's going to turn into me when she grows up."

"There's too much of a similarity, the way you fight, the way you act. Things that go beyond a simple sense of familiarity or a matter of training; you're a role model to her. Something to aspire to. Someone... someone to live like. I can't let that happen anymore." Kakashi growled raising the Chidori to strike, even though his hand was shaking from trying to maintain such a powerful jutsu for so long. It was doubtful that Kakashi noticed though. "You're a missing nin, I can't allow Nagi to think that there's no consequence from leaving her home, her history... any of us. I've made a lot of mistakes but if nothing else I can't let that happen. You need to disappear, Nagi needs a father figure but it can't be you. Do you disagree?"

"No." Zabuza leaned his head back and sighed. Incredibly calm and composed, especially considering he had a pack of dogs biting his limbs.

"...Really? I kind of expected more of an argument."

"I've known Nagi for five year and for almost of all of those five years I've had an annoying little voice in my head telling me to suck it up, settle down and live with Nagi like a normal little family. But instead I've spent five years wandering nowhere, telling Nagi I'm going to save up enough money to save my village from a monstrous tyrant. It's a quest I gave up ages ago but I still keep using it as an excuse." Zabuza returned his glare to Kakashi and in it Kakashi saw the eyes of man who had had accepted his fate at the goals. "Do you know why? Kakashi of the Sharigan."

Kakashi stared unimpressed but didn't speak.

"I spent years staining my hands with blood and enjoying it. I can't even be an effective role model, there's no way I can be family to anyone at this point. So if you're going to kill then tell Nagi I died with class." Zabuza's eyes moved to Kakashi's Chidori, even if was getting executed he wouldn't be able to die as an assassin if he didn't see the guillotine drop.

Zabuza waited for the blade to drop, but it never did. Kakashi flexed his hand and the Chidroi faded into nothing, taking its static birdsong with it.

Kakashi looked at Zabuza and kicked dirt in his face. "Is that it? You think this is class, I've seen men rush against a horde of enemies with both arms broken who died with more 'grace' than you."

"What was that!" Zabuza growled, stepping to his bloodstained feet as the nin-dogs returned to the summoun realm in a cloud of smoke.

Kakashi didn't balk as the missing nin grabbed him by the collar with blood covered hands. "If you're going to die then at least die trying. I hate it when people who die for others but people you just sit there and accept their deaths without even trying to do something are even worse. If you've got some much blood on your hands then go and wash it off."

Zabuza flung Kakashi backwards, ignoring the pang of pain in his injured limb, which is to say all his limbs, as he did so. "You think it's that easy you little Boy Scout."

"No," Kakashi regained his footing after being tossed backwards, "but I think at least trying is a lot more worthwhile than waiting to die." Zabuza didn't speak and even the byakugan wouldn't have been able to read his expression. Kakashi continued. "Since I can't stand to watch a man die so pathetically, I'm going to give you another chance. This time try and wash the blood off your hands. When, or if, you ever do see if you're capable of being the kind of father figure she needs. If you fail though..." His face might have been covered but Zabuza could swear the leaf jounin was smirking. "Then I'll happily step up and take that place for myself."

"Like hell you will!" Picking the kubikirihoncho off the ground Zabuza swung the massive blade aiming to cut the Copy Nin's torso in half. Except that, mid swing, he stopped and strapped the weapon into its place on his back. "You know what... fine. We'll play it your way. I'll beat you at your own game."

"I doubt that."

The two exchanged an unspoken vow, or perhaps it was more like a challenge, a duel between gentlemen or at least men who thought they could pretend to be gentle rather than the aggressive monsters they usually were.

Never the less it was the second pact with a demon in as many days, even if the demon here was one in name. Like the other pact the mood was ruined as soon as it began. Except instead of a creepy little rabbit showing up it was a raucous explosion.

Both jounin went to ground as soon as the sound hit their ears. Once the initial blast had passed and there were no secondary blasts the two looked up, a plume of black smoke with a bluish tinge marked the blast site nearby.

Each ninja's first thought was simultaneous and identical. 'Nagi!'

* * *

In a flash both the Copy Nin and the Demon of the Mist were off, rushing to the site of the explosive and hopefully the sight of their blonde.

Only they were incorrect. Despite the blonde girl's bouts of pyromania she wasn't responsible for this particular explosion. Let's go back about half an hour to properly explain the circumstances here.

Sasuke and Sakura had just arrived at the construction site for Tazuna's bridge. Tazuna himself was positioned between the two for his protection. To the say the man was a little shaken would be an understatement having little confidence in his bodyguards. Fully expecting them to start squabbling at any moment, until eventually there would be as massive fight and he'd be killed in the crossfire. The more he though the more he began to think that it would have been safer to leave the house on his own.

Never the less his concerns were for naught at the three made it to the bridge without incident. It helped that both Sakura and Sasuke were a bit occupied. Sakura having spent the entire time brooding, being incredibly pissed off at the whole situation even if she had come to accept it somewhat. Still she had taken point and should really have been on the lookout for enemies.

Her teammate wasn't doing much better, Sasuke having spent the walk chatting away possessing countless questions to Tazuna about construction.

"Exposition." He called it though no one had asked, even though he went on to say (once again unprovoked) that it was a bit pointless as none of the readers were around to hear him. Really the only purpose it served was to make Sakura's mental 'urge to kill' meter rise.

If was a relief when Tazuna finally said. "We're here." The bridge builder stood proudly, hands and his hips, as they looked over his creation. The bridge that would connect the Land of Waves to the mainland, a monument of rebellion spread out in front of them.

"What a wreck." Sakura said simply, a sword piercing Tazuna's pride as she did so.

Sasuke was relatively more understanding. "There is clearly still a lot of work that needs to be done. What we are looking at is the older bridge they have to demolish to make way for the new bridge." Well in relative to Sakura's comment is was more understanding... kind of.

"There wasn't an old bridge, if there was a bridge here before this wouldn't have been a problem." Sakura said.

Sasuke shrugged in response. "I'll admit I was trying to save the builder's misplaced pride."

"How was any of that going to save my pride!" Tazuna snapped, his pride was of course soundly broken. The bridge builder slumped over, he hadn't even started working and his body was already emotionally drained. This was not going to be a good day. "Look it might not seem like much right now but," Tazuna gestured to the piles of cut stones and the palettes of concrete powder that littered the construction site, "both ends of the bridge have been built and the support struts put in place. That's about half the work done. All me and the worker have to do now is make the two ends meet in the middle." Tazuna led the two ninjas to where the bridge half on their side dropped off. Morning mist covered the ocean but the other end of the bridge was easy enough to see. There was a considerable distance between the two ends but at the least there was more work that needed that had been done than work that had to be done.

"Out of curiosity how do you get between the two?" Sasuke asked, he wasn't all that curious actually but exposition demanded someone ask the question.

"We used boats at first, and still do for the bigger equipment and supplies, but once the support struts got in put everyone just walked across them."

Sasuke looked over the side, seeing the iron bars that Tazuna had been referring to running out of the rock. Three large beams on the left, right and in the middle were easily big enough for a fully grown man to walk across without the need to balance. On the other hand there were also several smaller guide lines, but it was doubtful the builders would have used these, as the guide lines were just metal cables. Walking across them would have been like a tightrope act.

"Seems dangerous." Sasuke eventually concluded but Tazuna only shrugged it off.

"There is always a certain level of risk when it comes to contruction."

"If only there was some kind of code for health and safety in the workplace." Sasuke said in monotone. "Then if there was some kind of union for workers. Established in order to ensure that this, theoretical, code was upheld."

"I better not hear talk like that when the workers show up." Tazuna warned Sasuke, he would have poked the genin in the chest to get his point across if he wasn't so terrified of these ninja freaks. "Last thing I need is for them to get any ideas."

"Speaking for which, where are all the workers?" This time Sasuke was genuinely curious as opposed to simply asking for some insane and incomprehensible reason. In the time they had been at the construction site Sasuke hadn't seen another soul.

Tazuna was less concerned about the whereabouts of his workers. It wasn't as though this was the first time there had been a mass bout of laziness in his workers. "They'll show up sooner or later. Now we should work out what to do with you two. It'll take at least a solid week of work to complete the bridge and that's assuming we get lucky and Gato leaves us alone. Which he won't." Tazuna sighed deeply. "So I want you two to keep things from going wrong until the bridge is done. Just to be clear by 'things' I mean Gato's thugs and by 'going wrong' I mean showing up to hassle us."

Sakura opened her mouth preparing a tirade based predominately around the theme of 'why the hell should I listen to you'. Before she could get the first 'fuck you old man' though Sasuke whacked her over the head. The Uchiha might have well kicked a black cat for all the trouble that action would bring him in the future. Still it shut Sakura up for the moment as she was reminded of the threat Sasuke held over her. So instead the girl asked a question that was actually productive to the mission "How many of Gato's men are going to show up?"

Tazuna though for a moment after releasing a breath he didn't notice he was holding. "Not really sure on that one, considered what happened with that bandage guy I'd have expected one of two gangs to have showed up to try and kill me in his steed."

"Perhaps we got lucky," Sasuke theorised, "there is always the possibility that Gato doesn't know his hired missing-nin defected... or got distracted as the case may be."

"I wasn't certain actually, but now I have confirmation I think I'll just go ahead and kill you all myself." A voice spoke from the other side of the bridge.

Tazuna shit himself as soon as he looked over at the opposite end of the bridge.

The Konoha genins were much less impressed. Gato was a short and somewhat greasy man who really didn't look all that intimidating. Fortunately for him Gato had money which allowed him to pay other people to be intimidating for him. In this case it was a horde of hired thugs. "For the record when I say I'll kill you I mean of course they'll kill you."

"Yeah we kind of got that." Sasuke said flippantly.

"Pretty obvious tactics for slime like you." Sakura laughed.

Gato didn't find anything funny though. "Y'know, I was just going to offer a bonus to whoever killed the bridge builder but now I'm going to give a pay rise to whoever tortures the little brats." The thugs at Gato's backs roared in excitement. A sound soon followed by a chorus of the clanging of feet as the quickest thugs jumped down onto the metal bars which connected the bridges.

"See this is why exposition is important. If it wasn't for me the readers would never had known about the beams. It would be like there was no way for the thugs to cross, thus leaving us free to pick them off with ranged attacks." Sasuke was overjoyed, so naturally Sakura wanted to kill him in response.

"Here's the plan. First we kill them and then you." Sakura spoke, rage and poison in her voice.

"Fair enough but might I make an amendment to that plan which carries actual tactical value?"

"What?"

Four lines of men arranged themselves with practiced ease around Gato's end of the bridge, making sure not to cut off the way to the support beams. The first line dropped to their knees once everyone was in position, both lines of men prepared crossbows as they did so. All of them were ready to kill their enemies with the kind of tenacity that only the promise of a fat pay check could provide.

"Take out the archers first." Sasuke pulled Tazuna out of the way as the initial volley was launched.

Sakura took cover as well, moving behind a pile of rocks, tossing senbon into the archer's lines to cover her escape. Felling a number of archers in the process but not nearly enough to make the group any less of a serious threat.

Sasuke was unable to attack for the moment, having his hands full as he dragged the bridge builder behind a nearby palette filled with bags of concrete. It would keep the client away from the crossbow bolts at the least so Sasuke was cleared up to go on the offensive.

Leaping up and on to the palette Sasuke picked his weapon of choice for this fight, kunai was explosive tags pierced onto the tips. Using both hands he tossed three at the three bars in sequence. Targeting the three thugs who were just climbing off of the bars and onto the ninja's side of the bridge. Weapons at the ready to attack.

The resulting trio of explosives sent them falling injured, at best, into the ocean and knocked a few of men behind them as well. The losses didn't faze any of the remaining thugs though. They just kept pushing forward each driven by the force of greed.

Gato himself had disappeared in the initial rush. Likely having retreated to the back of his forces, unwilling to put himself at risk. At the moment there as little either genin could do about that.

Sakura had to stay focused and keep moving, attaching whenever she moved between cover. Her poisoned projectiles could easily kill a man with one dose but they weren't fast acting enough to reduce the threat of the archers quickly. Meaning she had to first incapacitate the men with a dwindling number of irritants, anesthics and hallucinogens to keep the fire off of Sasuke while he worked. Her own desire to win was overriding her desire to see him dead, if only temporarily.

Meanwhile Sasuke focused his efforts into halting the rush of thugs over the support beams. The chokepoint the bars created where invaluable in this situation. Indeed they were the only thing that prevented the army of thugs from overwhelming the ninjas the first attack. It gave them an edge but the fact that a single ninja had to cover three possible entrances meant that it was a tenuous advantage at best. Leaving a single beam unattended for too long would soon result in a flood of thugs.

Still while the use of ranged attacks allowed both to cover their targets with a large attack spread Sasuke doubted that either his explosives or Sakura's toxins would last the entire battle. He could only hope that thugs would lose enough men so as to make a melee attack feasible. Still at the current rate of usage it looked like they might do just that.

'As long as nothing goes wrong we might just win this.' Sasuke thought and immediately regretted it, somehow he knew, within his budding psychosis, that he had just ensured their deaths through the dreaded jinx.

Sure enough as soon as Sasuke's thoughts turned to impending doom, Sakura's thoughts turned to impatience.

"I've had enough of this game." Once again Sakura moved behind a pile of rocks for cover, only this time she stayed there, removing three vacuum sealed vials from her little bag of tricks. Two clear vials and one a vial a strange bright blue.

Sasuke leapt off the palette of concert, without Sakura covering him he was at the mercy of the archers and caught two bolts across his burnt arm. Not that he noticed the bolts cutting a set of parallel across the limb since all the skin on the arm was scar tissue by now.

Landing in front on Tazuna he looked over to Sakura looking for a clue as to what she had in her hands. He had no chance of working out what was in the unlabelled vials but since Sakura had pulled out her mask along with them Sasuke covered his mouth with the sleeve that hadn't been burnt off yesterday. Motioning for Tazuna to do the same and stay low for good measure. Sasuke might not know what she had but he had a fairly good idea of what she was going to do with them.

With three quick swings of her arm Sakura launched the vials over the rock pile, taking care with the individual flight arcs of each vial so that they landing in different places along Gato's end of the bridge. The two clear vials were an immolate and a gas based accelerant, you don't want to know what the blue vial would do, so she didn't want the vials mixing as soon as they hit the air.

So of course as soon as the vials reached the peak of their arcs over the unfinished middle of the bridge that the remaining archers launched their next volley of bolts. Wether intentionally or accidently the bolts cut through the vials. Shattering the glass and mixing the contents with the air and, worst of all, since they were so close, mixing them with each other.

The result lit up the morning sky like a second, albeit blue tinged, sunrise.

* * *

Inari's brain was rattling around in his skull and he hadn't even moved yet. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that he had just been broken out of the deepest sleep of his life by the incessant rattling of chains.

It took several minutes of mental grumbling and groaning but eventually, he broke out of the half awake, half asleep stupor he had just been stuck in. The first thing he saw was a vista of a brick wall and was hardly worth the effort but when he turned over and saw his second sight he awoke instantly.

"Nagi!" Inari's new friend was bound with the most complex system of bonds he had ever seen.

The same rattling chains that had woken Inari up halted as the blonde ceased her struggle. "I...Inari!" Nagi said in hesitant surprise, her voice hoarse from roaring in indignation all morning. Once she established that this wasn't a walking dream, mostly because of the pain in her wrists, where the cuffs cut into her, Nagi grew brighter. "Inari! You're awake!"

The blonde girl gave a wide grin in relief but Inari wasn't very relieved himself looking over the state his friend was in. She had more metal wrapped around her than that Zabuza guy probably had used in his sword. The ground beneath her was caked in dried blood with fresh blood dripping from the wounds on her arms and wrists. The worst part was not since he had regained consciousness he Nagi stopped crying.

"Nagi. Are you..."

"I'm alright!" Nagi answered a little too quickly. She tried to wipe her eyes with her sleeve but the chains wouldn't allow her to move her limbs that much. "I...I can get out...of...of this I just..."

Nagi's reassurance seemed to be aimed more at herself than Inari. It didn't seem to work though as her words soon turned into blubbering.

Nagi's continued determination had been driven by pep talks for some time now but, as soon as she had an audience to her hopeless struggling, the young girl broke. A flood or tears and self doubt flowed out. Racking her body with sobs. 'I can't do this!' Nagi cried internally.

Her tears felt like they would last forever when she felt cloth under her eyes. It almost hurt to do so but Nagi opened her eyes.

Inari had moved in front of her, pulling his own chain taught to stretch as far as possible, and was wiping her tears away with his bawled up bucket hat.

"I...I...I..." Nagi continued to blubber as Inari gently patted away the streams of salt water.

He gave her four words of comfort. "You can do this." Inari spoke slowly and softly, letting the sentiment sink in while the boy continued to clear her eyes.

"I can... I can do this..." Nagi spoke quietly but, as Inari noticed, her tears had stopped flowing. "I can do this."

She was hurt, hoarse and bound to a wall but when Nagi grinned a mouthful of sharp teeth she looked like she could take on the world and win.

Inari pulled back his hat though, with all the blood and salt water staining it, he understandably didn't put it back on. "Ah! I just remembered." Sitting back and letting the chain loosen, pulling on it had hurt his wrist but he wouldn't dare to complain, Inari pulled out something he had stuck behind him in his belt. That 'something' just so happened to be something useful. The sealing scroll in which Nagi kept her zanbatō.

"I grabbed it during the start of the fight. Figured you would need it put away your giant sword after the battle. Although... I don't know where your sword is but I thought, perhaps, you would have some of those ninja knives in here as well." Inari explained, as a civilian he didn't know the ninja terminology, calling kunai 'ninja knives' for instance, nevertheless his thinking was clear.

However unwittingly he had done something much better than simply pick up a dropped bag. Nagi's grin grew wider and even more bloodthirsty.

Extending her left arm as far as the chain would allow Nagi stretched her palm open. "Listen closely Inari, I want you to unroll the scroll to the second big seal and place it under my palm."

Doing as he was instructed, though he was a little unsure about her usage of the word 'seal', Inari unrolled the scroll. He saw the first big seal, assuming that was what the confusing mass of wiggly lines was, if these drawings could contain objects Inari guessed correctly that this was where Nagi kept her favourite giant sword. Continuing he passed a few smaller seals accompanied by cutesy pictographs ranging from a cup of ramen to a severed head with Xs for eyes (which he really hoped was a metaphor for something). Eventually he came to the seal Nagi wanted, it was a bit smaller than the first and the ink wasn't as faded, but like the first seal it lacked an explanatory pictograph.

Inari didn't waste time wondering and simply put the seal under Nagi's outstretched palm. He was so focused on the paper he didn't notice Nagi forming a hand seal with her right hand.

"Release."

There was a puff of smoke which caused Inari to fall back in surprise, in his deference the boy wasn't used to ninja's and their techniques.

When the smoke had cleared and Inari had regained his senses he saw the sealed item. It was a two foot, pitch black machete. It was intimidating and no doubt very sharp.

From all he knew of the girl Inari shouldn't have been all that surprised that the girl had a few spare weapons, there was after all a lot of that scroll he didn't see, indeed thinking on it he soon recognised the machete from one of Nagi's stories. It was the machete that had been given to her as a graduation present from her uncle.

He didn't have much time to dwell on it though as Nagi was eager to escape her bonds. "Cover your head. My Houdini impersonation tends to involve shrapnel."

Inari quickly did so, which was good as Nagi didn't bother to check he did before she began.

The next five minutes were a symphony of destruction as what sounded like a recording of a machine sound colliding with a scrap yard echoed throughout the small cell. Inari was more worried about his hearing than the little metal pieces of broken chain that bounced off him.

Soon though there was one last sound, the clang of mass of metal falling to the ground, and the cell went quiet. The silence lasted all of half a minute before the sound of laughter filled the void. Laughter both adorable and maniacal in its tone.

Inari removed the arms from over his eyes and was rewarded with the sight of the small blonde girl, free, laughing and looking even happier than she normally did.

Inari couldn't help but laugh with her.

"Okay... Okay." Inari said, once the breath in his body had left him.

"You ready to go?"

Nagi, who didn't look out of breath in the least, motioned for one minute. She then turned around and then turned around two more times before finally settling on a direction. Once she had done so Nagi closed her eyes, giggling as she did so, the blonde had a soft smile and a blush on her face.

Inari just had to ask. "What was that about?"

"I was sending a message back to Kyuyo in Konoha. Just telling him that, under my own power, I was able to become a bit closer to being a great ninja. I figure he'll be proud."

"You two can communicate telepathically!" Inari was amazed.

"No." Now Inari was annoyed. "At least I don't think so but then again we've never tried. So if he doesn't receive the message I'll just tell him when I get back to Konoha."

'Ahhh, young love.' Inari thought like an old man. "Maybe he'll take you on a date as a reward."

Nagi giggled and went an even deeper shade of red. No doubt she had the same ideas when 'sending' the message.

Inari almost wanted to meet this Kyuyo. Even if he was apparently a demon Nagi seemed to love and trust him a lot. Suddenly Inari had a strange thought. 'Hmmm. Why does it feel like we're building to something?'

"Well then." Nagi once more flashed a sharp toothed grin as she spun her machete in one hand. "You ready to bust out of this joint?"

Inari smiled. 'Whatever, I doubt anything could ruin this moment.' Inari motioned to the hardwood door. "Ladies-slash-psychopaths first."

"Such a gentleman." Nagi raised her machete ready to splitter the door with a hail of attacks and then repeat the attack process on anyone that stood in their way.

Before she could put this plan into action though, the door burst off its hinges. Buffeting the pair with a storm of splitters.

When the waves of heat that came along with the splinters died down Inari opened his eyes, a few seconds before Nagi did, he saw a red haired teenager at the doorway. The boy had look of relief on his face, and a ball of fire in his head, but for some reason all Inari could think was. 'I have a really bad feeling about this.'

* * *

Kyuyo's first thought after he burst through the cell door was. 'Nagi. She's safe.'

He and Haku had rushed through Gato's maze like headquarters in record time. Apparently Gato hadn't been a complete idiot and left behind some measure of guard for his fortress. However the shipping mogul had still only left behind the barest minimum of a security force. Namely singular thugs lazily patrolling the corridors. They eliminated the thugs without even having to stop.

Haku had taken point and succeeding the guiding with only a few mistakes. Of course as soon as the ice user pointed out the dark hardwood door, that Nagi was locked behind, Kyuyo rushed ahead like a shot. It was a good thing Haku had been expecting the demon's reaction otherwise he would have been bowled over.

Not that Kyuyo seemed to care, not even looking back before he smashed down the door like a man possessed. Which was kind of true, he was in love after all, corniness be damned.

When Kyuyo had seen the inside of the cell it didn't occur to him to ask who the kid was or why no one was tied up. He was just glad to see his Nagi-chan safe.

Eventually though, even to someone like him, the second thought he would have eventually had to hit home. 'Why does she look so pissed off?'

Perhaps we should go over just what the evolution of Nagi's reaction was. You see when Kyuyo had first burst in Nagi had just looked surprised, neither fully sure what was going one or how she should respond. Then, after a minute or two, she had a look on her face like a deep realisation had struck her. Then came the shock and the indignation. Closely followed by the anger. The boundless fury. Everything after that could be summed up in the phrase 'Nagi was pissed off' and she wasn't getting any calmer.

"Na-Nagi-chan?" Kyuyo panicked. Quickly going backwards through his thought in an attempt to remember just what he had done wrong.

Most recently he had come to save her; Kyuyo couldn't see how she could get angry at him for that.

He had had sworn a pact with Haku; Kyuyo was certain that Nagi didn't know about that.

He had wailed on Haku; Kyuyo really hoped that Nagi **never** found out about that.

He had manipulated events to force Nagi and Zabuza to meet under really bad condition to serve his own ends; no wait, that was Haku, Kyuyo just didn't stop him.

He had followed Nagi her to the Land of Waves despite specific instructions not to so as to not limit Nagi's own growth.

He had lit Nagi's bed on fire.

He had spilled water on one of Nagi's training scrolls and then accidently incinerated while attempting to dry it.

He... Wait a minute he's already gone past it. Third last one you idiot!

'Huh? Oh that one. No, that can't be it. It's not the worst thing I've ever done.' Kyuyo thought to himself.

Clearly Nagi disagreed."Kyuyo what are doing here?" Nagi growled, breaking Kyuyo out of his futile thoughts.

"Uh... well... I came to rescue you."

"You came all the way from Konoha." Nagi crossed her arms and raised a single eyebrow. Daring Kyuyo to think about his next answer very veeerrry carefully.

"Well... no." Kyuyo couldn't to Nagi's face. Her eyes were too big and terrifying.

"So then, you just happened to be in the Land of Waves."

"...Yes?"

"May I ask why?"

"I really wish that you wouldn't."

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Damn."

"So then Kyuyo, why?"

Kyuyo took a deep breath; somewhere deep within him he knew that everything would come down to this moment, if only he had a better grasp on the current situation. "I came to look after you."

Nagi did not take the comment the way he would have liked. Namely she yelled at him. "I didn't want you to look after me!"

Kyuyo stepped back a few paces. More than a little shocked about what was going on. Never the less Kyuyo stood strong and didn't back down. Why, oh why didn't he back down. "I'm sorry to feel that way but you need to be protected."

That was so not the right answer.

* * *

While this was happening Haku and Inari were having a little chat of their own.

"I'm Inari."

"Haku."

"..."

"..."

It wasn't a particularly lengthy or important chat. Nor was it even a very interesting one. The two were more occupied with their own thoughts any remainder of their attention going to watch the ongoing shouting match.

Inari was trying to work just what was going on while it looked like Haku had a pretty good idea.

Naturally Inari asked him.

"A miscalculation." Was all Haku had to share on the subject though. Inari wondered if that meant anything to anyone but the teenager himself. Not that it mattered Haku was more concerned with amending his own plans to compensate for this new situation.

Problem was that, whatever their thought process, the atmosphere in the cell wasn't very conductive to private thoughts.

"Why don't I take you home kid." Haku eventually concluded this to be the best action, given the blonde and the red-head sometime to cool off with scream therapy.

Inari silently agreed and turned towards the door, only to be stopped by Haku.

"Not the door, it'll take too long." Haku said with a curt smile.

Inari resisted the natural urge to punch Haku in the mouth. "What pray tell is faster than the door?"

Haku did so love to mess with civilians. The ninja turned towards the wall he had been resting against and tapped a finger against its cool surface. The cool stone instantly became bitingly cold as a smooth sheet of ice formed over the wall.

Inari had a very bad feeling of where this was going. "Please tell me you're joking."

Haku obviously wasn't but it was much more fun not to explain that fact. So he just picked Inari up by the scruff and tossing the boy through the ice mirror before the boy could fight back.

Jumping into the space warping ice himself a second later.

Leaving the jinchuriku and biju to work out their differences.

Speaking of which we should probably get back to that.

* * *

"When have I ever broken your trust?" Nagi yelled, likely in retort, if you have problems with reading context.

"What about that time you ate my pudding when you said you wouldn't." Kyuyo replied in... What does pudding have to do with anything?

"I said I wouldn't eat your pudding if you could stop me. Which you couldn't."

...What the f-Oh! Yes, I see. We happened to come into this in that point in a big argument when the people involved just start throwing out an old random insult or issues.

"Be quiet you okonomiyaki loving bastard!"

...For the sake of the sanity of everyone involved I'm just going to try fast forwarding through to the end of this argument when the important stuff starts happening. Let's see...

_AFGKWEOAGAEGZXDFVFZXDS qWFAE RH DfSZCnqSEM FR SDP0 SAHFJKsdf{pwefr X DUIl_

…and play.

"Go crawl in a ditch and die." Nagi yelled.

"I spent most of my life drunk in ditches. I can go back anytime time I like." Kyuyo retorted feigning pride.

…That's not it.

_Gajsf VREwfaWQRF wfE_

"Why do you have my zanbatō?"

"Would you rather I left it in the ground?"

Nor that...

_ Glhlgef LGLEFGULE _

"Please Nagi-chan I'll buy you some ramen."

"How simple minded do you think I am?"

"..."

Why didn't I use DVD, I could have had scene selection. Blasted Beta-Max...

_GDSS# DSVXCC E # WEFGSFXCVFEFsadfdf DV ecvxsdf SefdFSDHVWEBBzjFJLUEWHHFUHSD sd?F _

"Nagi-chan why don't we just forget about all of this." Kyuyo pleaded.

"Forget... How could I forget about this?"

That is actually somewhat important but it's stuck in a huge block of nonsense text. Still it's a sign that we're getting closer.

"Just go away!" Nagi yelled her face was red and her eyes were watering. No doubt the young girl had reached her emotional limit.

All right, this will work. Get comfortable, grab a bucket of popcorn and watch the heartbreak.

"Nagi-chan." Kyuyo attempted to calm her with a soothing tone.

However it did more harm than good as Nagi simply levelled a determined, and at the same time a weary, expression at him. "No. I've had enough of this. If you don't understand than I'm not going to waste breath trying to make you understand."

"Wa-wait." Kyuyo had a terrifying realisation about what would come next.

"I don't want to see you ever again." Nagi turned on her heel and headed for the door.

"Nagi, wait!" Kyuyo reached out to stop Nagi before she walked out of that door. Only to be stopped by a cold vice grip on his forearm.

Haku had returned and he wasn't pleased stopping Kyuyo and giving him a cold hard glare.

"What are you doing here?" Kyuyo growled at the interruption. It did have the effect that Kyuyo wanted as Nagi was frozen in the doorway. Kyuyo didn't know why she was just staring at his hand though.

Haku only hardened his gaze. "My first duty is as her cousin." Haku motioned to the hand that he had stopped from touching Nagi. Kyuyo had unconsciously reformed the hand into a blazing razor sharp claw. Nagi might be fireproof but she wasn't laceration proof.

"I..." Kyuyo couldn't explain the sight.

Haku had a pretty good idea though. "You really need to learn to control your emotions." Haku pushed Kyuyo's arm away, the burning claw fell limply to Kyuyo's side.

Haku led his cousin, who had been shocked into silence, through the ice mirror making sure to close it behind him this time.

Leaving Kyuyo alone with his thought. Thoughts which could be summed up with one simple word.

"Fuck."

* * *

Sasuke's world was pain and light. It took a great amount of pushing through both for him to open his eyes again. Once he finally did Sasuke maid out the sight of his client and his teammate.

Tazuna was fine, he had stayed close to the concrete and had done a good job in protecting the old bridge builder, but the man had still passed out from the sheer shock of it all.

Sakura was in considerably worse shape and Sasuke wasn't much better. Unlike Tazuna who had been close enough to cover that light couldn't pass between the two the two ninjas had been further back. The effect was that the two were just out of the defensive shadow the cover provided which proved painful as the attack had rained down from above.

Still, no matter how much pain they were in, Sakura and Sasuke were ninjas and even running on pride when they should have been running on blood neither intended to go down. They had intended to fight off the thugs with pluck but instead it gave them front row seats to what might be one of the most shocking sights of the day.

"No one's allowed to kill me students but me." Kakashi...

"I'm trying to get back in my niece's good books. It really wouldn't reflect well if I let her friends die. No matter how annoying they are." ...And Zabuza had shown up out of nowhere to protect the injured genin. It really was a strange sight the murderous killer and Nagi's uncle were playing hero.

"Tch! Playing is right, it's pretty obvious why they showed up in the first place." Sakura growled as she pulled herself into a sitting position.

Sasuke nodded in agreement. He himself had already assumed a saizen sitting position and was pulling Tsunami's glazed teacup from his weapon satchel. "Guys show up shouting 'Nagi!'. Pretty obvious they thought the blonde was here, Izanagi knows why, now they're just playing the gallant saviours to avoid admitting they're idiots."

"Morons should go back to trying to kill each other. Leave the fight to me."

Sasuke shook his head and raising the cup to his lips at the sign of recklessness. '...Wait. This doesn't have any tea in it.'

"Still..." Sakura's voice was very quiet, so quiet it seemed like she was talking to herself, Sasuke was honestly surprised he heard it at all. Sakura was fully focused on Kakashi, Zabuza and the piles of thugs they had eliminated in such a short amount of time. "The kind of power they had."

'Figures, first hint of character development the witch has and it's just her being entranced by violence.' Sasuke scoffed and left Sakura to her not-so-private thoughts. Instead focusing his attention towards the fight on the bridge.

It was, after all, the final confrontation.

Kakashi and Zabuza had positioned themselves right in the middle of the bridge on the thin guide wires that ran between the two bridge halves. It was a precarious balance to be sure but the two jounin might well have been duct taped to the ground for all they showed it.

While the jounin were proud and strong Gato, on the other hand, looked like he had shat himself. The few guards he had who weren't dead or smart enough to flee looked to have frozen with fear.

Zabuza was the first to speak. "I feel it would be redundant to say but," the demon of the mist pointed his zanbatō at Gato's throat, "consider this my resignation."

Kakashi just sighed. "I'd give you a sarcastic slow clap but even that seems like it would give too much credit to that line."

"Bite me."

The two jounin's little comedy routine was interrupted by the sound of creepy, raspy laughter.

"Ha...haha...hahahaha...Ahahahaahahaha." Turns out it was coming from Gato.

"Looks like we broke him." Kakashi laughed but Zabuza wasn't so sure, he had dealt with far too many psychopaths in his lifetime to think that this would bring anything good.

"I am NOT! Going to die HERE!" Zabuza was right, Gato had just cannon-balled into the deep-end. "I still have my secret weapon. KILL THEM!" Gato snapped his fingers but his remaining guards just looked like they wanted to get the hell out of there. "I SAID KILL THEM!"

The thugs slowly pulled the crossbows from behind their backs.

"Don't give him any material for an evil villain rant. No one wants to have to listen to that!"Kakashi warned making sure that everyone heard him.

"Heh heh heh. This is more than just another old trick."

"Doesn't matter. Apparently he can do it himself." Zabuza shook his head.

"These bolts are covered in the poison of the exotic and deadly Carrion Plant. This poison can kill a man in three seconds."

Sakura laughed. "Ha! Big deal I can do that with the plants in my backyard."

"I don't think he's sane enough to hear you anymore, guy hasn't made any comebacks." Sasuke pointed.

"Don't worry everyone we'll get rid of this piss poor excuse of a villain." Almost everyone on the bridge was shocked by the sudden arrival of a long haired... person next to Gato. This... person had already flicked senbon into the necks of the remaining thugs who fell unconscious to the ground. Wearing a smile that straddled the line between teen heartthrob and card carrying villain.

Only three people weren't surprised by the... person's sudden appearance. Tazuna; who was still unconscious and now muttering in his sleep. Zabuza; who looked like he was about to have an aneurism. Finally Gato; who had the excellent excuse of having a sword stuck through his gut.

The shipping mogul gave one last spluttering gasp before the sword cut upwards. The halves of Gato fell to either side, Haku made sure to step to the side, revealing a very happy little blonde girl holding a gore covered sword.

"I'm so glad I remembered to grab you." Nagi practically sparkled as she spoke to her sword.

"Nagi!" Three simultaneous cries came from Zabuza, Kakashi and Sakura as they rushed over to their favourite blonde.

"Good to see you Nagi-chan." Sasuke gave a much more level headed greeting coupled with a toast from his empty teacup.

* * *

"I told you we didn't need a militia." Inari looked over the bridge from his place on the cliffs of Wave Country.

His mother scoffed from beside him, an axe in her hands and a mob of villagers at her back. "Tch! Guess I should go get my father and teacup back before those psychotic ninjas break them."

Tsunami walked down the path that connected to cliffs to the bridge. A few of the militia she had left behind looked like they wanted to start a Mexican wave but Inari silenced them with a hand. He was focused on the scene that was being acted out beneath him; in particular the sight of Zabuza and Nagi sharing a tender hug. Sakura and Kakashi seemed to ready to forcibly tear the two apart but Inari ignored. The villagers would no doubt party for weeks over Gato's death, though hopefully someone would remember to clean up the corpses before then, but he felt that the pho-uncle and the pho-niece deserved this moment,

After all Inari couldn't help but notice, having thought ahead and brought binoculars, the fresh puffy redness beneath the little girls eyes.

"So long Nagi-chan and...good luck."

* * *

"Sorry to interrupt this tender little moment." 'Not really' ", but we should get out of this country before they try to bill Konoha for damages." Kakashi said with pretty obvious hidden motives.

"For once I agree with Cyclops-sensei." 'Anything to get that bandaged bastard off of Nagi-chan.' Sakura wasn't much better.

"I have no funny," 'by which I mean creepy' ", thoughts to add but we really should be getting out of here." Sasuke concurred, he was the only one who had noticed Tsunami on her way to the bridge, and unfortunately it was for pretty idiotic reasons. 'No way is she getting my cup.'

None of these thoughts could reach the two they were intended for. Incapable of piercing though the shield of touching that seemed to envelope them.

"So you're leaving Oji." Nagi looked up at her uncle with just ridiculously big eyes.

"Yeah." Zabuza had prepared a long speech of what he needed to do and why he needed to do it but when he and his niece hugged everything just seemed to melt away in a flood of understanding.

"Mou..." Didn't mean Nagi had to like it though.

"Don't worry I'll be back..."

"Seriously stop hugging we need to go." Kakashi had finally managed to pierce the shield tapping an imaginary wristwatch for good measure.

"If nothing else I have some scores to settle with your sensei."

Zabuza and Nagi separated though not before sharing one last look and a matching pair of sharp toothed grins. Though with Zabuza, and his face-wrapping, you kind of had to take his word.

Once they had did so Kakashi had a clap to draw everyone's attention. "All right any other business before she ship right." Not with an actual ship of course they were just going to take the bridge.

"Actually..." Sakura raised her hand drawing on aspects of her old image as a good little schoolgirl.

"You know when any teacher says that you're not supposed to answer."

"Shut up Cyclops." Sakura gave her teacher a middle fingered salute.

"Fine, just hurry up." Kakashi had abandoned his imaginary wristwatch for an actual pocket watch.

"I'm just going to go ahead and ask the question that should have been asked a while ago." Sakura to pointed to the object of her query. Haku. "Who the hell is this chick?"

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"Uhhhh..." Zabuza acted like it didn't know how to explain it, in actual fact it was more like he really didn't want to explain it. Especially the 'chick' part.

"Well I suppose we could explain it but I warn it will just bring more questions." Nagi rather intelligently for once.

Haku had different ideas. "Ah so simple minded. There is an 'oh so simple' and concise way to explain everything..."

Everyone waited for the 'oh so simple' answer.

"...However it would be much more useful if I have some time to make it work to my benefit." Haku thus quickly evaded the question by jumping over the side of the bridge. Disappearing into the frigid water below.

"..." X 3

Nagi laughed happily. "Good to see Haku hasn't changed a bit."

Zabuza sighed. "I don't know about 'good' exactly but... yeah, he hasn't changed a bit." Zabuza walked over to the edge of the bridge and, with a wave, disappeared over the side himself.

He didn't say goodbye as he left but, as Nagi knew, the day Zabuza said goodbye was the day he would never come back.

"See you soon, Oji."

* * *

"It's been, what two hours, and you're already losing yourself in a bottle." Haku looked the cell that he had just stepped into, the same cell that he had got Nagi out of not three hours ago and, apparently, the same cell that Kyuyo had never left. The floor was covered in so many bottles it wasn't possible to walk and making the room sound like a wind chime.

"Shup ut, traitor!" Kyuyo hid the tone of his slurred words quite well but couldn't hide the slurred words themselves.

Haku shook his head like he was dealing with a petulant child and not a dangerous drunken demon. Then again in his experience the two hardly differed.

"You need to look at the bigger picture." Haku placed his hand on his chest. "Take myself for example; my great plan was recently kicked in the proverbial ball-sack when Zabuza decides his going on some kind of stupid vision quest. Did I want to bash Zabuza over the head, perhaps but I held back. Do know why?"

Kyuyo hiccupped and took a deeper swig of rum.

"Because we have time and, to borrow an old phrase, time heals all wounds." Haku sidestepped to avoid the glass bottle that Kyuyo lobbed at his head.

"So I'm just supposed to sit around." Kyuyo growled.

"You've already said that once today and, once again, the answer is simply yes." Haku turned on his heels to face the doorway. "Consider this the exercise in patience you so sorely lack." Haku stepped into the hallway.

"Where are you going?"

"Unlike you I don't need any training in patience. I'm an assassin about the most patient person you can find. For instance I've spend many years waiting to spend some time as a family with my cousin. See you in Konoha."

With a wisp of snow Haku disappeared from sight leaving only one sentence hanging in the air. "Try thinking of it this way. Happy endings only happen at the end and this is far from over."

Kyuyo growled, glaring at the space where Haku had used shunshin, before eventually pulling himself together and heading towards Konoha.

* * *

**You really weren't kidding around with the chapter title.**

One day I'm just going to have to go ahead and kill something in my writing. It's a difficult thing for me to do even when I'm not writing fanfiction. I don't like being sad over seeing a character I like die but the goal of writing is to invoke emotion after all.

**You could kill yourself and sure everyone would enjoy that. Invoke emotion without the sadness.**

...No.

**Tch! This is why you'll never write anything good.**

While I'm here I should point out something raised by Kythorian who did point out what I thought to be something of a plot hole I had dug myself into.

**Didn't you already put up a comment about that?**

True and I'd like people to go read that I just felt like I should draw attention. I consider it a good sign that only one guy posted about it; I tried to make the problem seem as natural as I could but it's something to think about.

**I really can't expect anyone putting that much thought into the crap your write.**

Should have seen that one coming? Anyway I should wrap this up, the next chapter will be something of an observance of fallout chapter I don't expect it to be as long of a chapter as most. Then again I really didn't expect this chapter to be as long as it was. Never the less I'll aim for more comedy but I keep in mind I don't even trust myself so there is no reason any of you should.

**Jamata.**

Hey that's my closer.

_Sayonara -_-_

Don't use that one, that's for when you aren't going to see someone for a while.

_The more you know ;)_


	8. Chapter 7

**Vicious Calm**

**Chapter 7- Small Victories and Big Losses**

I'm back.

_where r we, everything's so bright_

…

_im scared_

It's alright Childishness; it's just been a while. Everyone have all their parts.

_cynicism looks bigger, like… big cat bigger_

**With this fool's extended pity party I've have grown magnitudes stronger, I now dominate the darkest areas of his mind with an infernal army. Soon we will march on the king.**

There's a king? You mean me?

_nopey dopey_

**Don't flatter yourself twit. Your mind is so damaged empires have formed in the cracks.**

That's worrisome, good thing I can legally drink.

**No that's worrisome.**

Silence cur. Now let's get down to business.

**Cur?**

_i like curds not ways though_

_never ways_

* * *

"Nagi-chan. It's Sakura, open up!" Sakura banged on a large iron door marked with a six; her knocks reverberated through a long metal hallway.

This was the apartment building in which; though calling the place Nagi lived an apartment building always struck Nagi as something of a misnomer. If nothing else it was underground.

One has to wonder just why the Hokage would place a young girl under his care in the place he did, the place had... something of a sordid history. Its major use for the past few years was as the sight for the annual Torture & Interrogation Department's training camp.

The story started when Nagi after losing a number of apartments to 'inexplicable' acts of god/fire frustrated the Hokage to such an extent that he just decided to put her in an apartment that just could not be destroyed. No matter how much she tried.

To be fair there was logic behind the Hokage's as the apartment had once, in fact, been a proof of concept of a new type of military bunker. It was called a Vault, a marvel of science equipped with countless marvels of science from pneumatic sliding doors to its own generator and even very early computing technology. The head designer, a genius of his time, had rated it to survive a nuclear blast... whatever that was. If you hadn't noticed the head designer was also a quite mad man. Few people could understand his ramblings and even those who could where at a loss to explain any of it.

The head designer died from extremely old age almost as soon as the first stage of the project was completed. Fortunate as the second stage involved cruel social experiments. To this day many researchers pour over his work, however nobody could really justify the exorbitant cost of the bunker, scientific marvel or not, when Konoha already had a network of tunnels and shelters in the Great Faces Mountain easily able to house and protect three times the populace of Konoha. Keeping in mind this was pre-Kyūbi attack.

Eventually the deed for the buker was sold off to the Ibiki family; the only known fact about the context of the sale was that it involved a lot of alcohol more of which was poured over wounds than actually drunk. Since the bunker was very large and the Ibiki family was not they decided to make some cash by offering the many empty rooms they had as luxury accommodation... Then they offered the rooms as reasonably priced accommodation... Then dirt cheap housing... Then shelter for the homeless... Then storage... Then the Ibiki's just realised that no one wanted to live in or even go near an underground bunker operated by a family of torturers. In retrospect it might have been wiser not to advertise the sound-proofing as a feature but then again the Ibikis wanted to attract the 'right' kind of crowd.

Nevertheless the family never stopped advertising their bunker and now de-facto clan home as space for rent; if nothing else then in order to justify the bunker's purchase. Cut back to the present when Nagi is coaxed into renting a room she became the first, only and likely last non-Ibiki tenant of the Vault-City Apt.

While Sakura was aware of all of this the only thing she cared about was that for all the fancy technology, the locks could be dealt with only a screwdriver and a bobby pin.

Which Sakura did regularly, much to the irritation of Nagi's current landlord. "Haruno, what have I told you about breaking into my tenant's apartment." Morino Ibiki walked past such a familiar scene on his way to work, sipping from a large travel mug filled to the brim with extra strength coffee as he did so.

Sakura only gave a curt nod in response to his question, not bothering to look up at Nagi's landlord. Picking locks was a delicate task and she had only brought a few spare bobby pins. She noted to herself to rummage through more metal boxes.

Still as far as landlord/break and enterer relationships went these two were on more or less good terms. In the past Sakura had to come by almost daily to make sure Nagi hadn't overslept and would be late for school, the blonde girl rarely did such a thing though Sakura was just being more than a little paranoid. Somehow Nagi had won her friend's trust, at least when it came to punctuality, and since the mission to Wave several weeks ago Sakura hadn't arrived prematurely to break into her friend's apartment and watch her sleep.

Today Sakura had a legitimate reason for breaking into Nagi's place, namely passing instructions for a multi-team training exercise. Which was all well and good but Ibiki just couldn't bring himself to fully trust a girl who doesn't even attempt to knock before resorting to picking the lock.

Sakura saw it differently. "Y'know I wouldn't have to keep doing this if you'd just agree to give me a key."

"Never going to happen Haruno, and I don't care if Nagi gave her permission either. I take personal annoyance towards psychotic stalkers harassing my tenants."

"I keep telling you asshole I'm Nagi's friend not her stalker." Sakura growled in annoyance, she had been through this conversation with far too many people as of late.

"Just because you've managed to convince Nagi of that doesn't mean you're going to convince me."

"One day I'm going to gut you like a fish landlord."

Ibiki could only shake his head, he might be a lax guy in the morning, hence the coffee, but unlike some psychopaths he knew through work he prided himself as a man who had standards in work. Whether that applied to his day job or as a landlord, even if he 'technically' only had one tenant, he went to lengths to assure his tenant was comfortable and safe.

"One of these days I'm going to have to fix those robots and enforce a no pink-haired girl policy."

Sakura didn't even hear Ibiki's threat, if she did she likely would have had some questions about where and why he had robots, however the lock had just suddenly clicked open and the girl rushed inside with a cry of 'success'.

Ibiki waited patiently.

"What the hell is this!?" Sakura's screams echoed throughout the metal halls of the apartment building.

Ibiki hid his smirk of petty revenge by taking another sip of coffee.

* * *

Sakura's mouth was wide in utter horror. Her brain shuddered in pain and panic, unable to fully comprehend what her eyes were showing her.

For the sake of the readers what she saw was the same long dark haired girl who had disappeared after the Bridge Incident- as people in the know called the mission in wave her team was on a month ago- seated on Nagi's bed. Wearing only a kimono the girl was drying the hair of Nagi who was wearing only a towel and seated between the dark haired girl's legs.

Somewhere in the back of her mind Sakura actually found the whole situation strangely arousing but, like most instances of her budding teenage hormones, she pushed those thoughts away in favour of violent fury.

"Once again... What! In! The! HELL!?"

Nagi didn't look Sakura in the eyes when she answered, not because she was embarrassed, rather because she had a simple and common problem. "I got shampoo in my eyes."

The girl though had no sympathy. "It's your own fault for squirming around when I put the lather in your hair."

"It tickled." Nagi argued.

"You...you two bathed together." Sakura had to clamp a hand over her nose when it felt like her soul was trying to escape, in actuality a nosebleed but that was another issue altogether. 'I've spent far too much time around Hinata.' Sakura thought.

"Most people would ask who I am first. Though to answer your question yes, we actually showered together, for all its amenities this place doesn't have baths only small shower cubicles. Honestly it all seems a bit mechanical and cold." The long haired girl didn't look up at Sakura when she answered. Keeping remarkably calm and collected as she continued to dry the smaller girl's hair; regardless of the presence of a girl who wouldn't think twice before trying to kill her.

To her credit though Sakura managed to keep calm for quite a while, or at least while she processed what was happening. When her left eyes began to twitch sporadically it was a good sign that she was nearing her limit. "Nagi... just tell me two simple things. Who is this and/or can I kill her?" Sakura hoped for a yes somewhere in the respond.

Nagi, who had managed to get the soap mostly out of her eyes, looked at Sakura in confusion. "But... you've met before." Apparently she was ignoring the murder query, probably for the best really.

The dark haired girl merely laughed while Sakura's right eye once again began to twitch faster this time.

"I don't know if you'd call that a meeting, I did jump off a bridge at the end of it." The dark haired girl finally finished drying Nagi's hair allowing her to stand up and started getting dressed.

While Nagi walked over to the metal dressing, dropping her towel as she does so ignoring the others in the room. The others in question paused their conversation during this, watched her actions for a good half minute before resuming their conversation. Which really says alot about the people she hangs with but one issue at a time.

"Anyway I'm Nagi's elder cousin, as well as Zabuza's…daughter and apprentice."

Sakura was too focused on having a minor breakdown at what she had just heard to notice a partway dressed Nagi giving her 'cousin' a questioning look. Before shrugging and deciding to roll with it, deciding that he was running one of his famous schemes. "Yep, she's my Haku-oneesan."

"Since my father has decided to go gallivanting off on some sort of spiritual quest," Sakura noticed how Haku's knuckles tighten at this part, "I will be staying here with Nagi-chan in the interim. Pleasure to meet you." Haku ended with a deep bow.

Sakura could only stare at the bowing girl with tired eyes.

"Oh and I've already gone through the process of obtaining a Konoha refugee citizenship so don't think you're going to get me deported." Haku added with a wicked smile.

'God damn Konoha and their pro-immigration laws why can't we just deny their base humanity like everyone else... the hell... I think I just had a fit of political outrage.' Sakura thought adding this to the growing list of things that she needed to worry about later.

"As long as you understand," Haku stood up from the bed and adjusted... her kimono, "now then I believe you arrived here for a reason."

"Huh, what?" was Sakura's only answer to that.

"We've got morning training with Team 10." Nagi answered in her steed, having dressed in her usual orange sundress and black flak jacket.

"Precisely, run along and have a good day Nagi-chan." Haku smiled with all the warmth of a mother sending her little girl off to kill people. Which in a ninja village accounts for a great amount of warmth.

"'Kay onee-san, come on Sakura we're going be late."

Sakura was pulled out the room by her excited friend before the pink haired girl could come to grips with the current situation.

Haku gave a happy little sigh of contentment before removing his sleeping kimono, pulling on his lightweight body armour, strapping some small senbon bags to his belt, pulling over a heavier day wear kimono and a shopping basket.

"Well then, time to go shopping."

* * *

"Hello Haku."

"Good morning ma'am." Haku smiled as he greeted the sweet old lady he passed in the street.

"H-Hi there Haku-chan."

Haku gave a polite wave and cute smile to the store assistant who always stumbled over his words when he passed.

"Having a good day Haku-chan."

"Of course Keiji-san." Haku gave a small bow as he paid the kind old greengrocer who never noticed when he short-changed Haku on already heavily discounted produce.

'Cheap groceries, blatant manipulation and the oddly perverse thrill that one day that grocery store assistant will have to question his sexual preferences.' Haku thought as he walked home with the feeling of contentment that came from the fact that life in Konoha was a rich and fulfilling as he thought it would be. Though his thoughts quickly turned sour. 'If that damn thick headed bandage face would just understand, why it is so bloody hard to force happiness on people against their moral code.'

You'd think something about that would make Haku realise something about his own moral code but… upon typing that out I realised how ridiculous and OOC that would have sounded. Carry on Haku, like the psychotic gender confused assassin you are.

"With pleasure cat-chan."

…I hate when characters break the fourth wall… and when they talk to the voices in my head. I've also learned to hate when people call me cat-chan, brought that one on myself really.

"Just consider yourself lucky I can't actually interact or you'd be dead for that last crack. Now enough with the poorly written metahumour and continue with the poorly written fanfiction."

Yes sir uh… ma'am… sir'am? Ma'ir?

As the mild wave of insanity passed, over author and character alike, Haku regained awareness his reality and the fact that he was still four blocks away from a refrigeration unit and yet carrying a bag full of fish on a very hot day.

Haku groaned in annoyance before looking behind himself, then above and then above and behind, finding no villagers, ninja or otherwise, aside from a group of small children playing with a large blue ball. Whom he waved to and smiled sweetly, all while muttering under his breath. "Good thing ANBU only keep watch over darkened back alleys and the large gaping holes in the electrified fences instead of the children parks. Not to mention how fortunate that the standard police forces in a ninja village are far too secure in the knowledge that ninjas make up their extensive military force."

Humming happily to himself Haku gave one last wave to the nearby children. "Life in Konoha really is quite fine." Once more he sighed contently before vanishing in a puff of smoke, leaving a group of surprised children to let their ball roll off into the bushes before running off screaming. Meanwhile the one wholly desensitised kid from a ninja family was left to cry out. "Sweet! Free ball!"

* * *

Training ground 16 was… well to put it poetically, and somewhat plagiarist-ly, a field by any other name would be as featureless. The field was, much like many training grounds, meaning nothing special, after all Konoha could only afford to maintain one area filled with deadly traps and giant monsters. No seriously, they budget for it and everything. It was calculated and determined what would be the most fiscally responsible choice versus the benefits that can be gained from monster infested training grounds. That's ninja economics for you.

Still this normal training ground has, for a number of weeks now, been home to a peculiar and violent mini-tradition. It had all started with a small scale war, when she got back from the bridge incident Nagi had been acting odd…er. Or at the least more antsy, having had tried to pick a fight with most every rookie ninja and a few fully trained killers. Aside from Kiba though, who lacked a healthy sense of self preservation, none were inclined to assist in her self-destruction. Thus she resorted to goading people into fight, which ended about as well as you'd think it would, at least until she tried goading Choji with fat jokes then it ended worse than you could ever imagine. After this Sakura got involved.

By the end of it all Ino had to spend a day pulling senbon out of her body. While her attacker Sakura was getting over a stab wound; though she personally was more shocked over the fact that Ino would literally shiv her than the wound itself. Shikamaru was hospitalised for two weeks over two broken legs, so he was happy at the least and Sasuke… Sasuke came out alright though the given value of 'alright' was debatable the boy still refused to have his arm, head or the recent neck wounds checked out. The war eventually ended with the sharing of ramen between Choji and Nagi as they mended hurt feelings and broken ribs respectively.

Now most teachers would look at such an act and think 'Gee, we really should keep these two groups; that are quite clearly unhinged and may try to kill each other again'. Those kinds of teachers however would never be able to handle teaching a ninja team, probably end up snapping and find solace in so many cats or a collection of people's faces.

No, as Azuma and Kakashi saw, the only logical thing to do was to arrange regular joint training sessions between Teams 7 and 10. Not only did it teach Team 7 not to underestimate an opponent, even if they were an ally, as well as keeping them on their toes. As for Team 10 well, it actually got them to do something during group training; no easy feat as Azuma could attest.

Even if for Ino that something was a life and death battle with her former best friend every other day.

* * *

"Heh heh, Ino-pig I see you're still as weak and pin-cushiony as ever, sometimes I wonder if you train at all." Sakura smiled as she held Ino to the ground by her chest, a selection of senbon, each dripping with a deadlier toxin than the last, were held in the knuckles of her free hand.

"Fucking hell. Get off me you psycho!" Ino gritted her teeth as she struggled against the pink haired girl. A futile effort, not only was Sakura stronger than her by a magnitude but with the position they were in the pink haired girl was practically sitting on top of her blonde former friend. The blonde had a dream like this once; she chose to forget it very quickly.

"What's the rush, you're so desperate to get back to your precious Sasuke-kun."

Ino went red, though it wasn't clear whether it was out of rage or embarrassment. "What do you care? Go hang out with your blonde midget girlfriend!"

"How dare-" Sakura snarled and drew her fist back ready for a killing blow. Only for a swift punch to the gut to knock the wind out of stomach as well as knock the senbon out of her fist.

The next hit targeted her throat and Sakura fell to the side in a heap, gasping for breath while Ino leapt to her feet and sprinted away.

"Enjoy the upper hand while it lasts forehead, I'll make you pay for everything. What you did to Sasuke-kun and especially for hanging out with that blonde midget all the time."

"Stay still blondie."

* * *

"Huh, weird." Half a field away Sasuke and Shikamaru sat under the shade out a tree, a shoji board set up between them and a kettle of tea cooling to the side.

"It's probably not in my best interest to ask but… What's weird?" Shikamaru remained almost perfectly still, aside from a single rising of an eyebrow, his fingers flooded in a latticework as he pondered his next move.

"It's nothing really it's just what Sakura just said, it's a little weird to hear that applied to someone other than Nagi." Sasuke sipped his tea with a thoughtful look. "Also please stop staring at me like I am something particularly horrifying which you just barely managed to avoid stepping on," he paused to take another sip of his tea, "I do not find it amusing."

"…Uchiha for the love of every single one of the eight million gods go see a head doctor, or a GP or a bloody vet. Just… see someone ASAP."

"Hmmm. Did you know that you are the twenty-third person to tell me something to that effect in the past week, the third person to use that precise wording and, overall, the thirteenth most convincing."

"For fu-What the hell happened to you in the Land of Waves?"

"If you're curious the most convincing was one of the people who used that same line but he had a firmer tone of voice. It's all in the delivery, I keep telling people that but they never take the advice. Perhaps if I tried saying it in context. "

"Forget it." A bit too lazy to throw his hands up in defeat Shikamaru just opted to sigh and make his move. "Your move crazy man."

"Excellent, quick question about the rules first."

"Shoot."

"What is this game called again?"

"…"

"I said I do not find that look amusing."

Shikamaru tried to sigh but it came out more like a shaky breath than an actual expression of exasperation. "You know… you should consider yourself lucky that you're so surprisingly good at this game because if you weren't one of the few people I could count on for a decent game because…well… let's just say there are some people my family knows. These people would beat you so hard that, in the few moments before you breathe your last from massive internal haemorrhaging, you would regain your sanity and you would realise that a long painful death at the end of wasted life could be the only end that could ever await you."

"Well… that… was certainly uncalled for Shikamarau."

"That's your opinion. I believe in looking at things from multiple viewpoints."

"I'll just make my move than shall I."

"Y'Know if you're curious, those people I was talking about, they call it the Number 3, you want to know what the first two are?" Shikamarau asked generally enthused

"In my head this conversation was going to go in a much different direction. Guess that's a good thing really, we do not have that many ferrets. Of course who _would_ have that many ferrets?"

* * *

Choji scanned the field intently, his eyes and mind working hard to determine the shapes and shadows obscured by the mist. His every muscle was taunt, his senses strained to the limit as he readied himself to anticipate an attack from every angle.

He had to be cautious; the goods he protected were too valuable to be allowed to fall into the enemy's hands.

Crack!

In the silent stillness of the mist even the breaking of a twig was magnified exponentially. Choji reacted by whipping his body towards the sudden sound, his senses flicked from strained to focused in an instant as he adjusted from defence to offense.

"Expansion Jutsu!" He yelled and unleashed his technique, his right arm growing to monstrous size even as he swept it across the battlefield towards the sound. Though he couldn't quite see his arm as his attack stretched deep into the mist, but the crashing of trees and the feeling of splinters bouncing off his forearm told of the devastation he unleashed. What he didn't get was the scream of the enemy or the wet crunch of flesh and bone; rather he got a soft pop and the feeling of warm jelly.

Too late did he realise his mistake, the snapped branch was a diversion. He knew this before he felt a presence behind him, the enemy was reaching for the goods he held in his left hand. Desperately he tried to recall the expansion jutsu and free his arm for a second attack, but it was no good the jutsu was indeed powerful but it was also slow and unwieldy. That however didn't make him entirely defenceless though.

Choji loathed doing the next part but he released the goods, letting them drop to the ground but freeing his left hand. He immediately put the limb to use, grabbing a kunai and stabbing at the approximate enemy's location before he could even turn around. When he did so he saw that, once again, his instinctive attack proved to be another fatal mistake.

The thing he attacked was the shape of the enemy yes but shape was all it was. A featureless maple coloured facsimile with a kunai sticking out of its forehead, staring at him with eyes that lacked detail. The attack did not make the clone fall into a puddle like a kind natural order would have allowed but instead it boiled and churned before exploding outwards. The horrific slime starburst reached towards him and encased his arm in a cocoon which didn't even have the kindness of keeping still.

When his other arm finally retracted from its last attack Choji quickly tried to reach over and free his left arm with his now normal right only to find that his right arm had picked up a passenger when it had swept those trees down, another of the red slime clones. He tried to burst free from the swiftly expanding slime by initiating his expansion jutsu again but, whether by luck or some twisted semblance of intelligence, the slime clone targeted his hand first entrapping them so he couldn't hope to form the necessary signs.

With both Choji's arms encased in churning unpleasant sliminess, which was quickly growing uncomfortably hot, there was little he could do in defence. Unless of course Choji were insane enough to try bull rushing his enemy.

Which he was.

It didn't work but you can't fault him for his attempt.

"Finally," The enemy said pulling open the top of the goods and plucking a barbeque flavoured chip from inside, "come to me delicious snack."

"Was all this necessary," Choji pulled himself up from the ground following his failed ramming and waiting while the remains of the slimes dripped from his arms before pulling another bag of chips from his ninja bag, "I am willing to share. I mean, maybe not a whole bag and definitely not the barbeque flavour and… on second thoughts give those back."

Choji's attempts at reclaiming his rightful snacks were stopped short when Nagi disappeared into a nearby tree. A very TALL tree. There were things he would do for snacks, terrible unspeakable things that Shikamaru would sometimes ask from him, but climbing? Not going to happen even if they were barbeque.

"You win this round shortie." Choji gave a half-hearted shake of his fist as he relaxed under the tree Nagi had climbed onto.

"Don't make me cut you." Nagi scowled from atop her branch.

The two spent a while under, and in, the tree eating their chips. Choji enjoyed a relaxing afternoon watching the clouds, peppered with fending off the occasional hit and run attack whenever Nagi would run out of snacks. Nagi also tried relaxing and watching the clouds but when her mind inevitably drifted off and started looking for shapes the drifting white puffs had made, her mood soured once more. No matter how much she tried far too many of the clouds looked like foxes to her.

* * *

"You've got to be kidding me."

Haku's day had been going so well too; go to the markets, fuck with people for shits and giggles and scare small children before heading home. He had been looking forward to relaxing, before cooking dinner for himself and Nagi while puting off the cleaning; lord if there's one thing he missed about living on the lamb it was the fact that you didn't have to dust trees or vacuum dirt. Sometimes you had to mop rocks if things got particularly violent but he usually let Zabuza do that job.

But now…

"Ah get off my back ya… son of a… son of a… I don't know a cat? I…I got nothing."

Now the self-proclaimed meister of fire, the nine tailed biju, the demon fox Kyūyo was lying drunk in a tree outside Nagi's… apartment seems the wrong word and underground bunker designed by a madmen is far too literal, let's go with abode. That's right the fucking nine tailed demon fox was lying drunk outside his ex-girlfriend's abode, class act this one is my friends.

"This is truly pathetic even by the standards of a demon, and I've met some pretty pathetic demons."

"Really? I can *hic* can I get some details I might know them."

"That's not important right now, what is important is the reason you're doing out here!"

"Drowning away my sorrows, watching the steely coffin that keeps me from her, etc." Kyūyo took a deep draught of his homemade firewater as he stared forlornly at Vault-City Adpt.

"I should probably tell you she has been out most of the day." Haku stated as he began counting the quantity of empty bottles that led to this point.

"I am aware *hic* I was here when you and her left this morning."

"Then why are you still-"

"I cannot leave this tree, I am in fact so drunk that the slightest movement will disrupt my centre of balance and send me plummeting to the ground." Kyūyo wondered if he should've put a HIC in that sentence.

"I almost hesitant to ask but exactly how long have you been in that tree, days or weeks?"

"How many empty bottles *hic* are there on the ground?"

"Far too many to count." Though Haku believed there to be around forty-two.

"Huh must only have been yesterday afternoon then, kinda thought it would have been longer honestly considering how many times the landlord came by to poke me."

"Ibiki checked to see if you were alive that seems unlikely."

"He was checking with a spear *hic* so he probably had another intention in mind. I just play dead but he still stabs me periodically to check… or for the fun of it." He punctuated this statement with a large burp.

"Lovely," Haku had finally been peak levels of disgust for the fox, "at least that makes more sense."

"Yes well know that you know please leave me be to wallow in my own self-pity." The demon waved off the boy while simultaneously taking a swig of his fire-water, careful in both actions to avoid losing his balance. Haku though didn't show any sign of leaving and that annoyed Kyūyo very much. "I said, Go Away!"

The red haired boy sparked and growled at Haku, twisted his face into a visage more befitting his demonic status

Haku looked unimpressed for several seconds until he finally started began walking away…

Kyūyo sighed and took another sip of his, surprisingly, unignited drink.

Suddenly Haku whipped around, delivering a flying kick to the tree. Kyūyo chocked on his liquor and fell from the tree branch.

"God damnit." Kyūyo cried out as he impacted the ground. "Why would you do that?"

"Usually for the joy of it but right now because I can't stand to see you act quite so pathetic."

"That's you opinion. I have my reasons." Kyūyo said as he rubbed his neck

"I'm adept at looking at things for different viewpoints but so far as I can tell your reasons consist of you being a whiny little bitch, or am I wrong?"

"Yeah your probably hit the nail there." Knocking empty bottles out of the way Kyūyo made himself comfortable in his new spot on the ground.

Haku glared at the demonic teen for a good while, before he decided that the fish needed to be put in the cold-box more than he needed to waste time, and possibly sanity, on the nine tailed demon twit before him.

Walking off to the apartment he muttered under his breath. "Perhaps I wrong, maybe I should get Nagi a new boyfriend."

Behind him the tree, the liquor bottles and the boy all exploded in crimson flames.

* * *

"Y'know Kakashi," the leader of Team 10, Azuma Sarutobi sat by his fellow jōnin instructor under a shady tree on the edge of Training Ground 16. The experienced ninja lazily took a drag from his cigarette held loosely in his mouth in between sentences. "Things have been going well lately, I mean really well."

The jōnin sensei removed the lit cigarette from his mouth for a few seconds to take a sip from his teacup. "Don't you think so?"

"Azuma, I have literally spent the afternoon telling you about all the worries I have with my team. I asked for your advice as a fellow teacher and jōnin ninja of the leaf. Were you not listening at all?"

Azuma closed his eyes as he breathed in the fresh air before replacing the near burnt out cigarette with a new one. "I meant things have been going well for my team, my students are all facing new challenges and surviving. Your team on the other hand is a band of disjointed psychos with emotional problems, their beyond help of any kind."

Kakashi narrowed his one visible eye at his fellow instructor, though he made no move to correct this statement.

"Have some of this tea Sakura made, I think she put something in it I've just felt so relaxed since I had some." Reaching over to a tray arranged by Sakura earlier in the day Azuma removed a porcelain kettle and poured its contents into a new cup which he offered to Kakashi.

Sighing, Kakashi took the offered cup and threw its contents over his shoulder. "Are you always such an idiot on nice days? Sakura made that especially for us teachers, you know what that means. Little bitch probably laced it with a slow acting neurotoxin or something equally nasty. Get us out of the way so she can murder the blonde unimpeded. That is to say your blonde."

"I see… I'm a little too far gone to comprehend it but… hm." Azuma raised another cup to his lips while Kakashi thought of how he'd explain any of this to his friend's lover. Reaching over him to grab the kettle, figuring the medic-nins would need a sample to devise an antidote, only to find the large porcelain pot empty.

"Please do not tell me you drank all of this?"

"Most of it, gave some to this rabbit that Nagi brought with her. The thing looked thirsty, though that might have been a hallucination." Azuma gestured to the white bunny that lay nearby, Nagi's pet apparently which is odd but Kakashi remembered that she also had a cat. The girl had claw marks over her face the day after they got back from Wave and a chip on her shoulder about some asshole that didn't feed Taiga properly.

Looking over at the rabbit the pair of ninjas felt an odd chill, the animal was indeed lapping tea from a cup but for some reason it felt compelled to constantly look up while doing so. Never taking its eyes off whatever looked in its direction; even when Kakashi, Azuma and a small bird all looked at the same time.

'Creepy thing isn't even a little sick from the poison.' Kakashi thought before throwing a spare face mask over the thrice damned creature, the act did little good to stop the chill. "Can we perhaps get back to the issue of my team."

"Could we talk about this again later, my buzz is starting to hurt a bit."

"No, damn it, some half decent advice this time even if it kills you." Which was a real possibility by this point.

Azuma tried to sigh but it came out as more of the gurgling death cry of a small animal. Though it might have been the nearby bird which had suddenly and inexplicably fallen dead from its roost. "Refresh my memory then, I think the portion of my brain that governs long term memory just switched itself off. I… really hope this isn't permanent."

"All right, the gist of it is this. Some things have been alright, as of late; Sakura isn't keeping Nagi on such a short leash anymore though she's started taking what I think might be sexual frustrations out on other people. Sasuke seems to have lightened up about his whole situation even if he has some serious mental and psychical injuries he continually refuses to get addressed. Nagi though seems to have taken a step back without any silver lining."

Kakashi poked his friend waking him up as he continued, "I don't know if anyone else had noticed but ever since the Wave Incident she's had these moments of melancholy whenever she's left alone. Yesterday I found her crying in a tree; I haven't seen her genuinely sad since she was a child. When I asked her if she needs helps she doesn't admit she's crying. I think the business with her uncle messed her up more than she'll admit. I'm still worried about telling the Hokage the whole story about that situation until she does, so I don't know who I can talk to about this."

At this point Kakashi noticed that his friend had once again falling asleep, but to his alarm had also stopped breath.

"Shit." Getting to his feet Kakashi used a sound jutsu to spread his voice over the training ground. "Alright everyone pack up for the day, Sakura you're helping me get Azuma to the hospital everyone else is free to leave."

Ignoring the loud curses of his pink haired student as she walked over to were Azuma lay, the jōnin had started violently twitching which Kakashi, while he was no medic-nin, took as a better sign than him being completely still.

Pulling Azuma to his feet while Sakura steadied his other side Kakashi noticed that the rabbit had disappeared from his spare mask. The first time it had ever left without prompting from Nagi.

'Count the small victories Kakashi.' Advice which he couldn't remember the source of echoed through Kakashi's head before Sakura bothered him back to reality.

* * *

Nagi let out a sigh as Sakura parted on the way back home, they lived a long way from each other in opposite directions from the training ground but not too long ago that wouldn't have stopped her pink haired friend from escorted her directly to front door. She still had to wave Sakura off with the assurance that she'd been fine but since Wave Sakura trusted in her sincerity and her ability to carve lesser men like ice sculptures.

Ironic then that since Wave the blonde haired girl couldn't stand being alone. Not wasting time sealing her zanbatō the girl hurried home in the hopes of seeing Haku. While at the same time cursing herself at the dependence.

When she finally reached home, and gave a genuinely sweet smile as she passed her landlord on the way, Nagi was practically running into her apartment when the electronic mechanisms clicked open. She continued running straight into her least favourite individual in the world at this moment.

"Kyūyo." The young girl squeaked out.

"Nagi-chan." The demon fox spoke, his voice sweet on Nagi's ears after so long but the effect was immediately ruined by the heavy stink of homebrew firewater.

Turning away from the red head, her disappoint palpable at the act, Nagi faced the person she counted on as an older sister...brother. Whatever. All this subterfuge got annoying after a while. She was more observant than Haku gave her credit for, which was still more than most to her ire, and the former Nuke-nin was free to play whatever game 'he' wanted. She loved him regardless, it was just that sometimes she loved him a little less than usual.

"Having a conversation? Should I come back?" The blonde genin shifted the weight of her zanbatō on her back, not as a subtle threat but because the weapon weighed her down much more since she had taken to relying on her own chakra reserves. Admittedly strong as they were, for her age, her pure strength nowadays paled in comparison to what she had with Kyūyo. Not that she'd admit it, stubborn as her uncle this one.

"No!" Kyūyo answered a little too quickly, which earned him a glare from Haku.

"You can stay if you want Nagi, fox-boy and I were just about done. Hopefully he'll take what I said to heart." Haku smiled pleasantly at Kyūyo, in response the fox boy growled before remembering Nagi was in the room so the growl trailed off into a series of gravelly mewls.

"No, I don't want to interrupt anything. You two can catch up; just pretend I'm not here. Kay?" Even if the small girl thought the way Kyūyo squirmed was adorable it didn't stop her from being angry at her 'ex'-boyfriend, Haku had suggested she simply call him Kyūyo but Nagi had picked up the word somewhere and took a petty pleasure in using it whenever Kyūyo was in earshot. It didn't occur to her that she and Kyūyo had never really referred to themselves as boyfriend and girlfriend to each other's faces before their… let's call it a falling out.

"That is… generous but really not necessary Kyūyo was telling me he was going to let himself out." Haku finished by mouthing 'say yes' in Kyūyo's direction.

It didn't seem that Kyūyo was going to take the hint and leave by his own accord though; it had been weeks since Nagi and him had talked face to face and no matter how much worse he was making it for himself Kyūyo was afraid to let the moment end. It was very possible it would be his last chance.

Nagi just kept quiet and patently avoided looking at him, trying to ignore the way her gaze would shift to meet his every time she let herself relax.

It took five very awkward minutes for someone to break the tension, in this case Haku by removing an unadorned scroll from a secret pocket in his robes. "I just remembered Nagi; this arrived by carrier 'pigeon' today. It's from Zabuza."

All of a sudden the world seemed a bit brighter at the message from her currently favourite person in the whole world. Though her ranking system was a loose one, mainly dividing Kyūyo as her least favourite person from everyone else she knew, regardless she loved hearing from her uncle ever since Haku had worked out a way to sneak messages in and out of Konoha by way of the forest kami.

Her issues with Kyūyo faded from her mind, though never completely, whenever she received a scroll. Haku had taken to saving them for when the blonde was in a mood; though he was aware that she'd skin him if she ever found out he was intentionally keeping them from her. Of course she'd skin him over a lot of things he had done recently. Sometimes he just had to wonder why he was fully skinned currently given the circumstances.

Retreating to her room to read the scroll, she barely registered Kyūyo's disappointment or Haku's relief that the situation didn't end him burning to death in the metal coffin of an apartment. Unlike bijū or jinchūriki he wasn't fireproof.

Nagi did however register the soft thump of Kyūyo being hit over the head by Haku and giggled even as she felt a twinge of well repressed sympathy for the demon fox.

* * *

The Hokage swept his gaze over the jōnin instructors assembled in his darkly lit office, sizing them up as much as he tried to work out which one of them had switched off the lights in his office. Someone always did that when they were having an important and shadowy meeting, he figured they wanted to create the proper mood but he just found it hard to see the papers on his desk.

Eventually he settled on Maitō Gai, but without proper evidence he could do little but moving on. Gai himself thought it was the Hokage who kept doing this, he didn't like how dark and moody it made everything.

In actuality it was Kurenai, who struggled everyday with her hidden penchant for the dramatic, course I could come down as the author of this little piece and tell the Hokage that myself. I wouldn't even be able to write the Hokage, or anyone who knew her for that matter, believing it and not have it be incredibly OOC.

Pushing such thoughts and that niggling awareness of the fourth wall he, like most sane people in this kind of fanfics, kept deeply repressed the Hokage focused on the task at hand.

"By now you should all be aware that the Chūnin Exams will be held in Konoha this year." The Hokage spoke, judging from the excited chatter directed Kakashi's way only Gai had not yet heard the spreading rumours. "I have gathered you here to hear the nominations from the current batch of genin teams."

"Hokage-Sama,"Gai was the first to speak, "I nominate Team Gai for this year's exams. My youthful students have grown much in this past year and they will prove their youthfulness in this grand event."

"Or die trying, I mean let's be realistic." Kakashi looked up from his adult book just long enough to make eye contact with his old 'rival'.

"Ah Kakashi, you really have been such a downer lately what happened to your youthfulness."

"Sometimes I like to imagine I lost my 'youthfulness' on some big life changing adventure like Stand By Me but really I just stabbed a guy. Quite a few guys actually," Kakashi raised his finger to his mask as though licking it before he turned a page. Under his breath he continued, "Also I turned twenty five."

Ignoring the two Kurenai Yūhi stepped forward to drawn attention to herself. "I wish to nominate Team 8 for the Chūnin Exams. In addition, because Asuma could not be here… because _someone_ fed him poison-" Punctuating her sentence Kurenai glared back at Kakashi, he did not wish to meet her glare.

"Since when am I his keeper? The guy drank tea prepared by Sakura Haruno; really he should be getting a Darwin award not medical treatment. This is why the human race is doomed."

The sound Kurenai made seemed to be her conceding Kakashi's point but the look in her eyes promised that this was not over. "Anyway… In his steed and as temporary jōnin sensei of Team 10 I nominate them for the Chūnin Exams as well."

Time passed as a large number of other jōnin stepped forward to nominate their teams, more than a couple for the second or third time in accordance with their contractual obligation as being non-noteworthy extras.

It wasn't until a long stretch of silence as no one else stepped forward, when Sarutobi was about to call the meeting to a close that a sudden voice chimed in.

"You know what the hell? I nominate Team 7 for the Chūnin exams. Should be a laugh."

The Hokage however did not find this turn of events amusing and, much like Kurenai, he began to plan Kakashi's downfall.

* * *

**So this a romance story right?**

Presumably, I like a good romance story.

**So why did you sabotage the relationship.**

Conflict purposes mostly, don't worry the situation will get better… after I make it worse. They say all stories are built of conflict, I think it's a Schadenfreude thing.

**Alright I can respect that.**

You really did get a lot bigger. Your… teeth in particular.

**I know it's beautiful.**

…Don't eat Childishness.

_i agree_

**No promises.**


End file.
